Family is more than blood thick - Skol2021 (2024)

Chapter 1: A beginning

Chapter Text

19 years ago

"He is your son Margaret how can you just give him up." Owen demanded of his sister on the phone. Evan was in the living room playing with his younger cousin and being watched by Gwyneth. His nephew had turned up on his doorstep with a small bag and a note for Owen and Gwyn abandoned like yesterday's trash by his own parents and nine years old. Owen sighed as he heard the phone being slammed down on him, closing his eyes he came back into the living room to see Evan and Tyler playing with the latter's legs.

"This about Daniel?" Gwyneth asked her husband who nodded his eyes closed. His sister was a terrible mother, had been since Daniel had died when Evan was a baby. Something that Evan was always being blamed for. "I'll get the air mattress out tonight, tomorrow we can get them bunk beds." Gwyneth said to him Evan let out a sob and asked "why don't they love Me?" Gwyneth let out a hiss like an angry cat as Tyler wrapped his cousin up in his arms and held on for dear life. Owen got up and sat down behind the boys drawing his nephew in and holding him as he cried.

7 years later

"Go Evan." Tyler yelled from the sidelines as he saw Evans 23 shirt race down the line with the football in hand. The opposition trying to catch up but Evan had opened up the gas tank his long legs going much faster than his marker could go. Carrying him into the end zone with the blow of the final whistle sounding moments later. Evan pulled his helmet of just as the rest of the team reached him. Coach not far behind them. "Good job guys, great win tonight, state a few weeks away." The coach said to them Evan pulling his mouth guard out the coach smiled at his star player. "You had scouts watching you tonight." The coach said to him. "If your parents are available they'd like a word." He explained. Owen Gwyn and Tyler reached the group high fiving most of them before hugging their adoptive son.

"So proud of you Evan." Owen said to him as Tyler hugged him with a death grip making Evan laugh. "Recruiters coach?" Owen asked having caught some of what the man said to Evan.

"Yes, Notre Dame and Yale specifically if you have time." He said.

"We'll make time." Tyler said to the man making everyone laugh.

----------

6 years later

College was finishing out, Evan had been hurt in a tackle the year before which put an end to the dreams he had of playing professionally. Finishing his degree in criminal psychology became his priority and today was the day he would graduate. He and his friends were waiting for their families to arrive.

"Hey Ev, when do you go back to New York?" Lucas his best friend asked.

"I fly out in the morning, I travel to Brazil the day after." Evan said to him Lucas frowned ar the news he had hoped that his friend would be there for the end of year party they were having.

"Does your dad know?" Lucas asked.

"Yes I do and I am not happy." Owen said behind them as Evan spun and hugged his dad. "I only get you for a day Evan." Owen demanded playfully smiling. Evan nodded. "Empty nest syndrome again dad." Evan said with a grin of his own only to be shushed.

Evan was dragged off by his dad to meet his brother and mother Maddie had made the trip and hugged him.

"Can you please stop growing." Maddie exclaimed.

"Hey Ty you look good." Evan said to his little brother who blushed. "Boyfriend?" Evan asked the man beside Tyler who nodded nervously. "Ben right?" He asked another nod. "Nice to meet you." Evan said offering a hand which was taken.

"I expected some threats." Ben said Evan smiled at him.

"Oh if you hurt TyTy I will kill you." Evan informed him Tyler growled at him for the use of Evans pet name for him growing up. "I need to get ready I have a speech to give." Evan told them.

"Brain box." Tyler teased.

------

3 years later

"Betrayed by my own son, you joined the LAFD not the NYFD." Owen exclaimed seeing his son in the blues of his fire department.

"One to many shadows for me old man, namely yours. I have a great fire house and a great captain." Evan said to him TK as he now went by popped up behind their dad all smiles. "Hey TyTy.' Evan said to him TK glared at his brother.

He heard laughter behind his family of screen, "I am going to kill you Evan." TK growled at him.

"Most of the fire house heard that." Owen explained.

"What is a big brother for if I can't embarrass my baby brother. Anyway I need to go do some work, I'll call at the weekend." Evan said to them Owen smiled and said his goodbyes as TK glared for a moment before saying good luck. Evan ended the call as Chim and Hen came over all smiles.

"Girlfriend?" Hen teased Evan who smirked at her.

"My dad actually and my little Brother." He explained.

"And what do they do frat boy?" Chim teased.

"They're both firefighters back home in New York." Evan said as he pocketed his phone and stood up. "Also for the record I wasn't in a fraternity unless you call the football team a frat house." Evan said irritated.

"You went to college?" Chim asked.

"I graduated top of my class jackass." Evan growled as he stalked past Bobby who was shaking his head.

"What's got his goat?' Chim asked.

"Insulting a top ten division one running back is smart work." Bobby said to him. "Especially one who can profile you with in an inch of your life." Bobby told him.

"Where did he graduate from?" Hen asked genuinely interested. "Notre Dame, if he'd not blown out his knee junior year he'd be in the nfl right now." Bobby informed them. "Marcy and I before.the fire saw him play and destroy our old college." Bobby said to them with an appreciative whistle. "I was at the game he was injured in, damn tragedy that night." Bobby explained.

"Sounds like he had options why join the LAFD?" Chim asked.

"His father is a legend at the NYFD, when I learned that he was in the academy I made damn sure I was on top of the list of captains that wanted him." Bobby said to him.

"Whose his dad?" Hen asked.

"Captain Owen Strand New York 252 fire and rescue." Buck said as he reappeared with an apple and a glass of orange juice.

"Wait isn't that the house that was all but wiped..." Chim started only to get elbowed from Hen who glared at him.

"When the towers fell sure, my dad was the only survivor of the oc 252." Evan said to them. "It's fine Hen it's not like I lost almost my entire family that day." Evan said he seemed a little lost and far away for a minute before he shook himself off and smiled. "They pulled most of us out of class after the south fell. I mean we knew something was going on but when we saw south wasn't there any more Ty and I knew dad had to be there." Evan said to them. "We were home when the chief called to say dad was okay and being checked at the hospital as a precaution." Evan said to them.

"I don't think I want to imagine what that was like." Hen said to him.

"Imagine the worst day of your life times it by ten and you pretty much have what that day felt like every day for near on ten years." Evan said to her.

"What changed?" Bobby asked.

"I left for college, I lost a lot of friends that day and in the months and years afterwards. Some moved and others actually died in the towers. Ty and I were always at the fire house when we weren't in school. My best friend Andy Weinstan lost his mom that day in the North and his dad in the South. He moved out here less than a week after the attack." Evan explained. "For the families and loved ones of the people who died, you have to understand it was a waking nightmare. It was almost six months after the attack that they found the last member of dad's house. The funeral was like ripping the band aid of a gaping wound." Evan said his voice still carried some of the pain. "My godfather, my dad's best friend he didn't make it out be was part of rescue squad 7." Evan said to them then he turned away from them sharply heading for the stairs a second time. They found him with a massive text book on his lap and a notepad beside him as he wrote notes he didn't look up from what he was doing. Bobby knew most of what he had said having spoken to Owen but the rawness of the pain that Evan expressed with some of the story he told made it very apparent that some ghosts and some pain had not left the young fireman.

"What's the text?" Hen asked.

"It's a text on profiling for a paper I have to right." Evan said to her not looking up but continuing to write.

"You an amateur profiler?" Hen asked.

"I have a degree in criminal psychology specialising in serial offenders. I'm taking some extra classes at Berekley on criminal profiling." Evan informed her. "Working for my masters." He added as he closed his eyes. "You know anything about nature versus nurture?" Evan asked.

"You think they can be created?" Bobby asked.

"I think there is a possibility. Edmund Kemper is a good example of someone who's mother played a role in the birth of a serial killers psyche. Of course he paid her back in kind before he was arrested." Evan said to her with a shrug. "Bundy and Gacy now they were pieces of work, while Dahmer just goes back to the whole theory that some can be created by the environment in which they were brought up in rather than psychologically disposed to the concept that they were born to kill." Evan said to her.

"Sounds complicated kid." Chim said to him.

"Thus why its a masters thesis and not an undergraduate study." Evan said not looking up from what he was doing. Bobby and Hen chortle at the rebuke while Chim looked amused. "By the way I likely have 40 in IQ points on you. So kid is Insulting old man." Evan said Chim burst out laughing at this.

---------

Present day

"Was it something I said?" Eddie asked Hen.

"Evan is something of a mystery to most of us. He keeps himself to himself and well he is pretty private. That you got a hi is more than most people get from him." Hen explained as they drank coffee.

"Is he on the spectrum?" Eddie asked a soft snort from behind him had him looking to find coral blue eyes dancing with amusem*nt. "I'll take that as a no then." Eddie said to him.

"I was just doing something for Larrimer at violent crimes." Evan said as he sat down next to them and took the offered coffee from Bobby. "Probie, they said we'd be getting a new one." Evan said taking in Eddie. "Someone forgot to mention hot Latino probationary fire fighter at that." Evan said making everyone laugh, while Eddie did his best not to look annoyed or interested. Damn his blushing problem as Evan smiled even wider.

"Racial profiling him Evan?" Bobby teased.

"Only the cute blushers." Evan replied sipping his drink innocently. The others rolled their eyes at this and he could guess this was a regular thing.

"How do you know I am Latino?" Eddie asked.

"Diaz as a surname suggest you're of Mexican descent but certainly Spanish descent. Eddie is likely to be short for Eduardo or Edmundo." Evan said to him Eddie looked at him Strangely. "You were married, you haven't long taken the ring of so you still have a tan line. You have a Saint Christopher's medallion around your neck so I'm guessing a father of one." Evan said raising an eye brow Eddie nodded.

A while later as they were cleaning the apparatus Eddie found Evan checking inventory. "A lesser man would be annoyed by that display." Eddie said to him with a smile.

"The guys have had me profile every new recruit we've tried out since I joined. You were easy, you wear your heart on your sleeve and look like you've been hurt because of it." Evan said Eddie shrugged. "I grew up around a New York fire house and an office full of lawyers. I learned to read people, I guess it makes me very good at my job." Evan explained.

"Thus why you find humour in it rather than you try to hurt people with it." Eddie said to him.

"If I want to wrack up some pain I could have pointed out your gate and the tags I am sure you've never taken off." Evan said to him. "I'm guessing army, probably a medic." He added.

"Okay you are terrifying." Eddie said to him they both laughed at this.

"I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable." Evan said to him Eddie beamed at him.

"Pay me back with a drink after work?" Eddie asked him with a wicked smile.

"I would but I am washing my hair." Evan said to him the two of them laughed. "My brothers coming to town tonight, so I actually have a prior engagement and he doesn't drink. So maybe another night?" Evan asked.

"Sounds good." Eddie said to him with a grin.

------

"You profiled the hot DILF probie?" TK exclaimed as they ate pizza on the sofa. "Did you at least ask him out?" TK demanded.

"He asked me out for a drink tonight, I had to pick you up so I said no. We are going to dinner on Friday." Evan said to him with an exasperated sigh. Evan showed him a photo TK snorted.

"You Evan have a type." TK teased.

"Do you want to discuss your dating decisions?" Buck asked.

"Hell no but dad is going to enjoy this." TK said to him.

"I get this from Maddie I do not need you getting in on the act as well." Evan told his brother. "She showed up at my girlfriends apartment, which is why I moved in here." Evan explained.

"Wait your estranged sister my cousin just showed up at your place?" TK asked.

"Oh it gets better than that, she let herself in and was using my shower when I walked in on her thinking it was Abbi." Evan said with a blush. "Somethings just can't be unseen." He said to his brother.

"Call boy wonder get him to come over. I wish to meet him and I can be you for a night." TK said to him Buck groaned. "Go on now you know you want to." TK baited him.

------

Eddie knocked on the door and waited, "You aren't Evan." Eddie exclaimed.

"Nah I'm his hotter little brother." TK said to him. "He wasn't kidding and he really has a type." TK said as he opened the door and let Eddie in. "Evan mentioned you didn't drink so I brought some non alcoholic beers." Eddie said to him TK smiled.

"Thank you but I'm an Addict so no thank you." TK explained.

"More for me and frat boy." Eddie said TK burst out laughing.

"You know he hates that right." TK said as they walked into his brothers lounge. Evan looked up from the game he was playing. "You bloody cheat Evan." TK growled at him as Eddie watched the two laugh. Evan paused the game and walked over to him.

"If you don't mind sharing." Evan said looking at Eddie.

"Are you two actually related?" Eddie asked.

"Evan is my brother by adoption and cousin by blood. His mom is a bitch who deserves to die." TK explained snarling by the end of it Evan shook his head clearly amused.

"You going to let that go?" Eddie asked.

"My parents used me for spare parts for my older brother and when that didn't work out at aged 9 they abandoned me with my then Uncle Owen now dad." Evan said to him. "I was a saviour baby." Evan explained.

"Okay yeap she's a bitch." TK said emphatically.

"Is it to early to kiss you?" Evan asked Eddie shook his head.

Chapter 2: Meet The Family

Chapter Text

"I cannot believe you profiled him and he still asked you out." TK said the next morning as they sat down to breakfast. "Do you really do that to every new person who comes into the station?" He asked.

"I even did it to the chief, he heard about the skill and what we did to all new starters and he wanted to see it in action." Buck said to him TK stared at him incredulously. "He asked I did it." Buck said to him with a grin on his face. "He later said he wished I hadn't. He had no idea how open a book he was until I pretty much told him his life story without knowing a thing about his private life. His wife sent me a really good bottle of whiskey as a thank you." Buck said to him TK laughed at this. "Tell me Tyler how are you really, you're out here and you gave me almost no warning." Buck said to him TK sighed. "Little brother you have always been fairly easy for me to read, are you still on the wagon?" He asked TK nodded. Buck brought him over to the sofa where they sat down and Buck put some music on just so that it wasn't entirely silent in the apartment.

"I think Alex is cheating on me." TK said to him Buck growled at this and TK sighed. "I know you don't like him, dad doesn't either." TK said to him.

"Remember my trip to see you at Christmas, mom through that huge party?" Buck asked TK nodded. "The reason I don't like him is during the party I had this really hot black guy flirting with me like crazy. His name was Alex, it was only after you arrived that I found out you were dating him. Dad told me and then I saw you kissing the guy who had been flirting with me for a couple of hours because you and dad were still on shift." Buck said to him TK glared at him for this.

"Why didn't you tell me?" TK asked.

"When was the last time you listened to me about the people you date Tyler." Buck said to him TK sighed. "I tried to warn you that night but you were so hyped about dating him, it went in one ear and out the other. Alex is a player, hell if that had been anywhere else other than moms place I'd have had him in the bedroom and my way with him before you even got anywhere near the party." Buck said to him TK laughed.

"I'm glad you didn't." TK said to him.

"So am I, we let a guy get between us once before." Buck said to him. "So I go running before I shower in the morning, you want to join me?" Buck asked TK nodded.

"I have some board shorts." TK said to him.

"You can borrow a muscle shirt of mine if you didn't bring one with you." Buck said to him.

------

The guys were starting lunch when TK and Buck turned up at the fire house, Bobby and Athena looked up as they came up the stairs, "I thought it was your day off?" Bobby said to him.

"Well TK wanted to meet you all, so I text Hen to make sure you were all in the fire house." Buck said to him.

"Well then I guess we better set a couple of extra places for lunch." Athena said to him. "I'm not seeing a lot of family resembelance here boys." Athena said to him.

"He takes after his mother." Buck said to her she smiled. "Something smells really good." Buck said to them.

"Good thing to otherwise you would starve." TK said to him Buck snorted. "I have no idea how someone with an IQ of 178 can't cook but you suck." TK said to him with a shake of his head the room dissolved into laughter.

"Hey genius it isn't like you can cook any better than me, or do you remember having to call dad's own fire house out to put out a kitchen fire you started when you were trying to cook dinner for your boyfriend junior year of high school?" Buck asked TK's eyes widened in shock and mock horror for disclosing that to a room full of strangers. "I never managed to set fire to my own kitchen or need rescuing from a fire in my own home by dad." Buck teased TK the two glared at each other for a moment before bursting out laughing.

"You promised you would never talk about that." TK said to him.

"Okay frat boy stop teasing your brother." Chim said to Buck as they forced the two of them into seats. Eddie sat down next to Buck and the two shared brief smiles, the night before had been fun though Buck had called it so that they didn't push things to far on the first date.

"You know he hates that right." TK said to Chim. "I mean seriously he is an idiot but even he isn't frat stupid." TK said to him.

"Nope, their was only one frat boy in our family and his name is Tyler." Buck said to them. "I was to busy with football and studies." Buck added. "Hey cap did you guys find a text?" Buck asked Bobby.

"I left it on top of your locker." Bobby said to him with a grin on his face.

"Saves me fifty dollars." Buck said to him.

"How much?" Hen asked shocked.

"Degree texts are never cheap and that one is rediculous." Buck said to him with a grin on his face. "That one in that edition is no longer in print and I managed to find someone selling it at a reasonable price. Without breaking my trust fund to get a hold of it." Buck said to them TK snorted. "Yeah I feel that." TK said to him.

"What happened to football?" Athena asked.

"I hyper extended my knee in the play offs junior year ripped the ligaments in my left to shreds. Any hope of a football career went flying out of the window, I spent a year rehabbing my knee which took me out of my senior year of football." Buck said sounding like it no longer bothered him. "I mean I'd have loved to have been making NFL money by this stage of my life but as it stands because of Mom, I'm not exactly a pauper and with the papers I've had published and the book I wrote I don't really have money issues." Buck said to them. "Neither of us do, though I have an easier time getting access to that money than Tyler." Buck explained TK frowned.

"I thought we agreed you would call me TK." TK said to him the others started laughing.

"Oh please, just because some asshole misused your first name, doesn't mean me your big brother is going to stop using it." Buck told him TK sighed at this news but didn't seem all that surprised by it. Eddie squeezed Buck's hand and he looked over at the man who seemed to be shaking his head at him with clear amusem*nt in his eyes.

"I am the youngest in my family, maybe try not being big brother esq in front of everyone." Eddie said to him.

"Thank you." TK said to Eddie.

"Hey he knows my full name, he also knows all kinds of embarrassing things I did growing up." Buck said to Eddie and the others.

"How long are you here for TK." Athena asked.

"I have a week here before I go back to New York." TK said to her.

"So you will be at the BBQ this weekend." Hen said to him.

"Wouldn't miss it." TK said to her.

"Consider yourself invited." Bobby said to him.

"We actually have tickets for the rams this weekend." Buck said to TK. "Luke's in town and I got a few tickets for the game with Green Bay." Buck said to TK who's eyes widened.

"How many is a few?" Athena asked.

""I have eight tickets." Buck said to her. "Luke gets me great seats and tickets pretty much anytime I want them." Buck said to her.

"Oh I haven't seen Lucas in a couple of years it would be awesome to catch up." TK said to him.

"Why do you think I got tickets for this game." Buck said to him. "Eddie you down for some football, Chris and you are welcome to take a couple of the tickets." Buck said to him Eddie nodded.

"You mind if I bring Denny?" Hen asked. "He loves the football though Karen and I don't." Hen said to him.

"Well you can drop him off with us and we can take him." TK said to her. "I don't drink so I can be responsible." TK said to her.

"I'd have to speak to Karen but I don't see why that would be a problem." Hen said to him. "Saving us having to be enthusiastic about something we know nothing about." Hen said to him Buck and Eddie laughed. "And I am sure Harry would love to come so Bobby and Michael could use some fun." Athena said to them.

"Okay well you get to be number 8." TK said to her. "I might get some good gossip." TK said to her.

"Oh we can discuss your brothers panchant for stealing the fire truck to have sex." Athena said Buck blushed to his roots at this while the rest of the fire house laughed.

"Wait what now?" TK asked looking at Buck as did Eddie.

"I was going through a phase and a nasty break up." Buck said to him.

"Chantelle?" TK asked.

"Ben actually, turns out wholesome Ben was married. I say was I took care of that in a hurry." Buck said to him.

"You destroyed someone's marriage?" Bobby asked.

"After he gave me an STD that he got from a damn orgy he'd gone to." Buck said to him.

"Wow that is bad." Eddie said to him.

"I don't share, you better understand that Eddie because if you do to me what he did I will not go easy on you." Buck said to him Eddie nodded. "I need some air." Buck said getting to his feet he headed for the roof with a smile and his phone.

"He is so calling Lucas." TK said to them.

"Is he okay?" Chim asked.

"Ben is a sore subject, I suspect however he is making sure that you guys get the full team treatment from Lucas at the weekend." TK said to them.

"How good was he?" Athena asked.

"He had suitors junior year and endorsem*nts lining up for him. He was really good." TK said to her.

"Marcy and I went to a couple of his games when he played against our old college, damn near creamed our team every time." Bobby said to her. "We were there the night he got hurt, damn Greek tragedy." Bobby said to him with a shake of his head.

"Yeah that's a call I never thought we'd get, coach called to say that he was being taken the ER for tests." TK said to them. "He hasn't lost any of the fitness he had from those days and as Eddie will attest none of the tone either." TK explained giving Eddie a look. The man smiled.

Chapter 3: Weekend Fever

Chapter Text

"Diaz, Buckley you need to get out of there now that boats going to explode." Bobby yelled into the radio so they could hear him or so he hoped. Buck and Eddie shared a look as they stood on the bow of the ship rebreathers on Buck nodded before dropping of the side of the ship. Eddie a split second behind his partner. They were out of view of the 118 and Bobby was still calling on the radio as the boats engine exploded sending shards of metal flying. Buck broke the surface a full thirty seconds after the bang and Eddie a mere seconds after that. "Evan, Eddie damn it respond." He could hear it just over the ringing in his ear.

"Bobby hearing you just." Buck replied.

"You made it off good we are sending a rescue boat to pick you both up." Bobby said to him.

"Good, I think I dislocated my shoulder or broke it one of the two." Buck said he felt warm arms around him and words whispered or not telling him he was safe. It was a few minutes later that they were pulled carefully in Bucks case into the boat. Chim working to check Buck over. "T is going to murder me." Buck said to Chim who chuckled in response. "We didn't find the other two before the evac was ordered." Buck said to him.

"You guys got eight people out and went back for the last two, eight out of ten is a win." Hen said to him as they reached the safety of the Dock he was helped of the boat. "A lot of people are alive tonight because of the both of you." She added as Bosko and Dawson checked Eddie over and Hen and Chim checked Buck.

"Good news kid it's not dislocated, bad news it's your collar bone so hospital it is." Chim said to him.

-----

Owen arrived with Gwyn the next morning, having got a call from Bobby to say that Buck had been hurt though not seriously. He'd undergone surgery to repair his shoulder which it seemed had been hit by debris as they dove away from the exploding boat. Eddie was impressed he had to admit that Buck had on adrenaline alone manage to punch through the pain and get to safety. Owen and Gwyn entered Bucks hospital room to find TK and Eddie snoozing in the chairs around the bed Evan's are was in a sling and he seemed to be sleeping comfortably but his eyes slowly opened at the sound of the door. Eddie's hand was holding his and he smiled at his parents.

"You didn't have to come down." Buck said to them as Gwyn leant down kissing his cheek. "I've had worse." He told them.

"You almost get blown up and you think you've had worse, oh he is definitely your son." Gwyn said glaring at Owen the other two stirred from their spots Owens hand came down to rest on Eddie's shoulder. "Stay." He said to the man.

"I'm stiff and sore I need to stretch." Eddie said Buck let go of his hand so the man could stand groaning as joints popped and groaned. "I am to old for these things." Eddie informed them making everyone including a sleepy TK.

"Mom, dad this is Eddie." Buck said to them.

"They know, Eddie called them after you were taken to surgery." TK told Buck.

"It's nice to meet you Eddie." Owen said hugging the man. "Don't mind if I do." Owen said to him as he plopped down in the vacated seat.

"Oh what a gentleman." Gwyn said to her exhusband.

"Pretty sure his your ex husband for a reason mom." Buck said his parents looked at him both determined not to take the bait. "Besides his appalling need to name everything." Buck said TK giggled at this. "Marlon Blendo still a thing?" He asked Owen. Gwyn burst out laughing while Owen pouted.

"Wait what?" Eddie asked.

"You think you have weird parents, mom has a tea thing that looks like a sloth. The tea comes out of its butt." He explained. "While dad's face care routine puts most supermodels to shame. And he names all of his kitchen appliances." Buck explained TK and Gwyn were trying hard not to laugh as Owen was trying hard not to be petulant in defeat. The family however seemed at ease with teasing each other and Eddie got the distinct impression that this was the norm for them.

"TK tells me he profiled you." Gwyn said to Eddie as she sat on the edge of the bed. Buck groaned closing his eyes. "He did this to an instructor who goaded him during training. Reduced the man to a quivering wreck." Owen said Bucks eyes shot wide open and looked at Owen in wide eyed amazement. "Chief Alonso is an old friend and said the instructor had it coming." Owen informed him Buck sighed turning away from Owen who yelped when Gwyn and TK punched or slapped him on the arm.

"I'm guessing Evan tried to escape your influence." Eddie said to him.

"A lot harder to do when your last name is Strand." Buck said to him. "Dad knows if I'd known about Alonso I'd have moved to Alaska or somewhere like Hawaii or gone back to Peru." Buck growled at Owen the man knew he should not have been checking up on Bucks career through someone else.

‐-------

Game day came with Buck in high spirits as well as spacey due to his pain killers doing there job and keeping him from being to sore to be jostled at the football. Eddie and TK watched as Buck struggled to get dressed for a few minutes before Eddie stepped up and whispered. "Here let me help." Eddie said soon he was gingerly helping Buck get the shirt on without hurting him any more. "Love that shirt." Eddie said to him.

"Thank you." Buck said as he slipped his arm into the sling again sighing as the weight was taken of his shoulder. They were soon out of the house and headed for the agreed meeting point. Bobby had picked up Denny on the way to meet them so Harry and Michael were currently walking towards the group while Bobby locked the car up. "Buck you sure your up for this?" Michael asked.

"Oh yeah, I'm not missing my best friends game." Buck said to him when Bobby was with them he headed for the players entrance. 'Can I help you folks!' Security asked.

"Evan fire hose Buckley and guests of Luke's." Buck said blushing to his roots. The adults shared looks and Buck looked pleadingly at Eddie please don't ask he whispered looking at the boys. The security shared a chuckle at this.

"Ah yeap we have your tickets and we've got someone waiting to take you up to them. Luke has gotten you a box for today and everything is paid for. So enjoy yourselves and hopefully you guys will have a great game." The man said as he did pat downs of the adults. Bucks arm caused a couple of issues but after a couple of hissed yelps of pain they were let in. A member of hospitality was waiting for them with bags for all of the kids and the adults.

"Luke has team commitments before the game but you'll be collected before the end of game so you can meet both teams." Alice her badge informed them explained. The view when they got to the box was stunning Buck thought and dreaded to think what this pretty little box cost as he sat down next to Chris who was eager to check his goodies as the other kids were.

"This friend he must love you very much." Eddie said to him.

"Qb and I go back to high school, we were recruited by the college as a team and it went from there." Buck explained with a fond smile. "I'd give almost anything to be out there tonight." Buck said with a small sad smile as he looked down at the pitch.

"You could have come back and tried as a senior again." Bobby said to him Buck smiled at this.

"Not if I wanted to be true to myself, I love football I love playing it. I'd have given anything to lace back up when I was fit enough to do so. But I was heavily involved with someone back then and I had a great offer on the table. I have money, I'm not like this lot super rich but I don't need to worry about a lot of stuff so long as I am careful and I listening to my advisers." Buck said to him. "Luke wasn't that lucky, he was scholarship, from the wrong part of New York and he wanted outm" Buck informed him.

"You joined the LAFD Buck." Eddie said to him.

"My dad's a 9/11 hero, though he'll tell you that the real hero's died that day. For me my family has a legacy of helping people, if I couldn't do this every week then I wanted to make a difference." Buck explained. "If I was out there doing that, then chances are we'd never meet. I don't like that idea, I happen to be quite fond of you." Buck said leaning in he kissed him softly on the lips Christopher griped about being crushed by them both.

"My brother the sap." TK said to Bobby who laughed. "He doesn't have regrets for the record. Not about joining the LAFD. Mom, dad and I became his family, in a way that Maddie and his parents never were. My aunt and uncle are world class aholes. The first night he came to live with us one of the first things he asked my dad is why they didn't love him. I've never seen my parents that angry, I've O'd more times than I wish to count I've drunk until I've ended up in the hospital I am a royal screw up. Yet my parents have never turned away from me. He was born for a purpose and after that didn't work they were not interested in him. His GPA was in the top 1%, his IQ is ridiculous. His Sat's scores well I don't want to make him blush... he'd swap it all to have a relationship with them." TK said angrily. Buck was entertaining the boys while Eddie watched on. "College junior year he went home to see them for Christmas, they slammed the door in his face screaming at him for daring to visit. I got a phone call from Hershey police, he'd been arrested for being drunk and behind the wheel of his jeep. Not driving no, he'd climbed in there and started drinking to see in Christmas." TK informed them.

"I knew things were bad but..." Bobby started.

Chapter 4: Happily Families and Reunions

Chapter Text

"Tyler seriously can we have one visit with people who you have only just met, without discussing my donors." Buck growled at his younger brother who blushed. Buck didn't talk about them and if they wanted to find out about his birth parents then they'd have to ask when he wasn't about. TK knew full well that his brother had issues with his parents and that things were only just getting to a comfortable position with his sister. "Donor?" Michael asked him.

"The only thing that my parents have ever done for me, those two that is. Is that they gave me life, as soon as they were able they ditched me with my mom and dad. I am a Strand I sure as hell am not laying claim to their name." Buck said to him Michael was surprised to hear the anger in his friends voice. Buck asked for a beer from the people in the bar of their box and was handed an open bottle, necking a good portion of the beer he rejoined the group out on the balcony where they were enjoying the pre game entertainment. Buck couldn't help but laugh at the kids taking photos of themselves in the booth making funny faces. "Now if you want to discuss them I am going to need more than this." Buck informed them Eddie raised an eyebrow.

"Your painkillers and that don't mix." Bobby said to him.

"That's why in true frat style I've not had any today." Buck said to him Eddie sighed. "Look guys I don't like taking painkillers, I also don't like having them in the house when my brother is staying. So I'm fine and I can handle the pain to enjoy the day." Buck informed them.

"You don't need to pay for my demons Evan." TK said to him.

"I know but I also don't like taking strong painkillers or anything that's addictive. You are not the only one with an addictive personality, I'm just not an addict." Buck said to him TK nodded his understanding. Buck had almost gone down the same path that he had, unlike him though he'd had a coach that he could turn to and ask for help. The college had made damn sure that the team looked after me the year I was injured. My health care covered most of it." Buck said to them with a shake of his head.

"I knew there was more to it than you just deciding not to repeat your senior year." Eddie said to him.

"Their is a lot more to it than that, their always is but I'm not ready to tell that story." Buck said to him Eddie nodded his understanding. Buck was closed of about some of his college experiences with most people. Of the people here only TK knew the story of why he'd not gone back. It went deeper than just being true to himself. Eddie had guessed as much. He wrapped his arm around Buck's shoulders leaning in and kissing him whispering as he did so. 'When you are ready, if you are ever ready I will listen.' Eddie told him Buck smiled at him leaning in and kissing him on the lips. "I know which is why I am not killing you right now, can you please take your arm off that shoulder." Buck said Eddie winced as he withdrew it the others smiled. "Took all of my will power not to swear and turn the stadium blue." Buck said to them laughing with the adults.

"I'd rather you didn't do that." Lucas said from behind them. "You want to step in here, I come out there and this place is going to go wild." Lucas said to them the whole group came inside the booth after Buck who hugged his friend gingerly. "You get hurt again Evan?" Lucas asked.

"The boat explosion!" Bobby said to him.

"Wait you were on that thing when it exploded?" Lucas asked him.

"No I was in the water when it exploded, got hit by debris which is why my arm is in this thing." Buck said to him.

"So hotness here rescued you?" Lucas asked him with a smile.

"No I rescued myself, before the adrenaline wore off. Probably a good thing that I was on meds when it did." Buck said to him with a grin on his face. "Hotness was on the boat with me when I jumped into the water." Buck added. "Eddie this is my best friend from College, depending on why he is up here um he may not be." Buck introduced the men.

"Its a pleasure, I can tell you all some stories about Buckley here." Lucas said to him.

"Sober stories or drunk ones?" Eddie asked.

"Both." Buck said to him. "This is my captain Bobby Nash and this hear is Michael who is Bobby's wife's ex husband." Buck said to him. "The curls is Denny, the glasses is Christopher and the sullen one is Harry. His trying not to be excited about you being in the same room as him but thats okay we know he thinks you're cool." Buck said to him. Harry smiled up at Buck before returning his eyes to the stadium. "Or it might be because you aren't a Ram and his posters in his room definitely suggest that Dustin is his favourite." Buck explained.

"Oh so we have an enemy in the box." Lucas teased.

"Dustin's going to kick your butt." Harry said to him Buck snickered at this and Lucas beamed.

"A true fan, its nice to finally meet one. See Evan here he loved the playing the game but watching it that was not his cup of tea." Lucas explained.

"You live with a brother who sexualises everything and trust me watching two teams of footballers running around for four quarters soon becomes very tiring." Buck said to his friend.

"Evan." Bobby warned.

"Sorry guys, Tyler could be a little hard to live with during football season. Actually any season." Buck said TK pouted.

"Well if its Dustin you want to meet I can try and arrange that Harry." Lucas said to him.

"Oh you don't need to do that, we have great seats." Michael said to him.

"I owe this man more than just a favour, he introduced me to my wife. Of course he was dating her at the time." Lucas said Buck laughed. "Good times." Buck added to the conversation.

"Is there anything you didn't share?" Eddie asked.

"No not really." Buck said to him Eddie raised an eyebrow he smiled. "Later." Buck said to him Eddie nodded.

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"Dude literally your best friend is the starting quarterback for the opposition." Eddie said to him.

"Yeah and I didn't get murdered by Harry for introducing them." Buck said to him Eddie smiled as they watched the game from inside the booth enjoying a drink while they did so.

"Why'd you leave college Evan?" Eddie asked.

"Notre dame is pretty conservative." Buck said to him. "They found something out that I would rather not get up even now." Buck said to him. "They made me choose my shot at a career or stay in the closet and protect someone." Buck said to him. "I chose the high road, and by the college I mean the coach who took over when I was due to return from injury." Buck said to him.

"Is this why you and Lucas keep your distance?" Eddie asked.

"Eddie I like you and their is stuff we will discuss but I've been hurt before and I need to know that I can trust you with someone else's secret." Buck said to him with a shake of his head.

"Its not just your story to tell." Eddie said Buck shook his head. "Is it harmful to me or Chris?" Eddie asked him.

"No its not." Buck said to him.

"I'm guessing it doesn't just involve you and Lucas?" He asked Buck nodded.

"I told you I don't regret walking away from my career, and I don't. I'm happy I have money, I have a great man in life who's kidis adorable. I have a brother and parents who love me, I have a good job. I don't need anything else." Buck explained.

"You like me?" Eddie asked.

"I like pretty much all of you, your feet not so much." Buck said to him with a chuckle.

"Not a fan of yours either." Eddie said to him. "Keep your secrets if they are protecting others Evan. If you ever want to talk about that secret then I'm here we all are." Eddie explained Buck nodded his head in acceptance. "We really should get back out to the game before someone comes in here and drags us out for being anti social."

Chapter 5: After The Game

Chapter Text

Opening the front door to the house Bobby was surprised to see more people than he had expected, "I hope you don't mind." Buck said pointing at Lucas. "Luke goes back tomorrow." Buck added.

"Of course not, this just means we get to fleece the man of information on you." Athena said to him. "Welcome to our house Lucas, the family BBQ is for all members of our families even if we haven't meet them." Athena said to him. Owen and Gwyn were already there with TK, Eddie chuckled at the look on Buck's face. Christopher giggled as they walked into the lounge area. "Hey mom, dad you could have called to say you were coming." Buck said as he hugged his mother kissing her cheek before hugging Owen who smiled at this.

"I get a hug but not a kiss?" Owen teased.

"Yeah I'm not kissing your ugly mug dad, no matter how much I love you." Buck said to him with grin.

"Athena used her detective skills and got dad's number from TK." Gwyn told him Buck smiled at this. "How's the arm?" She asked him.

"Sore." Eddie said to her.

"Buck has been refusing to take his medication for the pain." Eddie said to her she glared at him and TK growled at him.

"I don't want to take pain killers so I am being a man." Buck said to him.

"Bobby can I bother you for a glass of water for the idiot please." Owen said to the man who was his sons boss. Buck glared. "I know you Evan, I know that you would rather die than take painkillers. But I also know your faking it face, so I know you are lying about how much pain you are in. Even before I ask your boyfriend or maybe I should ask the cute kid." Owen said to him.

"Dad just leave it." Buck said pleadingly. Owen leaned over touching the arm that was held protectively against his body. It didn't take much and the scream of pain that ripped through his lips. Owen winced as did everyone else who was close to him. "That's what I thought." Owen said to him. Bobby came back with a glass of water handing it to Buck who was being handed some heavy duty painkillers. "Now take your damn medication and sit down till they kick in." Owen said to him Bobby and the others laughed as Buck did as he was ordered to before he sat down on the easy chair so not to be moved or justled by the others. Owen shook his head, "Has he always been that stubborn?" Athena asked them.

"Only since I had my addiction issues." TK said to her. "I mean he hates being sick or injured as you already know." TK added.

"The kid did try and show up for work with full blown flu." Bobby admitted. "Slept at the house until there was someone who could drive him home." Bobby informed them.

"I remember that, god knows how he drove to the fire house in that condition." Hen said as she came over. "He has told us literally nothing about you, so we expect embarrassing stories of Buck before he became that." Hen told them.

"Oh lord we can do that." Owen said to her.

"I can feel you in on what he was like in college." Lucas said to her. "I mean seriously he may not have been a frat jock but he was a jock and some of the stuff we did..." Lucas added.

"You probably don't want to reach the press." Buck called over his shoulder. "Or your wife." He added with a smirk. Lucas looked at the phone that was in his friends hand it had his wives name on it. "You don't want to be divorced do you?" Buck asked him Lucas chuckled at this and held up his hands in surrender. "I still have the photos of all of the sh*t we did in college." Buck said to him. They'd been there maybe an hour when the doorbell rang, Buck was back on his feet enjoying himself though by the glaze of his eyes Hen assumed that the painkillers were doing their job and distancing him from the pain and apparently them. His focus was off and that was definitely the painkillers.

"Buck do you have a moment." Bobby called to him. Buck looked over his shoulder, "Hell no, not today boys not unless you want the ramblings of someone high on their painkillers. You do not want that coming out at trial." Buck said to them.

"He got Sanchez." The detective said to him. Buck winced. He didn't need to get close to see what kind of effect that had had on the detectives. "We'd like you to walk the scene." The detective said to him.

"Not today boys." Athena said to him. Dominic Stanislav approached him with a file Buck eyed it for a moment before opening the file the top photo had him wanting to phsyically hurl. "He has escalated, like I warned you he would." Buck said to him Dom nodded. "I'd quite like a whiskey right now." Buck muttered as he sifted through the file. "Pick me up in the morning, I'll walk it." Buck said to her. "Just me and Athena. You can't be involved." Buck said to him.

"Like hell." Dom said to him.

"You are to close and if I miss something because you've influenced my train of thinking thats a problem." Buck said to him Dom nodded. "Dom its nine now, time to call in the big boys." Buck told him.

"The captain would rather not." Grant told him.

"You need them, I'm a firefighter not a profiler and you need profilers." Buck said their was a snort from a couple of people behind him. "He isn't going to stop and now he has a taste for cops that's who he is going to be focused on. Get your families out of town and do it now." Buck said to him.

"You think he will..." Dom said to him Buck held up the folder and waved it in Dom's face.

"Yeah he already has." Buck said Dom closed his eyes but took it as the dismissal that it was. "Dom, let Nicole know that we're thinking off her." Buck said to him the man nodded before leaving the party. "Now I wish you hadn't forced those damn pills down my neck." Buck said stalking out of the house into the back garden slamming the door behind him. People shared a look before Owen and Athena followed him out into the garden where he was bringing what little he had already eaten back up. Athena didn't have to ask, she'd known enough about the ongoing investigation into a serial killer in LA and that Buck had been helping out where he could. She knew that the LAPD and the FBI had been courting him, they seemed to think that the man was wasted in the FD and Athena had heard the talk of some of the others in the precinct that didn't seem to be that far from the truth.

"Don't." Buck said as he brought himself back up to his full height.

"Evan what happened isn't your fault." Athena said to him.

"Except it is, because I could have done more to persuade them to take extra precautions with the investigating officers." Buck said to her. "I could have fought a hell of a lot harder than I did." Buck said to them. "I could have told them that it was a mistake not to call in the BAU earlier." Buck said to him.

"Kid you are one of the smartest people in the room, you can't however be right all of the time." Athena said to him.

"Smartest person in the room." Owen said to her she looked at him strangely. "Trust me when I say that he is wasted in the department." Owen said to her she nodded.

"You know what a serial crime scene looks like?" Buck said she shook her head. "Good, hope you never have to deal with one." Buck said to her. "They take a piece of you with them." Buck told them. "I did profiling because it was something that I was interested in. Then I started doing in depth research into the people that make up serial offenders, bombers, arsonists, killers, kidnappers. I can tell you how to catch one, I can provoke one but god help me I should not have allowed them to draw me into this." Buck said to them.

"What makes you say that?" Owen asked.

"Because once they were looking into people who met his type it was going to provoke the killer. Their is one thing that I am fairly sure of at this point." Buck said to him.

"What?" Athena asked.

"His a cop." Buck said to her. "Someone got way to close to the truth and or identity of the killer." Buck told her.

"Buck that's a hell of an accusation." Athena said to him.

"It matches the profile." Buck said to her. "Someone with an indepth knowledge of law enforcement, someone who would insert themselves into the investigation." Buck said to her. "Someone should talk to them and tell them to look at the crime scene photos. Look at the damn photos they took of the lookers at the last three victims." Buck said to her she looked strangely at him. "His there." Buck said to her. "And he is wearing a uniform." Buck said then walked back into the house leaving the two of them on there own.

"How likely is he to be right?" Athena asked.

"Very." Owen said to her.

"Did he have offers from law enforcement?" Athena asked.

"He turned down the FBI and NYFD who courted him before he had even graduated college." Owen said to her. "I can never understand why his parents did the things they did, he is an incredible kid. Smart as they come and good luck getting one over him." Owen said to her.

"Why profile?" Athena asked.

"His first boyfriend is attributed to the Colorado Hike Path Killer. They met in high school, went to very different schools a couple of months after he arrived in Colorado he disappeared. Thomas Rosicky admitted to the boys death but has never told anyone where he left the body." Owen explained. "That set a path for Buck. Its also part of the reason I think he didn't go back and complete his senior year of football like he could have done after he recovered from his injury. I think he wanted a chance to make a difference." Owen said to her.

"I love that kid but sometimes I wonder if he has lost his mind." Athena said they were watching Buck and Christopher. Eddie was nestled into Buck's side as the two played.

"I think if you ask him he would tell you, that if he had chosen differently he'd probably never have met Eddie or any of you and that to him would be unacceptable. He loves you all in his own way." Owen said to her.

"What does that mean?" Athena asked.

"It means that his mother and father did a number on him by abandoning him and leaving him with Gwyn and Me." Owen informed her. "His my kid, I love him, we both do. We adopted him and tried very hard to erase the pain of what his parents did but some pains go far deeper than phsyical." Owen said.

"I'd love to get my hands on them." Athena said he laughed.

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Athena tapped Buck on his good shoulder, "Given you brought up what you ate, get this into you. I know you may not feel like eating but you should anyway." Athena said to him Buck took the plate from her saying thank you. He nestled into Christopher who helped himself to a drumbstick grinning at Buck who had taken a stick of his own and began to ate. Eddie watched his son and his partner eat giggling like they were both five while they watched cartoons. Eddie had asked him what was going on but Buck had refused saying that none of what he had been thinking or seeing for that matter was something he wanted to discuss with a child like Christopher next to him. Eddie felt a certain amount of warmth encompassing him for that when his boyfriend informed him of his decision to keep it private for the sake of the kids.

"Its so cool that Lucas is here." Christopher said to him.

"Oh you can thank his stomach for that, he loves a BBQ as long as TK and I aren't the ones cooking it." Buck said to him.

"I needed my stomach pumped." Lucas said to him. "And you were sick for a week after TK decided to cook for us." Lucas said as he knelt down in front of Christopher. "Evan is going to give you my number, so you can face time me at least once a week." Lucas said to him.

"Oh you don't have to do that." Eddie said to him.

"You are both important to Evan so that means you are important to me." Lucas said to him. "And I definitely need a bit of sunshine like Christopher in my life." Lucas said to him.

"You need to go?" Buck asked.

"Hell no, wifey told me to make sure you are okay and to have fun. I am doing that, I need to head back tomorrow." Lucas said to him. "So I assume that I can use your couch?" Lucas asked Buck who nodded his head.

"You can use my bed tonight if you prefer, I think I am going to be staying with Eddie and Christopher." Buck said to him.

"He is." Eddie confirmed this.

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"I kind of expected you to come see me." Lucas said to Eddie as the night wore on.

"He is protecting someone and I get that, I assume that the person he is protecting is you." Eddie said to him.

"Yeah, I didn't want to come out straight out of the block and he was okay with that." Lucas said to him. "He was already looking away from football when he was injured, he was looking at his options and I am not sure why. Beyond of course the fact that he didn't want to be in the closet for the rest of his life and if he went into football at the time it was still rare for someone to be out and gay." Lucas said to him.

"Does your wife know that you are?" Eddie asked.

"Yeah she does, we have two sons or rather we had two sons before she came to that realisation that I just wasn't into the sex that I was just going through the motions. Turns out that she is bisexual and that we having an open marriage allows for me to be with the people I like and her with the people that she likes." Lucas said to him. "I fell hard for Evan I mean you get that right, its not hard to love that dork." Lucas said to him Eddie looked back at the two men in his life who were playing on the switch now with Harry and Denny.

"He is hard to not love I will give you that." Eddie said to him.

"Tell him, he needs to hear that often." Lucas said to him.

"I have a question, he said he had money is that a family thing?" Eddie asked.

"Its a bio parent thing." Lucas said to him. "Though I think Owen and Gwyn might also have money I have never asked and I have never wanted to know. What I do know is that Evan is his bio parents shameful secret in their opinion." Lucas explained. "He was a saviour baby except well he didn't save the child they wanted to be saved." Lucas said to him. "Imagine being that smart and that talented and your parents think you are nothing because you failed at something you have no control over." Lucas said to him. "Buck carries that like a chip on his shoulder, it is something that he has never allowed himself to forget." Lucas said to him.

"He was angry?" Eddie asked.

"Very." Lucas said to him. "He destroyed opponents on the field and in the pool hall, even did some illegal fights back in the day. Just so that he could take his anger out on someone or something that wasn't going to get him expelled." Lucas added. "Owen and TK and Gwyn are the only family he would care to acknowledge. If you can keep Maddie away from him and his bio parents at bay you may just be able to stop the colossal argument that will ensue." He added.

"You keep saying bio parents, he only has one set of parents and that would be the two people he is goofing around with. The others are just donors." Eddie said to him.

"Good keep reminding him of that." Lucas said to him.

Chapter 6: Past sense

Chapter Text

Sophom*ore year of college

Evan Buckley-Strand eased to a stop on the running track panting heavily and sweating profusely as he came down from the exhilaration of his run. College had been back in session for a month and Evan was happy to say that college was better than staying home and dealing with the sh*t storm that was currently his little brothers most recent f*ck up.

"Evan do you have a minute?" He heard coach call to him. Looking down at his watch he shrugged he didn't have morning classes today so he had time before law 101. 'Sure coach what can I do for you?' Buck asked knowing the man wouldn't be out here on his own unless he was looking for someone. So someone had told him where to find Buck. Not that the teen seemed to care much about this.

"I wanted to let you know, you won't just be travelling with us to Duke on Friday. You'll be playing. Curtis is out for the season. He tested positive for weed." Coach explained. Buck smiled at this. If he were honest with himself then he'd say he wasn't the other players biggest fan. Still he at least still had a career here, sounded like Curtis didn't. Zero tolerance policy for that sh*t Buck thought to himself. "Call your parents." Coach told him before walking away from the teen. He heard the yell of joy Buck let rip as he crossed the field and chuckled to himself. Buck was impressive, he'd gone through the rankings at the college quickly and surprised most of his coaches. The teen seemed focused on his courses rather than his football to an outside eye. Though there was no denying that the teen buckled down hard when he was required to and his work rate for second to none.

-------

"Hey dude coach told us the good news. Can't wait to see you puke." Edgar Davis exclaimed whacking him on the back the linebacker dwarfed Evan and had a good fifty pounds on him but the two got on fairly well and Buck had little issue with helping the North Carolina native out when he asked for it with some of his course work. They both had their winter jackets on as it was unseasonably cold and Buck still almost buckled when he felt the hand crash into his back.

"Davis so help me, I need my body man." Buck grunted rubbing at his shoulder the other man chuckled. "I am going to start calling you that idiot if you keep that up. We'll have more injured players than fit ones." Buck said to him the two shared smiles before going their separate ways. Buck heading back to his dorms and what he was hoping was a hot shower. When he reached his dorm he found that Lucas his best friend and more often than not training buddy sat on his bed.

"Dude you smell terrible." Lucas said to him.

"Dude you're in my dorm." Buck said to him with a smile as he peeled his sweater of and flung it at Lucas who laughed catching it and throwing it back at him. "I guess you heard the news?" Buck asked.

"I did, you've earned this." Lucas said as Buck walked past him he snagged a hip pulling Buck towards him. "You may smell terrible but you look amazing." Lucas told him Buck leaned down kissing him smoothly on the lips. "We need to go and celebrate." Lucas informed him.

"What I need to do is call my folks and shower." Buck said to him Lucas smiled at this. "Get me some clothes ready or something, be useful." He teased making the other man laugh as he grabbed his towel and headed for the dorms shower room on this level. A half hour later he was back into the room his hair wet and the natural curl of his hair fully on show as he'd let it grow out a bit over the summer.

"Hot damn Ev, you need a health warning." Lucas said to him drawing the man in question into him kissing him harder than intended. 'Lucas my room mate could walk in here at any moment behave.' Buck said to him bring a smile to the man's face.

"Maybe I want a show?" Joseph said from the door way. Both jocks looked startled as they looked behind them at the emo kid Buck shared a room with this year. "Or maybe I've seen the two of you way to much to care." He added. "Neither of you are subtle." He added playfully.

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Mama Sherris was off the beaten path for students. Buck had found it while wondering the area and fallen in love with the food. Sherri a black woman in her sixties often spoiled them as they could come in here without fear of the two of them being bothered by the locals who knew better they had been told. This night however it was busy and the two were ushered out the back to a small table for two. Freddie, Sherris son and chef smiled as the two were shown to what was laughingly called the chefs table.

"We be celebrating tonight mon Cher." Sherri informed them. News had obviously reached the outside world that Buck would be starting the next game. "I already call your parents to confirm a booking for next week." She informed him he blushed to the roots of his hair while Lucas laughed.

"You know what the rumour mill is like here." Lucas informed him Buck snorted. When he'd started to date Jess Pietersen a couple of months into freshman hear the whole college seemed to know about it within hours. The potential for a new power couple, captain of the woman's basketball team and the new running back everyone was talking about. "Evan hasn't called his folks yet to give them the news." Lucas explained as he took Evan's hand. Out back he could be no they could be the couple they were without fear of reprisals or judgement Sherri loved them both and spoiled them rotten. She'd not asked what they would like given that they'd both had exactly the same thing every time the two came in.

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"Why didn't you call us yourself?" Owen asked his son.

"I've been a little busy dad. You remember college right classes and courses and training." Buck said once they were back in his dorm and watching a film on his ipad. Lucas snorted and got elbowed for his efforts. "How was I to know mama Sherri would call you and confirm table reservations?" He asked.

"Common sense." Lucas guessed getting another elbow. "Your son is beating up his boyfriend Owen." Lucas called into the phone getting a chuckle from Owen.

"You stuck a label on it, will Luke be there? Gwyn asked.

"He will be but he isn't my boyfriend publicly so please for the love of God behave the pair of you." Buck said to her. "I'm going to Aspen for Christmas with Lucas and his family." He informed them Lucas glared at him for dropping that in there before a visit.

"We were hoping to see you this Christmas!" Gwyn stated disappointed. He'd stayed on campus last year owing to the weather among other things. "Are you coming for New year?" She asked.

"We are." Lucas said to her.

Chapter 7: Christmas Holidays of Yester Year

Chapter Text

Evan Buckley-Strand was having the time of his life, most of it on his ass but no doubt about it. He was having a great time however, he'd never been skiing, it wasn't something his family were down for. When they went on Holiday it was to somewhere hot because New York was plenty cold enough at Christmas he said to Lucas who found that statement hilarious. They had a hotel room to themselves, they felt like they could at least pretend to be a normal couple while they were here. No one in Aspen seemed to know who they were, so no one was seemed to be judging them. Thus why they were currently together trying to teaching Buck to ski. Lucas had already sent photos and video's to TK who found it hilarious his surfing enthusiast brother was currently all out at sea trying to learn to ski. And falling over a lot or losing ski's or better yet his poles. He however was having the time of his life with someone he could imagine spending the rest of his life with if things were different. They both whether they talked about it or not accepted that what they were is a phase for each other. They would be going off to the NFL at least that was the dream and they both were not willing to sacrifice that dream.

"Dude you would think that by now you would have learned the basics." Lucas teased as he slid past him on his but. The laughter that came from his boyfriends lips as he heard this had him laughing as well.

"Law of averages says that eventually he will learn." Sophie said to her brother trying hard not to laugh. As she watched Buck pick himself back up and walk back towards them a big goofy grin on his face. "Is he doing this on purpose?" Sophie asked with a smile.

"I think he might be." Lucas said as finally Buck reached them. "No one can be this bad, Evan please tell me this is for show and we can do something other than this with the rest of the holiday!" Lucas said to him with a smile Buck was doing his best not to look sheepish. "Dear god you actually just like falling on your ass don't you." Lucas said to his boyfriend who was trying hard not to laugh and Sophie wasn't even trying to do that she was outright laughing at her brother. "You are going to pay for this later." Lucas said to him.

"I'm looking forward to it." Buck said to him. "I can't believe you rumbled me." Buck said to Sophie as he hugged her.

"No one is that bad." Lucas said to him as the three of them headed for the lodge and some food before heading up the mountain to try Buck out on something besides the learner slopes. Lucas leaned in whispering something in Buck's ear making the man smile at his boyfriend as they found Lucas's parents at the bar ordering drinks. "Hey mom did you know that he was pretending that he hadn't learned anything?" Lucas asked his mother who nodded her head. "He may be from New York but he is not a broadway actor." She informed him. Buck smirked at this. "I am not the drama queen for the record, that is taken up by my brother Tyler." Buck told them Lucas snorted. "Now Luke you know that I love you, but you know I was doing that more for Ty's amusem*nt." He said to his boyfriend.

"You've never been skiing." Lucas said to him.

"I have not, I'm just a fast learner as you well know." Buck said to him Lucas smiled at this. "I hope you have a big enough account for my food habits." Buck teased Lucas.

"Oh god, just remember that I unlike you do not have a trust fund or two." Lucas said to him.

"Two trust funds?" His father asked.

"One from my birth parents, sort of an apology for what they did to me when I was dumped on my parents doorstep as a kid and one from the people who raised me who are not quite as well off as my sperm and egg donor." Buck said to him the family with the exception of Lucas who had heard him say much worse about the people who had given him life. Were taken aback by the anger that he seemed to harbour for his birth parents. "Lets not discuss them please, I am loving that I am here with you and I am loving that I get to be with the man I love." Buck said as he looked at Lucas who grinned back at him. He'd said it out loud more than once to Lucas but rarely did he say it around other people.

"That going to complicate things?" Sophie asked him.

"Yeah like you would not believe." Buck said to her making her nod in acknowledgement.

--------------

"You know you took my parents by surprise this afternoon." Lucas said to him as they dressed for a night out. Buck looked over at him strangely. "Its not like we have made a secret of the fact that we were dating to the people we love who are in our lives." Buck said to him Lucas nodded. "Did you have an issue with my voicing that love to your parents and annoying bratty teenage sister?" He asked Lucas burst out laughing at the description of his sister, Buck loved his sister but didn't mind occasionally calling her a brat knowing he'd get called a lot worse by the girl in question. "Luke its not like its something we haven't discussed at length. I am fairly sure most of the bloody team know we go at it like rabbits when no one is about." Buck added.

"You really think so?" Lucas asked nervously.

"Coach has said about discretion before to the both of us." Buck said to him.

"I... god I'm dumb." Lucas said to him Buck laughed as he came over. "Babe you maybe dumb however you are my dumbo." Buck said to him kissing him on the lips. "This is our life, this is what we chose to do with it." Buck said to him.

"The world isn't ready for two people in the NFL dating each other and we both know that. So lets just have what we can have while we still can have it. Whoever we end up with will eventually learn that we were more than friends and have to live with that." Buck informed him with a shake of his head. "You are always going to be important to me and a major part of my life, whoever is stupid enough to date us two jock bi boys is just going to have to come to terms with that." Buck said to him.

"But can we live with that?" Lucas asked.

"Do we have a choice?" He asked Lucas shrugged. "Are you happy?" Buck asked.

"Of course I am." Lucas said to him. "A part of me, a big part of me just wonders what would happen if one of us wasn't so f*cking linked in with a move to the NFL when we are are able to enter the draft." Lucas said to him Buck nodded. He'd been having one hell of a season this year. He'd been enjoying his football well and truly. Talk was already among the team that when the suspension was up, the position would still be Buck's.

"I really hate you sometimes." Buck said to him. "Please lets not go there. Lets not ruin our holiday with thinking about what ifs." Buck said to him.

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"Would you like a dance?" A really pretty girl asked Buck who was sat sipping a co*ke.

"I'm here with someone." Buck said to her. "Otherwise I would love one." Buck added the woman nodded her understanding. Buck waited for Lucas to come back from the bathroom.

"Someone ask you to dance by any chance?" Lucas asked.

"Actually yes, I had to disappoint them and tell them I came with this really hot jock." Buck said as Lucas held out a hand to Buck who took it and allowed himself to be pulled to his feet. "You sure about this?" Buck asked.

"No one here knows either of us Evan, so lets enjoy the fact that we are here together and for once we can do something that normal couples do. So dance with me." Lucas said to him Buck smiled at him as he was drawn out onto the dancefloor. It was hard to believe that life could be so simple when no one knew who you were or at the very least they didn't have any idea that the two of them were more than just your average college students. "I love you Evan, I don't care much for what people think about that. You were my first." Lucas said to him Buck smirked at this. "Oh hell your ego just went through the roof didn't it." Lucas said to him with a grin on his face.

"You lost your virginity to me?" Buck asked Lucas nodded.

"I didn't take that cherry did I?" He asked.

"No, Jeremy Foxston had that pleasure junior year of high school." Buck said to him. "You were however the first person I bottomed for so technically you did get a cherry of mine of sorts." Buck said to him.

"Oh really." Lucas said with a sh*t eating grin of his own. "By the time you did that, at least I knew something about what I was doing." Lucas said to him Buck burst out laughing at this. "I was terrible?" He asked.

"No you were not terrible, with the size of that beast you would have to be dead to be terrible." Buck said to him then leaning in he whispered. "I saw stars." Buck added. Lucas smirked at this and kissed him. "I love you Lucas, that doesn't change the asshole in the room and the problems we face." Buck said to him Lucas nodded his head.

The night wore on and the alcohol came out to play thanks to a couple of frat brothers who had thankfully decided it was time to get wasted in more ways than one. A drunk Buck as it turns out was a fun Buck and the devolution of the party meant that it was for the most part taken outside which had an adverse effect on Buck. "You know that I am from New York right, that this was a terrible idea." Buck said to him with a grin as they stood outside the music pounding with gut rot whiskey in their hands.

"So its a good thing that I brought winter clothes for the next part of our trip." Lucas said to him.

"I brought thermals." Buck said to him Lucas smiled. "Thank you for bringing me here, for sharing this with me." Buck said to him.

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Present day

"Hey Bobby you have to look at this." Hen called to her friend. They were making their way through a photo album that Buck had brought down to them. "Our boy and his curls." Hen said to him he looked down at the photo then back at Buck.

"That's quite the change." Bobby said to him. "You look rediculously young in this." Bobby said to him.

"Nineteen nearly twenty." Buck said to him. "That was the year Luke and I went to Aspen for christmas, I had him believing that I couldn't ski well for a couple of days of the holiday." Buck said to him Eddie purched his butt on the sofa next to him and smiled down at the photos' he took his boyfriend and took his hand squeezing it. "I forgot how good he looked." Buck said to him.

"Buck you both look amazing." Hen said to him.

"You look like you are young and in love." Bobby said to him.

"We were." Buck said to him. "But we knew that our dreams would take that away from us. His wife who loves me has had to live with the fact that that his closer to me even now than he is to her." Buck said to them with a shrug. "Summer before Junior year we spent in Peru, that was the last one we had together as a couple. Coach pulled us aside and told us we were getting some unwanted attention, someone had photos of the two of us being a little more intimate as a couple in public than we would normally be. We were careful a lot of the time but we had our moments." Buck said to them.

"You split up because of something your coach said?" Hen asked.

"He had our backs and we had a lot of pressure on us that season." Buck said to her. "So yes. Of course I'd get injured in the fifth game of the season and I let my dreams die." Buck said to her.

"But why? You'd have been able to date him openly by that point." Bobby said to him.

"I introduced him to his wife not long after we broke up. He was smitten and I was happy for him. That was a hard conversation to have and we survived it. His wife is one of my best friends, his son is my godson and I get to be a part of that life. Besides all of that, if I had managed to somehow get him to leave her. I would never have met any of you and I don't like thinking about what if's." Buck said to him. "I wouldn't swap meeting Eddie and Christopher for a second chance with Luke." Buck informed them.

"Good to know." Eddie said to him. They were still new to each other and in a relationship but they spent most of their off duty hours doing stuff together and with others when asked. "I'm not sure I could win that fight." Eddie said to him.

"You already have." Buck said to him with a grin on his face.

Chapter 8: To all our yesterday's, we love you xoxo

Chapter Text

Christmas morning Buck woke up to the smell of bacon and couldn't help but smile as he rolled out of bed heading for the door to their shared room. Lucas was already up nursing a cup of coffee and had one ready to go for him as he sat down at the breakfast bar. "Wow you know me so well." Buck said leaning in for a morning kiss he put a small wrapped present down in front of Lucas. "Happy Christmas." He said softly the man looked at him Strangely.

"I thought we were doing presents with everyone else." Lucas said to him.

"The present I want everyone to see is under the tree. This one however I want to do privately." Buck said to him Lucad beamed at him as he did his best to open the present carefully. Buck watched with amusem*nt in his eyes as Lucas opened the small box. "What is this?" He asked.

"I got a place of campus, that is the key I had made for you." Buck said with a wicked smile. "I'm hoping you're going to move in with me. So we can have us time without being caught by the enemy." Buck said to him.

"Yes." Lucas said simply. "Not sure why you didn't want to do it in front of the family." Lucas said to him.

"Well the rest of this holiday is with people, this morning is just about us two." Buck pointed out as he helped himself to bacon from Lucas' plate. "You know Micah is going to kill us both rightm" he added.

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Present day

"So you and Lucas moved in together." Eddie asked as they sat talking in the fire house with Hen and Chim.

"It shouldn't surprise you that we did." Buck said to him. "I sold the property after moving out here, loved it but I wasn't going to need it post college." Buck said flipping the page. The house that they were looking at was nice, Lucas and TK were standing either side of Buck for a photo all three smiling. "The girl in the next photo Jen she was in on our dirty little secret. So we could be ourselves and hold hands. TK is as gay as they come so he wasn't surprised or bothered by us." Buck said to them.

"Do you still see Jen." Hen asked.

"She's some fancy family lawyer in London now. It's been a couple of years but we still talk." Buck said with a smile as he pulled up a photo. "Of course she met someone called Bob so she didn't do great." Buck said with a grin.

"What about children?" Chim asked.

"She has a daughter Lily, as for me I have a step son you might know something about." Buck said to him Chim stared confused while Eddie and Hen beamed at him. Yes they'd barely started dating but that he acknowledged that he was a part of Christopher's life was as important as acknowledging he was dating Eddie himself.

"You want more?" Hen asked.

"Yeah one I can raise sure." Buck said to her.

"What does that mean?" Chim asked.

"Bob is trans, when they wanted to start a family I agreed to be a sperm donor as did Lucas. "Jen helped us out a lot during our dating phase and afterwards. It was no hardship for me or Lucas to help them become the family they wanted to become." Buck said to him. "Biologically Lily is mine, legally I'm a sperm donor." Buck said to them.

"You have a daughter." Eddie said incredulously.

"No I have a friends daughter who is related to me by blood but I am not her parent. I am a happy uncle. When she is old enough, they will tell her or not the full story." Buck said to him.

"And you're happy with that?" Hen asked.

"God yes, I spoil her rotten and she has a trust fund I set up for her but she has two parents a mom and a dad. If I was asked again I'd do it again." Buck said to them. "Mom and dad spoil her rotten, she is their grandchild though again she doesn't know that yet." Buck informed them.

"I am learning all kinds of things about you Evan." Eddie said leaning into kiss him. "The more I learn the more I love." He added.

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"Evan, Lucas.... thank god your here you can save me from that." TK said to them as he hugged them in turn. Owen and Gwyn were fighting over Marlon Blendo.

"Mom, dad I brought Luca home and his pregnant with sextuplets." Buck yelled to be heard. The couple span around to face their eldest. "Knew that would get there attention." Buck said as he walked over to them and gave them both a hug. Gwyn tugged on his locks.

"You need a hair cut." She informed him.

"I don't know I kind of like it." Lucas said to her Buck blushed making the others in the runner chuckle. "Besides more to pull." Lucas said Bucks eyes bulged out as he span and glared to Lucas.

"Really Lucas, my parents will think you are some deviant." Buck said to him.

"Hell kiddo, we raised you and watched you two date each other or dance around each other since freshman year at St Judes." Owen said to them.

"Owen not helping." Gwyn said.

"The night you lost your virginity dad actually walked in on that." TK informed them.

"Remind me again why I came home from Aspen for this." Buck said as he pulled a beer out of the fridge glared at Owen when he looked about to protest and opened the bottle using the counter top to do so.

"Because its New Year's eve in a couple of days and you want to spend it with us." TK said to him with a grin Buck shook his head with annoyance. Lucas smirked at his boyfriend and dragged him down the hall to his bedroom. Bucks room hadn't changed much since he'd left for college. Bands he didn't like any more were on the walls and film posters. Model fighter jets that he had put together as a kid sat on his desk or suspended from wires from the ceiling.

Books on serial killers littered the bookshelf he'd constructed as a project or just to annoy his dad he couldn't remember which. A game day Jersey from high school senior year signed by all the players on the team was above his bed.

"You forgot that!" Lucas said to him.

"Where in my dorm was I going to put it." Buck asked Lucas laughed.

"Fair point." Lucas said.

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Present day

"I'm guessing that Jersey is worth a few now." Hen said to him.

"It is, I had it valued for a charity auction which never happened. Its in wardrobe at home. I get a kick out of it every once in a while." Buck explained.

"Your parents were accepting?" Chim asked.

"Well two gay sons was a bit of a surprise." Buck admitted. "I know what Maddie will say so don't bother bringing it up." Buck said when Chim went to say something. "You can date my sister all you like but we are friends and seeing as I consider my adoptive parents and brother to he more like family than my bio family we are never really going to be in laws." Buck said to Chim nodded before heading for the kitchen and coffee for them all.

"You don't want reconcile?" Hen asked.

"When I went looking for answers things did not go well." Buck said simply. "They abandoned me by choice Hen I owe my donors nothing." Bucks harsh words were compounded as he wrapped his arm around Eddie and pointing at the others. "Besides my adoptive family, I have all the family I need right here." Buck informed them kissing the edge of Eddie's mouth.

Chapter 9: New Years Celebrations

Chapter Text

New Years Eve

Buck couldn't help but smile as they had most of the fire house at his parents place, enjoying the festivities and watching the clock at times square counting down, "You know your family is weird right?" Lucas said to him as he wrapped his meaty arms around Buck's waist drawing him in. Buck laughed as he looked over his shoulder at his boyfriend all smiles. Here among his fathers crew and the extended family they could at the very least be themselves around this lot of people many of whom he had grown up around. "The day I can say dad's fire house is normal is the day I need to call mom and find out whether dad died." Buck said to him Lucas chuckled in his ear. "God I love these people." Buck said to him. "Look at my little brother, he thinks he is being subtle about his fancying the new probie." Buck stage whispered as his mother passed the woman looked in his little brothers direction and laughed. It wasn't the first time that they'd had issues like that, not that it was ever an issue. Buck was protective of TK, in the same way that his brother was protective of him when it came to his immediate birth family. Also known as his dad's sister and his former mother.

"Its kind of cute." Gwyn said to him.

"At least you know he has a thing for the older man." Buck said to her she snorted. "Luke says the family is weird, I don't think that is the worst thing that we've ever been called." Buck said to her she laughed at this.

"You two have plans tonight?" Ester Eastman asked them.

"Nah we have to fly back pretty early tomorrow." :Lucas said to her.

"Really?" Gwyn asked Buck burst out laughing. "If you two keep this up you can leave tonight." She said to them miffed for a moment before hugging them both.

"We have a few more days in town before we need to be back at college mom so don't worry. I promised Luke I'd show him the fire station before we went back." Buck said to her she sighed.

"If you don't make it in the NFL I am going to have another firefighter in the family I can just tell." Gwyn said to him he laughed and nodded. It was apparently her lot in life to live in fear and with worry that her sons or ex husband would not come back from a call. "Just make it to the NFL please, your father would be so intolerably smug if you became a fire fighter." She said then left the three of them alone. "Oh and Ester please get some shots of these two for the family album." Gwyn said to them. "Just for the family album." She added. The house knew the rules about the two of them, they had been clear that the boys did not want to be outed to the world by some mistaken thought that it would be funny and or cute. Buck smiled as Ester snapped a shot of the two of them on her phone, she'd have to put it onto her computer to get a clear shot but it would be fine in the end.

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Present day

Buck chuckled at the incredulous looks on his friends faces, the fire house photos were on the page they had turned to. In between fire fighters were Buck and TK at various ages. Buck looking rediculously young in one and a teenager in another. "Mom and dad had a thing about documenting some of our time in the fire house at one point. That one was probably a month after I came to live with them." Buck explained.

"Who is that?" Bobby asked.

"Lt. Nathan Maccy." Buck said to him. "He died a couple of years ago." Buck said to them. "The smoke and what not from the pile and the day the towers fell." Buck said to them. "It was quick at least which is better than some of them suffered." Buck said to them shaking his head. "I grew up in that fire house that probie right there has his own fire house now. Damn near killed me when I heard that the dorky nerd that everybody used to give a hard time over his comics is now one of the most respected young captains in the FD back home." Buck explained. "There you go. Luke and I at the fire house." Buck said to them with a bright beaming smile he pointed at the two of them in NYFD jackets that he still had somewhere.

"How the hell did you manage that?" Eddie asked.

"The chief is a family friend." Buck said to him. "Dad made a couple of calls and low and behold they were waiting for us." Buck told him.

"You are so lucky." Hen said to him.

"I'm blessed with a very big family Henrietta, most of them are still firefighters in New York." Buck informed her with a big grin. "My biological family isn't that big to be fair." Buck said to them.

"Firefighters are it seems to be your brothers in arms." Eddie said to him Buck closed his arms around Eddie's shoulders drawing him into a short kiss. "My family might be slightly bigger now." Buck said to him as he offered his hand to the man in question.

---------

It was close to midnight and Buck hadn't seen his brother in a while the high schooler it seemed was being ellusive and it bothered him slightly, they'd never been this distant. It seemed something was going on with his brother that he didn't know about. Buck knocked on his little brothers bedroom door before opening it and stepping in. TK was on the bed texting on his phone, "Dude its nearly new years and you are in here chatting with a girl friend or your actual boyfriend?" Buck asked him TK looked up and shrugged. Buck walked over to the bed plucking the phone out of his brothers' hands and and looking at the text. "Okay so someone you are hot on and who seems to be hot on you." Buck said to him as he sat down.

"You know I could be offended by that." TK said with a shy smile.

Buck plucked the phone out of his brothers hands and texted the boy giving him the address. "What the hell?" TK demanded.

"Well its close to midnight so you should have someone to kiss when the night comes. You are already dating him right?" Buck asked TK nodded his head. "Then why the bother of hiding it." Buck asked.

"He was the guy giving me a hard time last year, dad doesn't like him." TK said to him Buck rolled his eyes.

"I'm not a huge fan but if you are dating him it seems like he changed his tune." Buck said to him TK nodded. "So lets meet him and sod what dad thinks, if he wants to date you then clearly something has changed." Buck said to him TK nodded. "I can text him and tell him not to bother, say that it was your big brother wanting to put the scared into him." Buck said to him TK shook his head as the boy replied saying he would be there soon. "Is everything okay?" Buck asked him TK smiled.

"Yeah it kind of is." TK said to him.

"Another few months and you are going to be free of this house." Buck said to him. "I know that you have some bad memories of this city and the attack, just like I do. Trust me when I say that the distance you put between you and it will help." Buck said to him.

"Shouldn't you be with Lucas?" TK asked.

"He knows I was looking for you and his talking shop with the lads." Buck said to him.

"You tired of it already?" TK asked.

"I am tired of talking football, when its all anyone seems to want to talk about." Buck said to him TK laughed. "Lucas loves to talk football and its cool and I love him so I talk football." Buck said to him.

"But?" TK asked.

"I'm not sure that's what I want with my life Tyler. I have money I don't need more of it. And I don't want to hide that I am a gay player." Buck said to him.

"And Lucas?" TK asked Buck gave him a look and smiled sadly. "Yeah I thought that might be the case." TK said to him.

"T I have money, his family works for every penny they have and the holidays that they take their kids on." Buck said to him. "My world is so different to the one he knows, if its works great. If it doesn't I'd rather have a friend for life than someone I say hey I knew him in high school." Buck said to him.

"But you are in love with him that should mean something." TK said to him.

"And it does, it means that if you really love someone you want what they want and sometimes what you want and what they want are two different things baby brother." Buck said to him.

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Present day

"You knew?" Eddie asked.

"I guessed, we were happy Eddie but we wanted different things. Even then I think I knew that I didn't want the life of a pro ball player. I just wasn't brave enough to say it out loud." Buck said to him. "I have so few regrets about my life back then and Lucas and I going our separate ways is not one of them." Buck told them.

"Takes a big man to know when to walk away." Hen said to him.

"It hurt, I mean god did it hurt at the time but I have no regrets now." Buck explained. "I have a gorgeous god son, something I would not have if I had held on to him. If I had fought for him like he begged me to." Buck said to them closing his eyes he took a breath. "I broke it off with him, I saw them together and I saw how much they cared for each other and I couldn't bring myself to be selfish enough to try and stop it. I wanted to believe me I did. I started that call numerous times before I finally caught the two of them sharing a kiss. I wasn't even angry, I was sad and I felt like my life was falling apart but angry no." Buck said to them. "It just felt like I was letting someone else love him the way I did." Buck informed them. "I'd also point out if I had fought, we wouldn't be talking about this about my life with him the way we are." Buck told them. "I don't have regrets about me and Lucas, not now. I made my choices and I am happy with them." Buck said to him.

"So does that actually mean you are going to take the job with PD?" Eddie asked.

"Hell no." Buck said to him. "I like what we do, I like making a difference and I like being able to save lives from time to time." Buck said to him.

"Good to know I haven't got anything to worry about." Bobby said to him.

"Eddie thinks I should take the job and its not like I am not tempted by it but there is only so many times you can stare evil in the eye before it changes you." Buck said to them. "You know when we were looking at boys names for Lucas's son, he would suggest names and I'd be like can't be that because you know Henry Lee Lucass, or Jeffrey Dahmer or hell Ted Bundy and the like." Buck said to them they all looked at him strangely. "You know about my first boyfriend?" Buck asked they nodded. "Thats why I did criminal psychology, I wanted to catch the bastard who killed him and then they caught him and suddenly that goal wasn't achievable any more. I interviewed him I visited him, looking for answers. He knew I wanted to know the location of my boyfriend, he knew I was connected to one of his victims. Its why he has never told anyone where he buried him." Buck said to them.

"Buck you can't blame yourself for that!" Eddie said to him.

"But I can and his family certainly does." Buck said to him Eddie sighed. "You know why I love Christopher so much?" Buck asked.

"His a great kid Buck." Hen said to him.

"His not clouded by all the evil in the world, he looks at it the way someone should. He does that because their are people like you and I who do what we do so that kids like him can be oblivious to the evils in the world." Buck said to Athena who smiled sadly. "You lost someone." Buck said to her she nodded. "You carry yourself like you have, like their is weight on your shoulders that won't ever be lifted." Buck said to her.

"Stop." Athena said it commandingly. "You can profile who ever the hell you like, but you don't do that with me." Athena said to him.

"To late." Buck said to her. "I know more about you all than you probably do yourselves. Its because I read people, when they enter the room I read their moods, I see what they wear, I see how they act and that tells me the kind of person they are. You are a crusader Athena, you want to right the wrongs of the world one wrong at a time. Its what I love about you." Buck said to her she beamed at him for this. "Let it go." Buck added she looked at him with a strange glint in her eyes.

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The chimes of the clock could be heard in the house as it struck midnight, Owen found Buck nursing a beer at the fire place, "You invite that little prick?" Owen asked Buck looked at TK and his boyfriend who were cuddling on the sofa. "I did." Buck said to him. "I know he was giving Tyler a hard time, but its a new year dad its time for you to put the past behind you and give him a chance." Buck said to him.

"I don't like him!" Owen said to him.

"You don't have to like him for yourself, you just have to let him make his own mistakes and if this is a mistake then so be it." Buck said to him.

"You know he od'd right." Owen said to him Buck nodded. "That little prick is the reason or one of them anyway that he did."

"Dad, he didn't put the drugs in my brothers hand and I am pretty sure even Tyler isn't that self destructive to date someone who caused him to take his own life." Buck said to him. "They seem pretty close right now and that is all that matters." Buck said to him. "Plus if he does hurt Tyler again the whole fire house will kill him." Buck pointed out that got a sharp smirk from his dad which made him laugh.

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Present day

"What happened to the boyfriend?" Eddie asked.

"His own team mates kicked the sh*t out of him after he got TK high and left him at a party, his doing a stretch in jail for what he did that night." Buck said to him.

"You didn't get involved?" Bobby asked.

"They didn't want me anywhere near it, so I wasn't told what he had been charged with until the arraignment." Buck said to him. "Then I wanted to kill him. My brother's drug problem may not have started that night but it was the beginning of a slippery slope for him and it ended up with more code blues than I would have liked and certainly than my parents would have liked." Buck explained. "Tyler is clean and it was hard fought to get him there but if you asked him about it there is only one thing he would change about it." Buck said to them.

"Only one?" Hen asked.

"He would tell you that he is who he is today because of the things he has been through. I'm not going to tell you anything more than that." Buck said to them.

"We respect that." Eddie said kissing him on the lips. "There is more to this right?" Eddie asked.

"Yes." Buck said to him. "But that's just for you and when I am ready to share it with you, you will have some idea what I am talking about." Buck said to him Eddie nodded hugging him.

Chapter 10: I'm Going To Kill The Little F**ker

Chapter Text

The phone ringing while he was at the fire house wasn't unusual but it was a little strange to see his fathers number pop up on his screen. "Hey dad, I'm at work." Buck said to him.

"I know, however your brother is in the hospital. He od'd and is asking for you." Owen said to him Buck's world ground to a halt. "It seems Alex was cheating on him, he proposed last night." Owen said to him Buck growled an honest to god deep chested growl that had everyone around him paying attention to the fire fighter in question. "Apparently a spin cycle instructor." He finished. Buck would have laughed if he wasn't so angry, a spin cycle instructor that was the best he could do. Buck however was currently grinding his teeth, "Evan he needs you not to be in a jail cell." Owen said to him.

"You better make sure Alex is not in town then, cause I'm going to kill him." Buck snarled dropping his phone on the table and heading for the changing room. Bobby scooped the phone up for him. "Owen what did Alex who ever that is do?" Bobby asked Owen explained again. "How does he look?" Owen asked him.

"Like he is going to kill someone. I am glad he doesn't carry a carry and conceal permit." Bobby said to him. "I'm not going to be able to stop him getting to you, you know that right!" Bobby said to him.

"I figured and I know that Eddie is unlikely to be able to drop everything to keep him calm." Owen said to him.

"I can try." Chim said to him. "Maybe his sister." Chim said.

"Oh great idea." Bobby said looking at him strangely. "Chim are we trying to make a situation even worse or calm it down." Bobby asked him. "I know that the two of them seem to be getting on better these days but that being said, I don't think that is the best of ideas. Given the look of murder in his eyes." Bobby said to his friend.

----------

"Hen you really didn't have to do this." Buck said as they exited JFK airport.

"Oh I have always wanted to see New York." Hen said to him. "Its a hell of a lot colder here than back home." Hen said to him.

"That's because its almost winter." Buck said as he hailed a cab for them both. "I'm not entirely sure what you are going to be able to do here Hen." Buck said to her.

"Stop you from doing something that you are going to regret." She said to him.

Buck shook his head as the two relaxed back into the seats of the taxi as it whisked them into the city of New York, Hen's eyes balked at the bill being wracked up by Buck on this trip into the city. "We could have taken public transport or hired a car." Hen said to him. "Have you ever seen New York traffic." Buck said with a look at his friend. "And I don't do public transport unless I have no choice. What do you know I have a choice." Buck said to her the two laughed. "Growing up all I really wanted to do was get out of this city and away from the ghosts. Now I'm actually kind of looking forward to seeing it again. From the eyes of someone who doesn't get back here as often as he probably should." Buck said to her she laughed.

"Kinda." Buck said to her.

By the time they arrived at the fire house, Buck was all smiles and telling her stories of things he did in this street or that. When they climbed out of the taxi he paid the bill before turning to look up at the fire house. "This is home." Buck said to her. "I grew up here, I became a man in these halls." Buck said to her as they walked inside the fire house.

"Buckley what the hell are you doing here?" Someone yelled down at them from the up stairs balcony.

"My brother." Buck said to him. "Henrietta Wilson, meet Thumper." Buck said to her.

"I really hate when you call me that, but you knew that already didn't you." Thumper said to him. "Dylan." Thumper introduced himself.

"Probie you don't get to pick your own nickname." Buck said to him.

"And I haven't been a probie in ten years." Dylan said as he reached them. "They haven't been released from the hospital yet." Dylan said as he hugged Buck who smiled as he returned the hug.

"Wasn't sure whether they would have or not, so I thought the fire house was the best place to start." Buck said to him.

"What are you doing here in the big apple?" Dylan asked Hen.

"Making sure he doesn't kill someone." Hen said nudging Buck.

"Ah yeah I think that is probably for the best." Dylan said to them.

"Evan Strand as I live and breath, god damn boy you are a site for sore old eyes." An older man in his fifties but looking far older than Buck remembered made his slow way down the stairs to them. "Hey gramps what the hell happened to you?" Buck asked.

"Cancer kid, lymphoma, the pile." The man said tightly. Buck's eyes darkened before he let out a sigh.

"I'm sorry man, how is treatment?" Buck asked the man shook his head. "f*ck." Buck exclaimed angrily as he drew the man into his arms and hugged him tightly. "How is Joey and Esmay?" He asked.

"Joey is an intern at General, Esmay is in Orlando with her new husband." The man said Buck said f*ck again. "Who is this lovely lady?" He asked.

"Hen this is Benny, his been a fixture of this fire house since the eighteen hundreds right Ben?" Buck asked the man in question burst out laughing at this as did every one else in the fire house who heard it. "Running joke." Dylan said to her. "We have some food if you're hungry, I don't need to ask Evan I already know he is." Dylan said to her she laughed.

"I could use some food that isn't plane food." Hen said to him.

"Excellent." Benny said. "Give him a moment." Benny said. It was then that she realised that Buck was staring at something on the wall of the fire house by the rescue truck. Buck didn't seem to notice that the rest of them had left.

"Cap after the trade centres errected a memorial to the people this fire house lost that day." Dylan said to her.

"A couple of those men up there were like uncles unofficially obviously to Evan and Tyler." Benny said to her racking up a series of heavy coughs that had everyone looking worried he waved them away. "Dylan here joined the house in the wake of the attack, one of the caps first appointments when he started the rebuild." Benny explained.

"Is that likely to calm him?" Hen asked.

"Probably." Benny said to her as Buck started to come up the stairs towards them. He was smiling as he reached the top of the stairs.

"You haven't started to tell embarrassing stories about me have you Benny?" Buck asked him as he sat down on the sofa next to Hen.

"Not yet, depends on what you plan to do about Alex." Benny said to him.

"I'm going to make him regret hurting Ty." Buck said to him Benny nodded.

"That's not a look I like on you Buckaroo." Hen said to her friend.

"Its one he won't like either, lets just say that I won't be arrested." Buck said to her.

-------

"Henrietta what are you doing here?" TK asked her as they arrived at the fire house.

"Well I think that people were hoping I'd be able to stop Buck from doing anything that he was going to regret." Hen said to him as she hugged him then she slapped him about the head. "That is for being stupid and letting that little sh*t compromise your sobriety." Hen said to him as he rubbed his head where she had whacked him. The rest of the fire house burst out laughing at this.

"Hey that's my job." Buck said as he came out of the toilet.

"Oh hell she doesn't hit as hard as you do." TK said blushing Buck walked over to him drawing him into a hug. Buck felt his brother tuck his head in under his chin as he basked in the feeling of the hug he was getting. "Now I'd like for you to tell me why I shouldn't go do what I want to do to that little prick." Buck said to his brother who pulled back and gave his brother a look. "Thats' what I thought." Buck said to him TK snorted.

"I thought we agreed killing was out of the question." Hen said to him.

"Oh we did, that doesn't mean I can't torture the little f*cker." Buck said to her.

"Remind me not to get in the way of you when you are angry." Hen said to him.

"The little f*cker flirted with me the first time we met, not realising I was TK's brother." Buck said to him. "Then when he did, he acted like I didn't exist and that nothing had actually happened. Not that many people at the party hadn't noticed because they had." Buck said to them.

"I didn't though." TK said to him.

"We can blame it on the high of love you had for that man." Buck said to him.

"Yeah we can go with that." Owen said to him. "Now what are you two doing in the city while you are here?" Owen asked.

"Well you are going to show Hen the city and I am going to go have a word with my little brother's ex and remind people around here who has the biggest balls in this family." Buck said to him.

---------

Alex heard the knock on his door, or rather the hammering on his front door. He was hoping it was a case of mistaken door but after looking through the peep hole he felt his stomach jump into his throat. Taking a breath he opened the door. "Hi Evan." Alex said to him cordially.

"Hi sh*t face." Buck said to him.

"So we aren't going to be friendly about this." Alex said to him.

"Do you know how many times I have gotten calls about my brother overdosing on oxy?" Buck asked him Alex shook his head. "To many and for him to sacrifice his sobriety over you, that is something I won't forgive you for." Buck informed him.

"I can call the police Evan." Alex said to him.

"Oh please do, given what I know about you and your past I would love to have a conversation with some of my dad's friends about you and your college habbits." Buck said to him Alex though dark skinned was feeling very pale. "You remember what I told you after you tried to hook up with me that one time?" Buck asked.

"You'd kill me if I hurt him." Alex said to him.

"So you do remember how delightful I found it that my baby's brothers boyfriend tried to get laid with me." Buck said to him. "Good, you're from Minnesota Alex, go back and never come here again." Buck said to him. "Or someone in the police department is going to get a nice gift file about all the things you used to do in College. I don't think the limitations on supplying class a's to underage kids is up yet." Buck said to him. "Nor is the murder charge that they'd likely throw your way, for the kid you helped kill with some really dodgy pills." Buck said to him.

"You wouldn't." Alex said to him.

"Oh I would. I'd make your spin cycle piece on the side saw it and all, I warned you just what would happen if you hurt Tyler. Now I am telling you what is going to happen if you don't leave." Buck said to him.

"I need time." Alex said to him.

"Good, I am glad we are on the same page Alex." Buck said to him. "Alex if you go anywhere near my little brother again and I find out..." Buck started then leaning in he whispered something that no one but Alex heard and then left with the smell of sh*t following him out of the apartment complex. Buck smirked as he spotted Hen and Owen waiting outside of the apartment complex for him. "Do I need to be worried about you being arrested?" Owen asked his eldest son.

"No you also don't need to worry about Alex coming around again." Buck said to him.

"What did you do?" Hen asked.

"I made sure he knows I know about his past." Buck said to him.

"Like?" Owen asked.

"Dad if you don't know about it and he is dumb enough to go to the police you won't have testify against your own son." Buck said to him. "Either of them." Buck said Owen winced at this.

"I'm not happy about that statement." Hen said to him.

"Neither am I." Buck said to him.

--------

"You know you made him sh*t himself!" TK said as they came into their dad's place.

"He called you?" Buck asked TK nodded. "I don't know whether to be impressed with his balls or disappointed." Buck said to him.

"I love you dearly but I wish you hadn't done that." TK said to him.

"You still love him and I get that, but I was not going to break my word to him when I told him if he hurt you there would be consequences. And before you try and defend him I will point out that you over dosed deliberately." Buck said to him TK looked like he was ready to argue with his brother then let out a sigh and Buck shook his head. "He is going to leave you the hell alone." Buck said to him.

"Thank you." TK said to him.

"I did not realise just how scary Buck could be." Hen said to Owen.

"He comes across as a teddy bear doesn't he." TK said to her she laughed as Buck pouted at his brothers comments. "You tried to stop him right?" TK asked.

"You know what your brother is like." Hen said to him TK smiled.

"I've lived with him for most of our lives so that would be a yes. At least Eddie doesn't have to worry about me doing that." TK informed her.

"He would be deeply impressed that cute and cuddly TyTy could get that mean." Buck said to him TK glared at him. "His seen you dressed as a fairy little brother for your eighth birthday." Buck pointed out.

"Oh god why do you have that photo?" TK asked.

"As proof we knew you were going to be a gorgeous member of the LGBT community." Buck said to him TK sighed. "We knew." Owen said to his sons. "About both of you." Owen added.

"Oh do tell." Hen said to him.

"After I tell you about what I am planning for us." Owen said to them. "Meaning me and TK seeing as I am fairly sure I can't convince you to come to Texas." Owen said to him.

"That would be a resounding no." Hen said to him. "We'd never allow it and you'd have to fight Christopher for him." Hen added.

"Not a fight we could win." Owen said.

"So what's the plan?" Buck asked.

"You know what happened in Austin?" Owen asked.

"The 126 all but wiped out in an explosion." Buck said to him he nodded. "You want to go to Texas to do what you did here?" Buck asked.

"Don't make it sound so bad!" Owen said to him.

"Dad you are from New York, you aren't from Austin and if you go out there you are going to be as welcome as you were in the line dancing bars." Buck said to him.

"You line dance Owen?" Hen asked.

"He does." TK said to her.

"So do you I have seen the videos." Buck said to him TK smiled slyly at him.

"Buck you took dancing lessons." Owen said to him.

"Oh really." Hen said with a look at her friend.

"He was in the glee club as well as the football team a real Ryan Murphy type glee club." TK said to her she burst out laughing. "Our boy here can sing when he wants to." TK added.

"Do not." Buck said to him.

"Oh I am." TK said to him.

"Tyler please." Buck begged. "I have to work with them." Buck added.

"Pay back for the TyTy thing Evan." TK said Buck groaned making the others laugh.

"So the entire house is going to see me strutting my stuff." Buck said to him.

"Oh yeah you can bet on that." Hen said to him. "Hit me boys." Hen said to them Buck leaned over and gave her a little tap about the back of the head she glared at him.

"That is not what I meant." She said as they both giggled.

---------

"You are very privileged." Hen said to him as they stood at the bar enjoying espresso martini's.

"Nah I'm just lucky." Buck said to her with a smile. "You like?" He asked.

"Oh yeah this I like." Hen said to him. "Are you going to be okay when I go back to LA in a couple of days?" Hen asked.

"I'm going to help them move to Texas, I am lagging behind on leave and the department were wanting me to take some of it." Buck explained. "I called Bobby while you did the museum today, to let him know I'd be staying on for a few more days. I've also spoken to Eddie and Christopher so they know that I'm going to be here a little while longer." Buck said to her.

"As long as you are coming back." Hen said to him.

"I am, I just need to make sure T is okay." Buck said to her.

"Family first." Hen agreed. "He seems okay." Hen said to him.

"I think so, but I don't get to see them that long." Buck said to her. "Almost getting blown up, him overdosing again. I need to make more time for him." Buck said to her she nodded.

"Lets get drunk." Hen said. "And more of these." Hen said to him Buck laughed as Owen and TK came over from their dance. "You guys drinking co*cktails?" TK asked.

"What gave it away." Buck asked.

"You know he used to do this sort of thing right. He has qualifications in mixology." TK informed her.

"You think you can mix up here?" Hen asked.

"He can." The bartender said to her. "He did some work here during the summers." He added.

"Okay I want a Buck special for me and Owen and I want a Buck non alcoholic co*cktail for TK." Hen said to him.

Chapter 11: Some Ghosts Are Harder To Lay To Rest

Chapter Text

Austin Texas

"Wow this place is like a ghost town." TK said to them both as they entered the 126. It looked like it had been left the night of the tragedy.

"Its a tomb." Buck said somberly. "You remember what the 252 looked like in the aftermath." Buck asked TK who nodded blinking back tears of memories long since past. Of friends long since gone from the world, some of them that day some later. Buck patted his brother's arm. "We don't belong here." Buck said to Owen who looked at him strangely. "You remember how we felt after you started replacing the guys. I hated Thumper at the beginning." Buck said to him with a shake of his head. "These people aren't even ready to take the dead flowers away dad." Buck said to him.

"Some times having someone to be angry at and even hate is what is needed Buck." Owen said to him Buck sighed.

"Just don't go out to proof a point." Buck said to him.

"You know me, the king of subtle." Owen said to him Buck and TK shared a look before laughing at him. "Yeah I didn't think that you were going to buy that." Owen said to him with a grin on his face.

"I can stay two weeks, help you form this team if you like." Buck said to him Owen smiled. "But I have my team to get back to, so you can take my name off the list of replacements." Buck said to him Owen nodded his understanding. "Also allows me to make sure the burk is okay." Buck said to him pointing at TK who smiled.

"Okay then." Owen said to him.

---------

"You have any idea when you are going to be back?" Bobby asked. "I'm going to be here a couple of weeks. I just want to make sure Tyler is okay and that my dad doesn't get himself killed by pissing every guy associated with the 126 before his arrival off." Buck said to him Bobby laughed.

"You look good kid." Bobby said to him.

"I feel like a million dollars right now, I need some vacation and TK was pretty much an excuse for that." Buck said to him.

"You're being missed Evan." Bobby said to him.

"I had some ghosts in New York I didn't realise I had. I went back to the trade centre for the first time in a long time. Said hi to some old friends and made peace with some people I lost." Buck said to him.

"You have never dealt with that loss?" Bobby asked.

"I was a kid when it happened and I wasn't mature enough to deal with it as a teenager." Buck said to him. "A friend, another friend is dying." Buck said to him.

"The pile?" Bobby asked.

"You know by the twentieth anniversary of 9/11 more people will have died as a result of 9/11 and the illnesses that came after it than actually died on that day." Buck said to him.

"I did not." Bobby said to him.

"Most people don't want to think about it, this country swore that it would never forget. Trouble is you did." Buck said to him with a sad smile. "Oh god, no Bobby I am not having a dig at you for that." Buck said to him.

"I know, Buck I know. You make sure you are tied away before you get back here. Lay some of these ghosts to rest." Bobby said to him.

----------

"Any news on Buck?" Chim asked.

"He is in Austin with his family helping them set up the fire house." Eddie said to him.

"Oh you have got to be kidding me, they are setting up at the 126?" Athena asked.

"You know of it?" Bobby asked.

"Yeah the whole fire house died in an explosion bar one." Athena said to him.

"I guess thats what he meant by laying some ghosts to rest." Bobby said to her.

"Parallel's to the 252 his fathers fire house." Eddie said to him. "He checks in nightly with me and reads to Chris!" Eddie explains.

"Oh really." Athena said to him.

"Yeah sometimes I think he is just dating me so he can have time with Chris." Eddie said with a cheeky smile.

"That boy is into you Eddie." Hen said to him. "You are the only one he checks in with daily and I am guessing that he needs that contact as much as you both do." Hen said to him.

"Its kind of nice to have that chat, its not quite as nice as having him in my arms." Eddie said to her making the whole room laugh.

----------

"Holy sh*t that is one big piece of man meat right there." Buck said as he joined TK at the bar and signalled for another beer.

"His name is Carlos." TK said to him with a grin on his face. "I can't believe that you have been here nearly a month." TK said to him. "I also can't believe that you are going back tomorrow." TK said to him.

Buck had stayed longer than necessary he knew, that being said however he had wanted to spend time with his parents. Both of them as his mother had sprung a surprise visit to check on TK before heading to Israel on business. Now he was out of excuses and holiday time, so he was about to go home to start life back in LA. He was happy to say that he was going back in a happier place than he had when he joined them in New York. "You should talk to him, I mean if I didn't have Eddie I totally would." Buck said to him TK blushed furiously at this. "I mean seriously he is completely not your normal type and by the way he can't take his eyes off you." Buck said as he paid for his drink he walked past the cop in question. "His name is Tyty and he definitely would like to have your company." Buck whispered in the mans ear.

"Evan what did you do?" Owen asked as he joined the rest of the fire house. "TK is looking over here with murder in his eyes." Owen said to his eldest.

"Carlos the hot cop, only knows him as TyTy." Buck said to his dad who groaned.

"Sorry am I missing something?" Marjan asked.

"Only that I am a git." Buck said to her. "TyTy is the only clue you are going to get to his first name." Buck said to them.

"Ty Ty?" Mateo asked.

"Its what I call him when I know I can annoy him but mainly its a pet name." Buck said to them. He spotted Judd walking into the bar with an attractive black lady he didn't know. "Excuse me I have one last ghost to put to rest here." Buck said downing the rest of his drink as he made his way to the couple all smiles. "Hi, Evan Buckley-Strand." Buck said extending his hand to the woman who's hands weren't clenched till the knuckles were white. "Judd right?" Buck asked the man nodded. "We should talk." Buck said to him as he led them to the bar. The woman shook her head. "I'm not taking no for an answer so what are you both drinking?" Buck asked them Judd sighed and said a beer Grace asked for a white wine Buck ordered then turned to them.

"Nothing you say can help here!" Judd stated.

"Ended up under my own fire truck and I kind of been dealing with the 34 mins I spent under that truck ever since!" Buck stated. "You think I don't know what PTSI looks like when I see it." Buck asked Grace looked at him strangely. "Its an injury not a syndrome. We were injured in the line of duty, you saw your friends die in a heartbeat. That does stuff to us Judd whether we want to admit it or not." Buck said to him Judd nodded. "Dad survived the towers, his fire house didn't." Buck explained. "That fire house was closer to me than my birth parents who abandoned me as a small child with dad." Buck said to him. "My brother and I still live with that loss even now, the friends we lost the brothers that we lost." Buck said to him.

"And how do you deal with it." Judd demanded.

"You live Judd, you live and you find a way to survive the day. And then eventually it won't be like that. You will still carry the pain of that loss, but you won't be surviving." Buck said to him. "You have this gorgeous woman by your side and if you get your head out of your ass and ask for help you will have your fire house behind you. Brother we will always have your back, its brother hood/sister hood." Buck told him Judd's legs Buckled as a sob escaped the big mans lips. Buck caught him wrapping meaty arms around him and holding on. Grace placed a hand on her husbands back as Buck held him and let the man cry. After the longest time Judd pulled away from him, "You don't have to talk to dad but you need to talk to someone." Buck said to him.

"I'm not ready." Judd said to him.

"Dear lord if we waited until you were ready to discuss it, you'd never get back to where you need to be Judd." Buck said to him Judd laughed. "Dad's going to call you tomorrow with some numbers for people who work with the department who can help. Trauma councellors and I'll make sure you have my number before I go back." Buck said to him.

"You not staying?" Grace asked.

"I have my own fire house a boyfriend and a step son to get back to." Buck said to her she smiled at this. "You're going to be okay old man." Buck said to him.

"Less of the old." Judd grumbled.

"I'm going to get back to the group but you should join us." Buck said to them.

--------

"What did you say to Judd?" Owen asked the next morning at breakfast.

"I told him what it felt like in the hours after 9/11 and the 34 minutes I spent under my own fire truck." Buck said to him with a shake of his head.

"I didn't think you remembered any of that." TK said to him with a raised eyebrow.

"Bobby and Chim carry enough guilt for that without them knowing I remember it." Buck said to him TK sighed. "Did you get his number?" Buck asked.

"I did." TK said with a grin.

"Good." Buck said to him.

They were listening to the news when Buck's phone pinged he looked down at the screen and gaped. "Buck?" Owen asked.

"I need you to call the fire house, I need to call home." Buck said as he fumbled with his phone as he attempted to unlock it. TK grasped the TV remote turning up the volume to hear of a tsunami hitting the Santa Monica area. "Pick up." Buck whispered but all he got was the busy tone.

"Evan you know the networks crash or they shut them down." TK said to him Buck closed his eyes as he dialled the house and again got no answer.

Chapter 12: Do You Know This Darkness? Does It Have A Name?

Chapter Text

Those first hours after the news of the Tsunami and the images of the devestation wrought in his home state were hell for Buck. The advisory was to not attempt to come into LA county until the all clear was gone. They weren't sure whether or not the worst had been and gone or if it was still to come. Owen's first move had been to take his car keys from him. Buck had glared at his father when he had done it and sulked for a good hour after the incident much to the amusem*nt of several members of the 126. Buck had been trying to get through to the people in LA with no success since he'd seen the news. Now at the fire house he was at the very least doing something to keep his mind occupied and was currently baking up a storm. Owen shook his head as he entered the kitchen, "You know that stress bake thing got old when you were a teenager." Owen said to his son who looked over his shoulder at the man in question and raised an eye brow at him.

"Since you took my keys dad what did you think I was going to do to pass the time." Buck said to him with a glare.

"You will thank me for it later, you know as well as any one in this fire house that going into that disaster zone right now is not the best idea you could ever have." Owen said to him.

"I feel so f*cking useless." Buck growled.

"Shouldn't have got yourself blown up." Owen said to him making Buck laugh. "There it is, I knew I could get a laugh at you." Owen said to him. "Everyone is still trying to get through to LA." Owen said to him. "You know that Eddie and the others can look after themselves." Owen said to him.

"I am not worried about firefighters dad, I am worried about Christopher." Buck said to him with a glare Owen held up his hand in understanding. He certainly understood that fear all to well but he also knew that the chances were that his boyfriends son was out of harms way. That being said he also understood that his son wasn't going to rest until he knew for sure that his family all of it were safe and sound. He could not blame Buck for being worried, that was a real fear that had come for him directly more than once in his life time. He found it slightly alarming that now his son was going through the same thing with people he loved and people he was responsible for.

"Do not put him of his baking." TK said to their dad. "The rest of us could do with some sugar." TK said to him.

"You know I am not using sugar right?" Buck asked him TK glared at him. "I'm using sweetner because sugar is bad for you Tyler." Buck said to him TK glared at him for using his first name but nodded at this. "You don't want to get fat and put the hot police officer off." Buck said to him.

"What police officer?" Owen asked.

"TK has landed himself a hot latino police officer." Buck said to him. "I mean seriously his muscles have muscles." Buck said to him.

"I will find out about this later." Owen said to him.

---------

They were sitting down for dinner when Buck's phone went, he answered on the second ring. "Bobby, we've been trying all day." Buck said to him.

"Trust me when we were able to get reception again, we knew." Bobby said to him clearly amused. "Eddie is currently holding Christopher, asked me to give you a call. We are all mostly okay." Bobby said to him.

"Bobby I love you, but if you don't put Eddie on the phone right now I am going to murder you when I see you next." Buck said to him Bobby chuckled.

"I did tell him that this wouldn't work." Bobby said clearly amused.

"Hi Evan." Eddie said to him.

"Hell of a day hum." Buck said to him.

"Christopher and Carla were at the pier." Eddie said to him Buck felt like jelly at that. "Lena Bosko managed to get him to safety." Eddie said to him.

"Carla?" Buck asked the question that was on his mind.

"Missing." Eddie said to him as Buck felt a chair at the back of his legs and took a seat. "I have no idea how I didn't lose them both." Eddie said to him.

"Well I am guessing that luck had something to do with it. How is he?" Buck asked.

"Asleep thankfully but yeah pretty much what you would expect given what he has been through today." Eddie said to him. "I need you here." Eddie said to him.

"Talk to my dad, the son of a bitch is currently holding my car keys hostage." Buck groused making Eddie laugh. "I'm not sure how quick I can get to LA right now, the whole state is in a state of emergency, you might have noticed. You all just got hit by a tsunami." Buck said to him Eddie chuckled. "I love you all but I should let you get him home I will get back to LA as soon as I can." Buck said to him.

"Evan I love you." Eddie said to him Buck smiled widely replying in Spanish. Only TK seemed to look at him strangely.

----------

"First of all." Owen whacked him about the back of the head. "I do not enjoy being called that by my own son." Owen said to him with a shake of his head.

"You earned it, I'm going back to the house to get some sleep. I want my keys old man." Buck said to him Owen nodded fishing them out of his pocket.

"Sleep first Evan." Owen said to him Buck rolled his eyes at the older man who glared at him. "Okay I will trust you." Owen said to him.

When they reached the house the next morning Buck was just coming out of the shower, he heard the door go and headed for his room before anyone could see him in just a towel. He heard chatter from down the hall as he dressed then headed down to the kitchen where he found his brother, Carlos and Owen making food. "Well I guess that dad has met the boyfriend." Buck said to TK who smiled at him. "Hey Carlos." Buck said to him.

"TyTy?" He asked.

"Pet name." Owen said to him. "I can't quite believe that he introduced his brother by his pet name." Owen said to him.

"I can't quite believe that you actually thought I wouldn't." Buck said to his dad as the man placed food in front of him. "I'm eating them I am leaving." Buck said to him.

"Oh yeah but given the state of your arm you are not going alone, so I am coming with you." Carlos said to him. "That way I know you will get there in one piece." Carlos said to him. "And TK is coming with, this is a twenty hour drive and we both know that you won't stop to do something as trivial as sleep." Carlos said to him.

"Do I get a choice in this?" Buck asked them.

"No, so eat. TK needs to pack for a few days, Carlos already has a go bag." Owen said to him with a shake of his head.

"You know if I didn't love you both, I would kill you both." Buck said to them.

"Yeah but you do love us so you can't kill us." TK said to him. "Plus the boyfriend is packing." TK said to him.

"Really." Buck said to him Carlos was blushing and Buck couldn't help but laugh.

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"You need a better car than this trash heap." TK said to him from the back of the Chevie. "All the money you have, you drive a rust bucket and a jeep. Though I wonder whether the jeep is any better condition wise." TK said to him.

"Do not insult Bertha Ty Ty... or you can get out and walk." Buck said to him.

"You named the car?" Carlos asked.

"You don't name them?" Buck asked.

"No one normal does." TK said to him.

"Okay strange boy, when we get to LA I am going to introduce you to a game I found at a nerd fest a while back. Where naming your cars is a major thing in the game." Buck said to him.

"Oh yeah what is it called. Geek-a-thon?" TK teased.

"Okay you can shut up now." Buck said to him with a growl as he turned the radio up and tuned his brother out. It was another few hours before Carlos said he should find a place to pull in, that they needed to swap and that they also needed food. Buck didn't complain as he climbed out of the driver seat and they headed into the drive thru for some chicken. Buck shook his head as he watched his brother demolish several plates of fried chicken. "Have you managed to work out where he puts it all?" Buck asked him with a grin on his face Carlos burst out laughing. "I mean seriously, how much fat did you just consume man and you still have abs." Buck informed him with a shake of his head. TK blushed, it was rare at least that is what he thought that his brother would pay him a compliment of that kind. Buck always had his back he knew that, he also always made sure that he was there when the phone rang. Saying that he looked good was generally not something that TK heard his brother do often.

"Well I have theories but none I wish to share." Carlos said to him it was Buck's turn to blush furiously.

"Not so much fun now is it." TK teased him Buck laughed. "I can embarrass you just as much as you can me." TK informed him.

"Don't I know it." Buck said to him as his phone rang, he answered with a smile. "Hey babe." Buck said to him.

"Hey, are you on your way?" Eddie asked.

"Yeah we set out a few hours ago, we're about to cross over into Arizona." Buck said to him. "Is everything okay?" Buck asked.

"They found Carla." Eddie said to him. Buck let out a pained whimper. "She was a couple of miles in land, looks like she drowned." Eddie informed him Buck could only close his eyes and wipe furiously at his eyes. "Christopher kind of needs his Buckaroo." Eddie said to him.

"You both do." Buck said as he felt TK's hand on his free one. Buck looked up and smiled. "Put him on." Buck said to Eddie as he stood up and headed outside for some privacy. TK's phone pinged, looking down it was his dad letting him know that they'd found Carla. Bobby had called, them to let them know that a friend of Buck's had been lost in the first wave. He could see Buck outside the drive thru talking. "Carla, the one looking after Evan's step son for want of a better term died on the pier." TK said to him. "I think he is talking to Christopher." TK explained. They were still sitting there twenty minutes later when Buck walked back into the drive thru and sat down in the both. He looked to TK like he had been crying.

"Is he okay?" TK asked.

"What do you think TK." Buck ground out. "Sorry, didn't mean for you to be on the receiving end of that. Carla was all kinds of special and she meant the world to Eddie and Christopher." Buck said to him. Of course he didn't feel the need to point out that she had also meant a lot to him as well. It didn't need to be said, TK could see the tight sadness and the guarded way Buck was acting like he was trying to cushion himself from that pain by bordering it off from his psyche. He'd deal with the pain later when he didn't have to be around people who he thought were likely to ask stupid questions. That would only lead to him losing his sh*t with someone or someone's.

---------------------------

The fire house was full of people when the car pulled into the lot they all used for their cars, Buck was asleep until TK reached over and gave his shoulder a little nudge. Buck's eyes shot open as did Carlos's who had been snoozing in the back of the car. "Why... oh." Buck started then took in where he was at and climbed out of the stopped car. Buck could see that the local community had been bringing things that they thought that either the fire house could use or that they thought others in the community might need in the wake of the disaster. Hen spotted the three of them as they crossed the threshold. "Baby boy tell me you didn't drive like a madman." Hen said as she hugged him tightly kissing his cheek. "TK so good to see you, just wish it was better than this." Hen said to him.

"So do I!" TK said to her as she hugged him. "This is Carlos, his my boyfriend." TK introduced them.

"You landed on your feet." Hen said as she hugged Carlos and introduced herself. "We lost Lt. Benson." Hen said to him. "Thats what most of the food is for." Hen added.

"Benny, how's Shelly?" He asked.

"She's doing her best." Bobby said as he came down the stairs. "When you are fit to return to work, we will need to have a chat." Bobby said to him. "Eddie is upstairs." Bobby added.

Chapter 13: Hold Those You Love Close To You and Let Them Weep!

Chapter Text

The fire house was full of people as Buck, Carlos and TK reached the top of the stairs. "Wow you made good time." Eddie said to him as he came up to them.

"Well I drove most of it, I had a cop for company so I couldn't push the speed limit to much." Buck said to him as he took him into his arms kissing him on the lips. "TK does not do well with a stick shift." Buck muttered TK glared at him for this comment but smiled after a moment. "Does well and good when it comes to an automatic." Buck said to him with a shake of his head.

"I drove did I not?" TK asked him with a grin.

"You did, the transmission may need a going over though." Buck said to him TK laughed at this.

"The whole car needs to be binned." Carlos said to him Buck pouted at this. "I can't believe that you drove that to Texas and managed to get there in one piece." Carlos added. "I also can't believe that we drove it into a disaster zone and managed to get here in one piece. Given the way you were driving I am going to go with a divine intervention." Carlos added the three car mates shared laughter at this. The three of them had made good time but Buck would not admit that he could have gotten here faster if Carlos had allowed him to get a few speeding tickets. Buck pulled back from Eddie seeing Christopher waiting for him Buck wasted no time in scooping his boyfriends son up into his arms and giving him a hug. Christopher wrapped his arms around Buck's neck crying as he buried his face in Buck's neck. Carlos and TK shepparded everyone away from the budding family to give them some much needed privacy. Buck closed his eyes as he heard the sob escaping Christopher's lips.

"He has been asking for you since we got up this morning." Eddie said to him Buck nodded his head as he held Christopher whispering words of comfort to the boy in his arms. Being reminded that despite how mature the boy was for his age the boy was still only nine years old. "I'm glad you got here." Eddie said to him.

"Dad had to steal my car keys to stop me from coming when it happened." Buck said to him Eddie nodded.

"We've been talking." Eddie said to him with a grin. "Your dads' been helpful with Christopher." Eddie said to him.

"He would be, he had to deal with two sons traumatised after 9/11. Including night terror's where Tyler is concerned." Buck explained. "Come on I can see people wanting to see me." Buck said to him Eddie snorted as they walked towards the kitchen. Christopher was in no hurry to leave Buck's arms and Buck was happy to play the carrier for the time being. "Hi Athena." Buck said to her as they entered the kitchen area. He kissed her cheek. "I'd hug you but Chrstopher is not a fan of being squished." Buck said to her with a laugh.

"You have a more important job at the moment." Athena said to him. "You want a hotter cop or something?" She asked him.

"He is an upgrade on Alex for damn sure. Pretty damn cute." Buck said to her.

"Not as cute as I am." Eddie said to him.

"Not as cute as Christopher." Buck said a little giggle goosed his neck making him shiver. "You are handsome not cute, I am not thinking of how hot my brothers boyfriend is." Buck said to him Eddie snorted. "I like my latino arms." Buck added.

"Right answer." Eddie said to him.

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"Buck you have a visitor." Bobby called.

"I don't know who, you are all here." Buck said as he turned to look and spotted his sister coming up the stairs. She stopped mid stride when she heard this and then she saw the blush on her brothers lips as he realised the one person who had been missing from their little reunion. Chim shook his head as he looked at his girlfriends baby brother. "Hey Mad's kind of forgot you weren't here." Buck said to her which seemed not to have the desired effect but she nodded stiffly. Seeming to accept what he had said as a matter of fact rather than a slight against her as a person.

"You forgot about me?" Maddie said as she hugged him she slapped him lightly about the back of the head. "I will forgive you for that so long as you introduce me to the hunk." Maddie said to him.

"Hunk is gay and going out with Tyler." Buck pointed out.

"He improved?" Maddie asked.

"Yeah he improved." Buck said to her. "The last boyfriend is not going to be bothering him any longer." Buck growled.

"Was it that bad?" Maddie asked.

"He proposed and the idiot informed him that he had been cheating on him with a spin cycle instructor." Buck said to her she sighed. "I paid a visit." Buck said to her.

"Is he still alive?" Athena asked.

"Yeah he is." Buck said to her with a shake of his head. "My brother would not forgive me if I got arrested for murdering that piece of sh*t." Buck said to her.

"Why do I get the feeling you did more than run him off." Hen said to him.

"Because he did." Athena said to her. "I know that look." Athena said to her. "Its the same look you had when you were holding Christopher. Protector Buck." Athena said to him.

"I protect my family Athena and if you are stupid enough to hurt them then trust me you had better hope I don't find you." Buck said to her.

"So you might be arrested." Maddie said to him.

"No he isn't that stupid, I have stuff on him that he definitely doesn't want to be made public." Buck said to them.

"Blackmail?" Athena asked.

"Its only blackmail if he gives me a reason to use it." Buck said to her.

"Ruthless." Hen said to him. "Should we be worried?" She teased.

"Only if you have tried to sleep with me and my brother." Buck said to her she frowned.

"Talking about Alex again?" TK asked.

"Only because they asked about him." Buck said to his brother. "I love that I am the bad guy in this for some people."

Chapter 14: Lest We Forget The People We Leave Behind

Chapter Text

Buck's pov

I've felt this pain before, I've seen this grief. Anyone who says its not personal is lying, grief is always personal and rarely with out anger. Someone said to me that long ago its not the time we spend on this earth that defines us, so much as what we choose to do with it. Anyone who knew Carla would tell you that she was proud of what she did and was happy to help the people she did. Anyone who knows a firefighter or a paramedic, a doctor or even a police officer will tell you the same thing. We do what we do so that others won't endure this pain, we endure so others don't have to. The thing is Carla was none of those things, she didn't choose to put her life on the line in the name of duty, she was just an extraordinary person doing an incredibly normal job. So I guess it would be plainly obvious that I would have a hard time dealing this pain. I pretend when I am around people that I am okay, I know Eddie knows I am faking it but I know he won't call me on it when I am around others. God I love that man.

Today is going to be hard, today is the day we lay to rest Carla. I'm at home I stayed at Eddie's last night. It seemed that none of us had had a good nights sleep. I was getting breakfast ready when Eddie came in. "How long have you been up?" Eddie asked.

"A couple of hours." I said to him with a shrug. "I got up to Christopher." I said to him Eddie frowned at me and I smiled. It wasn't a hard ship to do that for Eddie and Christopher had taken to my arms as well as he did to Eddie when he needed comfort. "I've not been sleeping to well." I said to him.

"Bad memories of 9/11?" Eddie asked me I nod. "Go figure." Eddie added I laughed at this. "Your brother stayed in town!" Eddie said to me I nod.

"I asked, Carlos had to get back but TK was happy to stay behind." I said to him. "He is staying at mine and I think Athena is picking him up." I said to him.

"You could have stayed or he could have stayed here." Eddie said to me.

"I know." I said to him. "He didn't want to be in the way and he was happy to take my bed." I said to him.

"Are you happy he took your bed?" Eddie asked.

"I am happier knowing he didn't share it with Carlos and I won't need to replace my bed." I said to him making him laugh.

A few minutes later Christopher came into the kitchen following his nose to the pancakes I was making just for him, I knew he liked them and I was happy to make them. Eddie got a big hug from him before I got one, I could seen he'd been crying. If it was hard for us that was nothing to what I knew he was going through. "I have something for you." I said to him as I headed to my jacket hanging up on the pegs by the front door I retrieved what I was looking for I went back to them. Christopher and Eddie were watching me curiously. "You know i lost a lot of people I loved on 9/11 right?" I asked him Christopher nodded. "A lot of them were like uncles and aunt's to me. I didn't have a very good relationship with my birth parents, so Owen and Gwyn my adopted parents made up for it by surrounding me with people who just loved me for me." I explained I opened my hand a small silver chain with a pendant of sorts hanging from it lay in my hand.

"What is it?" Christopher asked me.

"Well your dad has a Saint Christopher's medal that he is always wearing and you know what he is the saint of right?" I asked Christopher nodded. "Well this is the patron saint of firefighters, my friend Steve he gave it to me for a birthday." I said to him.

"Why?" He asked.

"I think he thought that I would find some form of comfort from it when I would think that dad was in danger. That someone was watching over him." I explained Eddie nodded. "My friend Steve died in the towers, he was with dad and dad walked away with little more than scratches. I preyed on this thing so hard that day, preyed that the people I knew would come home safe." I told him.

"Did they?" Christopher asked.

"A lot of them didn't, a lot of them died that day and more have died since." I said to him. "But I like to think that someone was watching out for my dad that day." I informed him.

"Does it always hurt this much?" Christopher asked I blinked shocked and surprised by the question I stepped forward and knelt down to his level.

"Yes it does." I said to him honestly. "This is a pain that is not going to go away, it will become easier to deal with it with time." I informed him.

"It doesn't with mom." Christopher said to me I sighed.

"No I don't think it would." I said to him. "Saint Florian is the patron saint of firefighters. So you know it has brought me a lot of peace, as a child and as an adult." I said to him as I placed it around his neck. "You ever get worried about me or your dad or any of us you hold onto that and know we will always do everything we can to come home to you." I said to him Christopher took hold of it and looked at me with a wet smile.

"What if you don't?" Christopher asked.

"Then there are people that will make sure that you are well looked after. You know Athena and Bobby would never let anything happen to you." I said to him Christopher nodded. "Our jobs are dangerous buddy but we do it so others can sleep well knowing that someone will always be there to answer the call." I told him Christopher looked quite proudly at this. "You're family now, you are my family." I said to him.

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"You know that was something else you did." Eddie said to me as we got ready in our bedroom.

"You know I meant it right?" I asked.

"I do." Eddie said to me smiling brightly "Are you sure that you don't want that?" Eddie asked I shook my head.

"For the record I haven't worn it for a while, I found it yesterday as I was looking for some suit socks." I said to him he laughed. "I figured that he could use it more than I do." I said to him.

"Oh you know that he will never take it off." Eddie said to me. I pulled my suit out of its protective jacket. "Is that something that is way to expensive?" He asked.

"Its bespoke if that's what you mean." I said to him.

"We ever going to talk about money?" Eddie asked.

"Eventually." I said to him.

"You may be dating me but please do not over spend on me or Christopher." Eddie said to me I snorted. "Buck." Eddie growled.

"I can make that promise to you about Christopher but I am not, not going to spoil you." I said to him Eddie sighed. "You are my partner Eddie, you are the love of my life and I am going to treat you like that." I said to him with a smile. "I am going to love you to within an inch of your life and I get to be that guy who gets to spoil you. I don't mean spending stupid money on you, I mean spoil you. Treat you and love you the way you deserve to be loved and treated." I informed him.

"I don't deserve you." Eddie said to me I burst out laughing.

"No one deserves me." I said to him Eddie eyed me before he burst out laughing. "See you love me." I said to him.

"Buck." I heard my name being called I sighed as I pulled on my final shoe on I tied it before heading for the door to their bedroom and across the hall to Christopher's bedroom. Christopher it seemed was struggling with his shirt buttons. "Help?" He said to me I nodded as I walked to the bed. "Buddy stand up and stand in front of me." I said to him he did so. I waited until he was steady before going to work on his buttons. "You know its okay to cry today buddy." I said to him.

"You and daddy won't." Christopher said to me.

"That's not a bet you want to make, your dad is a big softy." I said to him Christopher giggled. "Just because we may not cry doesn't mean we aren't sad." I said to him. "All good buddy." I said to him.

"Are you going to marry daddy?" Christopher asked.

"You think I should, he snores!" I said their was an indignant humph from the door I looked up and found Eddie glaring at me playfully. "Would you be okay if that was something we both wanted?" I asked Christopher who looked at me curiously before nodding.

"Evan you better not be using Chris to propose." Eddie said to me I laughed.

"I was hoping to ask you without using your son sometime in the future." I said to him Eddie smiled brightly. "So no I am not proposing to you today." I said to him.

"Just so long as you want to I will let you off." Eddie said to me.

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TK turned up at the house in my not so normal car. "I did not know your brother drove that kind of car." Athena said to me.

"He doesn't, that's my more sensible car." I said to him.

"That's sensible?" Bobby asked.

"Has a great safety rating." I said to him.

"I bet it does, are you thinking about driving Christopher and I in that to the funeral?" He asked.

"Yes." TK said to him.

"Tyler please don't help." I said to him.

"I guess it could be worse." Eddie said to me I smiled. "Okay fine but is it good for Christopher?" He asked.

"It has great space for Christopher." I said to him.

Chapter 15: Ladders come in all shapes and sizes, no really they do!

Chapter Text

It was another five weeks before Buck was cleared to work on the active roster of firefighters. He'd been bouncing of the walls of his new office at the firehouse as he worked through all of the paperwork he needed to fill in and all the paperwork that landed on his desk as a result of his new rank. Hen and Chim found it hilarious while Eddie found it harder to find time with the now busy Lt.

"Welcome back Buck." Athena called to him on his first full day back on rescue. His official position was new to the station. "That bugle looks good on you." She exclaimed as he hugged her.

"I out rank Chim now, but then so do the station mice." Buck said to her making the older woman laugh. "It's just hard." Buck said to her finally.

"You knew Benny!" Athena said to him he nodded.

"We were friends outside of work, taking over his office it feels like a betrayal." Buck explained. "I keep half expecting him to walk through the damn doors and crack his dad jokes." He added laughing.

"How is your brother taking it?" Hen asked.

"Oh he thinks it's hilarious." Buck said as he took the offered coffee and sipped. "I am so glad I can have a plain black coffee without my dad passing judgement or trying to name the appliances in the kitchen." He said to much laughter.

"Your father is weird." Athena said to him.

"What is that rock on your desk?" Chim asked.

"It's from the south tower." Buck said to him. "Dad sent it down as a reminder of the things we lost day. Of the choices we make every day that put us at risk. Mostly however it's a reminder of the friends I've lost." Buck said to them. "I think he had a weird sense of humor personally." Buck added.

"Any news on when you two are moving in with each other officially. You ride in together everyday?" Athena asked them Buck cursed his light skin as he blushed furiously at the question causing Eddie and the others to laugh.

"You noticed that!" Buck exclaimed.

"We noticed Eddie's truck not your cars." Hen said to him.

"I am trying to get him down to one car. Instead of looking for a place with four spots for cars." Eddie said to them. "We were going over our budgets and well I got a dose of reality." Eddie said Buck leaned over kissing him on the lips in a rare sign of public affection between the two men. It was a testimony to how safe they felt around the fire house table that they did this. Bobby and Athena shook their heads at the younger couple amused and touched by the level trust being shown.

"So how goes the search for another Carla?" Ravi asked.

"Tia Pepa is helping out at the moment so we can find the right fit for Christopher and Eddie." Buck said mischievously. "We know that Eds can't cook." Buck said nonchalantly.

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"Squad 9 persons reported, its a structure fire get in there and get out." Bobby called to them. "Ravi you are with me, Taylor, Jace you are together. In and out, no stupid heroics, the paperwork is a killer." Buck said as he pulled on his tank checking that it was set and strapped into place he looked at Ravi giving a thumbs up the younger man nodded before the two donned their helmets and raced into the fire.

"Is it lost on anyone that he just said no stupid heroics with a straight face?" Chim asked as he and Hen who were the paramedics roared with laughter.

"He is even thinking like a Lt." Hen said. "Makes me feel all warm and fuzzy that the smartest kid we have is doing so well." Hen said too him.

"I can bloody well hear you." Bucks voice was heard on the radio. "When we get back you can was the trucks." Buck growled Chim groaned his comm channel open so he could listen to the firefighters in side the building. "Bobby what did you say this place stored?" Buck asked.

"Hand wash." Bobby said to him.

"We need extra hands Bobby, this fire is spreading. You need to up the alarm on this thing." Buck said to him. "Hotter than hell in here." Buck muttered.

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"Captain Nash who is in there?" Battalion chief Donaldson asked as she approached.

"Squad 9 is leading the rescue to get survivors out. They are reporting rapidly spreading fires that are also inside the walls. We have four teams working internally on controlling the fires spead and two teams standing by to let a rip from the outside." Bobby explained to the woman. "Lt Buckley was first on scene and has been coordinating efforts from the inside. He and Ravi are working their way back out with two more survivors." Bobby explained.

They watched and listened as minutes passed and the teams communicated amongst themselves. "Buckley coming out, paramedics on standby." Bucks voice came over the radio. He helped Ravi out who was limping slightly while the two workers weren't far behind them. Buck pulled his mask off as he pulled clear drawing deep lungfuls of crisp LA air into his lungs. "He went over some metal work on the floor, probably just a twist but let Hen and Chim check you out." Buck said slapping the younger man on the back as the paramedics took over and Buck made his way over to the commanders.

"How is it looking in there?" Donaldson asked.

"The fire is out of control at this point, we need to start talking about pulling them out and dowsing the fire from the outside." Buck said to her. "The smoke is getting worse in there, visibility is down to maybe three feet in front of you, it's why Ravi is hurt." Buck explained.

"Survivors?" Bobby asked.

"I see three bodies no pulses on the way out, I think we are running out of time and they've likely run out of oxygen in there." Buck said to him.

"Lt. Buckley, part of the ceiling at the delta side of the building has collapsed. We need more water in here." He could here Jace speaking to him.

"Chief?" Buck asked.

"It's your scene!" Bobby said to him.

"Yes sir." Buck said to him.

"Buckley to all squads pull out, we are going to light it up from outside. If you don't have any victims you can get to get out." Buck said into the radio.

"Lt we might..." He heard on the comm.

"We are at risk of the building collapsing, get out of there." Buck ordered.

"Yes sir." Came a crisp reply.

"We are going to boil any survivors alive in there." Chim said to him.

"That whole thing could come down on our heads firefighter." Donaldson replied curtly. "I'd make the same call." She added Bobby nodded. It was never easy to make this kind of call, not for a first time incident commander, not for someone new to the job they now held. It wasn't easy for someone on the job thirty years to make that call, Bobby noticed the flinch from Buck and he understood. This was not in their nature to retreat from the fire. It just wasn't something that belonged in their psyche. As reports of all clears came in Buck looked at the person checking off teams who were coming out and waited for a nod which he got after the third check.

"Light it up." Bucks command went across the air waves he crosses himself closing his eyes he said a pray before opening his eyes and looking back at the building.

‐-----------

"Of the 37 people reported to have been in the warehouse at the time of the fire your teams rescue 29, three of them walked out under their own power. 32 out of 37 people, it may not feel like a win but that was a result given the savagery of the fire." Donaldson said to him as he and Bobby sat in Bucks office.

"Panikar suffered a minor injury and that was the only injury we suffered as a department. I believe your calls were the right calls made at the right times and my report to the chief will reflect that." Donaldson explained. "Coupled with the reports of most of the other officers on site I imagine a commendation will likely be forth coming." She added.

"Doesn't feel much like a win." Buck said to her she smiled.

"The hard ones never do." Bobby said to him. "I am extremely proud of you Evan, you did a remarkable job under difficult circ*mstances and when you were asked to step up you did so with little hesitation." Bobby informed him smiling proudly at his friend.

---------

"Chimney get in here." Buck yelled. Chim and Hen exchanged looks before the Asian man stepped into the office and shut the door behind him. "I'm guessing you know why you are in here." Buck exclaimed.

"Yes Buck." Chim said.

"It's Lt. I'm not your friend in here when that door is closed. I don't give a flying f*ck whether or not you agree with my commands Han. When I give you an order or anyone an order, you follow it. You think that Bobby would make a different choice or that he would react any differently to you mouthing off while a superior officer is present?" Buck demanded Chim frowned at the rebuke remaining silent until Bucks fist slammed down on his desk. "I asked you a question firefighter Han." Buck snarled at him Chim was shocked and from the expressions on the faces of the people watching they had been taken a back.

"No sir." Chim said finally.

"I took no pleasure in issuing the evacuation order. I take no pleasure in the knowledge that someone may still have been alive in there and in need of rescue. I made a decision to choose the lives of the firefighters under my command and not five minutes after that building was evacuated it collapsed. That is why I was promoted over you Chim, I may not be as experienced as you but I am able to make the hard calls when I have to." Buck lectured. "A list of chores for you and Hen to complete before the end of your shift. If it's done I'll ignore the official reprimand you should have placed on your record. Dismissed." Buck said pointing at the door with one hand as he handed a sheet of paper to Chim with the other.

Chim threw him a look as he looked back into the office through the window but Buck ignored him. Bobby stepped in a few minutes later with a smile.

"You think I was being unfair?" Buck asked.

"I think you made your point and that he now knows you are not just his brother in law. I may not have lost my rag in the same manner but I would have made the same choice." Bobby said to him as he picked up a picture of Buck and TK in uniforms smiling back at the camera. "You'll going to be doing just fine Evan." He informed the man.

Chapter 16: Evil Knows You Now

Chapter Text

Answering the door in his boxers was probably a mistake when the LAFD's homicide division standing on his doorstep, "Evan sorry to disturb you on your day off." One said to him.

"Yeah he struck again didn't he!" Buck stated the man nodded. "Come in while I dress." Buck said as he stepped back into his apartment and up the stairs to his bedroom while the two men waited for him in the kitchen. "Coffee is fresh if you want some." Buck called back down to them. "How bad was it?" Buck asked.

"Two victims in one night, we think he may have been disturbed during the first attack." They explained.

"Yeap sounds about right." Buck called to them. "Escalated because he was disturbed?" Buck asked.

"There wasn't anything left of the victims face." He heard called back to him. He came down the stairs a few minutes later dressed and ready to go grabbing his go cup he filled it with black coffee and heaped sugar into it. "Dom how much longer are you going to do this without calling the FBI in?" Buck asked.

"The mayor called them in this morning." Dominic said to him. "BAU is in bound." Dominic added.

Buck called the fire house getting Bobby, "I'm going to be late, their was a double last night that they want me to walk." Buck said to Bobby.

"Understood." Bobby said to him. "Get here when you can." Bobby added before they ended the call and Buck followed the police officers out to their cars. "I want to see the second scene Dom." Buck said to him. "Its where he is likely to be." Buck added as they drove to the scene. It was a media circus by the time they arrived, Buck sighed as he climbed out of the car and followed Dom beyond the rope line where Athena was waiting for him. "Wow they must really hate you if they called you into look at this as well." Buck added as he hugged her. "Have you seen it?" Buck asked.

"I got the call." Athena said to him. "You are going to need a strong stomach for this." Athena said to him as they walked up the steps of the apartment block and into the building. It took five minutes to reach the top of the building and another five to don booties and a paper suit. Buck closed his eyes saying a silent prayer before stepping into the apartment. "Their is a message for you." Athena said to him Buck smirked at this. "You think that's funny." Athena asked him.

"I think its hilarious if I have gotten to him enough that he has made it personal." Buck informed her as they walked to the room with the most noise.

"Clear the room." Dom called as he stepped into the room a lot of the forensic's people looked at him for a moment before they did as was asked of them and then Buck stepped in with Athena.

I see you Buckley, I see and hear all.

The words were written in the blood of the victim on the wall behind where the victim was Buck shook his head clearly amused by the turn of events. "Well that proves my point." Buck said as he turned to Dom. "Who has been in here today?" Buck asked him. "Get the log book out." Buck added.

"You think that someone involved in the investigation did this?" A new voice spoke up from behind them Buck turned as did the other two. "You must be Lt. Buckley of the LAFD, Emily Prentiss FBI." Emily said to him.

"Pleasure I'm sure and I said that a while ago. I also told them to call you a long time ago." Buck said as they shook hands. "Buck or Evan is just fine, this is Athena Grant and I think you know who this is." Buck said to her.

"Pleasure to meet you all." Emily said to him. "You mind stepping out?" Emily asked.

"No problem." Buck said to her and followed her out of the room.

"Every cop in this town including your friend is currently a suspect you realise this!" Emily said to him.

"I do." Buck said to him. "I also know that because I am a part of this investigation I am also a suspect." Buck said to her she nodded. "I can give you a good accounting of where I was for nine of the twelve murders so far." Buck said to her.

"Only nine?" Emily asked.

"Last night I was home alone after a 48 hour shift and the first one I was probably also asleep alone in my apartment." Buck explained. "Though I think that leaving me a message is a clear statement of intent." Buck added.

"The mayor has been quite vocal about your insistence on us being called in." Emily said to him.

"You caught my guy a long time ago." Buck informed her.

"The hike path killer." Emily said to him. "We did our research into you on the way out here." Emily said to him. "I am curious why you have turned down ever overture the FBI has made to try and recruit you." Emily said to him.

"Evil knows my face Emily, I spent way to much time in the presence of death." Buck explained she laughed. "You know it all to well yourself I can tell." Buck said to her.

"I do." Emily said to him.

"I love my job in the FD, I wanted nothing to do with this investigation. Why do you think that I kept insisting that they should call you." Buck said to her. "I lost my first boyfriend to a serial killer. I am not losing my current one to this one." Buck explained. "I have a step son who I adore and a boyfriend who I love. So what say you, we catch this son of a bitch so I can go back to doing what I am really good at." Buck said to her she laughed.

------------------------------------

"Where is Buck this morning?" Chim asked Eddie.

"He got called into work a scene." Bobby said to Eddie who sighed. "Two more last night from what Athena said when she called in to say he had been waylaid by the FBI before he could leave." Bobby said to him with a shake of his head.

"Speaking off take a look at this." Hen called to them. They could see Buck walking across to cruisers with three plain clothes people discussing something animatedly. "Somehow I think he is among intellectual equals." Hen added as she saw him and a nerdy looking guy laughing hard.

"His dad told me he was wasted in the department. Until today I didn't realise just how true that was." Bobby said to them. "He belongs out there doing what he is good at." Bobby said to them.

"No kidding." Eddie said as his phone rang.

"Hey babe how are you doing?" Buck asked as he answered the phone.

"I'm watching you on the news right now." Eddie said to him Buck chuckled and waved at the TV camera's making everyone smile. "You coming in today?" Eddie asked.

"I'm not coming back in until I know that this piece of sh*t is caught Ed's. He left a message for me today." Buck said to him. "I want you and Christopher to go stay with my family in Austin until this blows over." Buck said to him.

"Buck I have work and Christopher has school." Eddie said to him.

"Eddie I love you but I need you to do this, their was a message left for me at the latest scene. I can't lose you like I did him." Buck said to him. "Finish the shift then go to dads please." Buck said to him.

"You think he will come for us?" Eddie asked.

"I wouldn't be telling you to go to Austin if I wasn't." Buck said to him.

"Okay I'll make it work." Eddie said to him.

"Ed's I love you and we will get through this." Buck said before ending the call.

"What was that about?" Hen asked.

"Buck wants me and Christopher out of town." Eddie said to them. "He thinks that we may be a target." Eddie added.

"Really?" Bobby asked.

"I think he may be right." Eddie said to him. "You know about his first boyfriend, I think he is scared about losing us in the same way." Eddie informed him.

"I'll call the chief, where does he want you going?" Bobby asked.

"Austin to his dad and TK's." Eddie explained.

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"Evan you made the national news this morning." Owen said to him.

"Yeah sorry about that, I had no idea that was going to happen. Listen Eddie and Christopher are going to stay with you until this blows over." Buck said to him.

"You mean until this guy is caught." Owen said to him.

"He made contact and left a message for me. I won't take the chance that I just painted a target on their backs. I need them out of LA." Buck explained.

"I have the room it will be fine." Owen said to him. "Are you okay?" Owen asked.

"I'm fine just worried about those that I love." Buck said to him.

-------------------------------------------

"Hey you speak to Evan?" TK asked him.

"Not that long ago actually." Owen said to him. "Eddie and Christopher are coming down here today." Owen said to him.

"They think the two of them might be a target?" TK asked Owen nodded.

"Evan wants them out of town until this guy is caught and I can't say that I blame him." Owen said to him.

Chapter 17: When The Cards Are Down

Chapter Text

"Three weeks, no Eddie, Buck's on the nightly news for something other than getting blown up." Hen said to them. "Any news on that front?" Hen asked.

"Nothing any of us is going to like, the FBI want Buck." Chim said to her. "His work on this case is getting rave reviews according to Maddie and what little I have heard from Buck himself." Chim said to him.

"This is insanity." Athena said to them.

"No kidding, Buck's been turning down offers for years but seriously I am not sure how much longer he is going to be able to fight this before they come in with an offer he won't be able to refuse." Bobby informed them. "I think he knew that when he took on the job of a consultant." Bobby added quitely. He hated to admit that the man he knew and loved like a son of his own, was being courted by multiple agencies in LA and around the country. He had just promoted the kid but his wealth of knowledge as well as his ability to find danger was always going to open doors for the blond.

"Hey guys did you miss me?" Buck asked as he came up the stairs. A man with a satchel just behind him and two women just behind him. "Some of the guys wanted to hit the hotel and get some chow and sleep. These three wanted to see what this city had to offer, so I had to bring them to the best place for food in the city. JJ, Reed and Emily this is the 118 my home for the last five years." Buck explained as they walked across the loft to them. "You guys are predictable about when you eat." Buck said to them making the others laugh.

"So this is your version of Buck?" Bobby asked looking at Reed.

"Yeah his smarter just." Buck said to him with a blush Reed looked like he was going to say something but a hand went across his mouth to stop him. "You don't need to correct me book boy." Buck said causing the ladies to laugh.

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"You like them." Athena said to Buck who was nursing a beer that Morgan had brought with him.

"Hard not to." Buck said to her finally as he sipped his drink. "Its hard you know." Buck said to her.

"Telling us you are going to leave?" Athena asked.

"Telling them I'm not, I like them Athena. They do amazing work but chasing killers that takes a part of you." Buck explained. "I got my killer a long time ago." Buck said to her. "I just need to find him." Buck said to her. "I'm going to go see his killer, try again." Buck said to her. "Or I am forever going to be stuck in the moment that my first love died and I never got to tell him that." Buck said to her she closed her eyes. "I need closure and I sure as hell know that I am not going to get what I want but I need to try." Buck said to her.

"Evan what happened to you... its not something anyone should have to go through but walking into that interrogation room with his killer its not going to help. You know you are giving him what he actually wants." Athena said to her friend he closed his eyes. "But you need to try anyway." She added and he nodded. "I'll come with you." Athena said to him.

-------------------------------

"Do you know what that is about?" Bobby asked JJ.

"He wants to meet with the killer again, he feels like he can get something from him that he hasn't on the anniversary of his death every year since." JJ said to him with a shake of his head. "Its going to destroy him if he keeps going after the answers that man has." JJ added.

"Why would he do that?" Hen asked.

"Because not knowing where he is, is killing him." Athena said to them as she approached. "He went to get some air." She added.

"Going to see that man is a mistake Athena." Bobby said to him.

"Like he doesn't know that." Morgan said to him. "Its a puzzle he doesn't know how to put down." Morgan said to them. "That is something that we can all relate to." Reed said to them.

------------------------------

"You sure you want to do this kid?" Morgan asked.

"Yeap." Buck said to him in way of answer. "I'm glad they had you check your weapon at the entrance." Buck said to him.

"Every year you come and do this and every year he answers the same way." Morgan said to him. "Why do you think this year is going to be any different?" Morgan asked him.

"Because every year he makes one demand of me that I have always turned down." Buck explained.

"And what is that?" Morgan asked.

"He wanted me to come and do this as a professional." Buck explained.

"No kidding." Morgan said to him.

"No kidding, said I was lost as a firefighter." Buck informed him.

"You are kid." Moragn said to him. "But doing this for answers is not the way to go." Morgan explained with a shake of his head.

"Like I don't know that." Buck said as he nodded at the guard.

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"Evan Buckley-Strand we do this tango every year do you get bored?" Thomas Rosicky asked as the two of them stepped into the interview room.

"Not really, you know what I want Tommy you know what I'll chase you into the death chamber for. So are you ready to talk or are you just frustrated with not being able to get off on new victims?" Buck asked with a smirk he saw the clenching of the mans fists and smirked. "This here is Derek Morgan he is a member of the BAU, he says you won't crack. You won't give me what you know I want. I say that with the right motivation you will. You are way to much of an idiot." Buck said to him.

"You know nothing booooy." Thomas drawled at him.

"Can't hide that southern back bone in you can you. No matter how much you hate where you are from, you are still that southern bell." Buck said to him. "I know why you killed the men you killed." Buck said to him. "Always have." He added.

"Enlighten meboy!" The man sneered at him.

"You are so desperate for someone to notice you that you will do literally anything. You killed the men you did the way you did because you knew that they'd laugh at you if they actually saw you coming." Buck said to him Morgan raised an eye brow. "That sexual inadequacy you suffer from, its not in your head. You may very well be a grower but..." Buck burst out laughing at this. "They still call you wee willy Tommy right. I'm guessing someone made you their bitch." Buck said to him. "You want to talk Tommy, you need to talk. You see unlike the idiots who put you in here, I know you killed more than you were convicted for. They didn't get all of your victims which means you haven't had a chance to brag about them yet. Which means you have a way to put a holt to the execution date you are facing." Buck said to him the man smirked at him.

"Not as dumb as you look." Thomas said to him.

"If I was, then I'd still be ten times the man you are Tommy." Buck said to him. "So I can come back in a year and maybe you get that stay some other way or you can give me what I want." Buck said to him.

"I want concessions." Thomas said to him.

"No." Buck said to him. "You get what you want by getting to brag about all the people you killed with out the big bad FBI working out like you knew they wouldn't." Buck informed him.

"Playing to my ego." Thomas growled.

"Well I certainly can't play to your man hood." Buck said to him. He felt a hand on his shoulder and looked at Morgan who was smiling. "Talk then maybe we can do something for you." Buck said to him.

"On the condition that you are there the day I die." Thomas said to him.

"Done." Buck said to him. Not that he hadn't planned to be there anyway. "You ready?" Buck asked.

----------------------------------------

"Where are you headed?" Athena asked.

"Colorado, I think we may finally have an answer." Buck said to her as an answer to her question. "I'll let you know when and if I find anything." Buck said to her finally.

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"What do you mean he got the answers he is looking for?" Owen asked.

"I mean he went to see that prick and he is heading to Colorado." Maddie said to him. "Either way you should be prepared for a mess when he gets back." She added.

Chapter 18: Evil Has A Name and It Has a Cost

Chapter Text

“Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that." - Martin Luther King Jr.

The following day Evan Buckley and Derek Morgan stepped back into the interrogation room where the serial killer they had come to meet was already shackled, "Good morning Thomas." Buck said as he put the note pad down in front of himself and a pen beside it. "You've had a chance to think things through and speak to your lawyers, which I assume have told you how bad an idea this is for you." Buck stated the man looked smaller than Buck remembered but he glowered at Buck none the less. "You know Special Agent Morgan who has spent most of the last twenty four hours trying to talk me out of this meeting. Much to his chargrin he hasn't been able to talk me out of this any more than your lawyers have." Buck said and he could see that the man understood that this was last chance saloon for them both.

"I will give you what you want so long as you are there the day they carry out my sentence." Thomas said to him.

"I already planned to be there Thomas, so I take it that you are ready to talk to us?" Buck said to him Thomas nodded. Derek looked incredulously at this but sat and watched as Buck opened the note pad clicking the pen he put it to the paper noting the interviewers and the interviewee before looking at Thomas waiting. "Anytime you want to start." Buck said to him.

"You're enjoying this." Thomas said to him.

"I find it entertaining that you are exactly where you deserve to be and that you have two men you aspire to be sat across from you waiting for you to admit to crimes you committed that we don't know about so why don't you take us back to the beginning?" Buck asked him Thomas glared at him and he raised an eyebrow at this. "Like Gacy before you, we both know you want to get this off your chest so people can know the true level of depravity that you sunk to on your journey through the levels of hell." Buck bit out.

"You know Dante." Thomas said to him.

"I read inferno several times growing up." Buck said to him.

"You want to bring peace to the victims families including yourself." Thomas said to him.

"Are you done procrastinating?" He asked.

------------------------------

"I was sixteen the first time I took a life, a dog of course not human that came later." Thomas began. "I started like most do, I am sure you know that already however. I tried to put off or kill the need to take a Human life. I was successful until my mothers death at the hands of my father. My birth father not the step father that I lived with. He was quite nice, in fact I think that he was by far the most influential man in my life. I think you have him to thank for my numbers not being much higher than they actually were. Pop as I called him taught me to control my anger, taught me to take it out on a punching bag rather than another human being. Though he did teach me knife skills, for skinning the animals that we caught and of course butchering them. Something that would come in handy in my later career. Subduing, I hate Human blood I would never lower myself to slitting a throat no matter how vocal they were." Thomas explained.

"Why don't you tell us about your first victim, I am assuming that its not one of the ones we know about." Morgan said to him.

"I was eighteen, I took his life the day I turned eighteen. I found out his name later, at the time he was just that black bitch who deserved to die for daring to look at me like I was a piece of meat. I knocked him out using my fists, I broke a couple of knuckles doing that then I did what Gacy suggested he did. I used a rope trick." Thomas said to him.

"What was his name?" Buck asked.

"Isaac Mackelson." Thomas replied. "He was a hot piece of meat for a black man, I found him to be most delicious before his death." Thomas said to him.

"You did to him what you did to your later victims?" Buck asked.

"Yes, well some of it. I perfected my hunting skills later on." Thomas explained to him.

-------------------------------

They took several breaks over the next seven hours discussing in detail the murders of nearly twenty men, Buck and Derek left that day with the promise of more to come the following day. The two of them sat in the bar of their hotel that night on their third whiskey's and both in no mood to go to bed. They had Garcia chasing leads and chasing down whether or not any or all of these were even possible. "What do you think?" Buck asked.

"You tell me Buck." Morgan said to him.

"I think that we have close to the true number of his murders." Buck said to him.

"So do I, you know that he is holding of on the one you want. Saving the best for last in his opinion." Morgan said to him.

"I know." Buck said to him. "Boys are you still there?" Garcia asked.

"Go Garcia." Buck said to her. "I hope to high hell that you are as attractive as you sound." Buck said the woman roared with laughter Morgan shook his head but wore a smile on his lips.

"Why thank you sweetie and I assure you that I am." Garcia said to him. "I have a location in Colorado based on the earliest disappearance." Garcia said to him.

"Go." Buck said to her.

"Dalton Bell." Garcia said to them as Buck made a note. "In fact at least three of the victims he has named today disappeared within five miles of that small town." Garcia said to him.

"Garcia I want you to come up with a topography of the local area. Lets see whether or not we can rattle him tomorrow when we get back in there." Buck said to her.

"You think he might have a killing field there?" Derek asked.

"It would be close to a place of meaning for him." Buck said to him. "I think that we are going to find a killing field within ten miles of his first three murders. The question is what are we missing." Buck said to him.

----------------------------

Thomas Rosicky was shackled when they came in the next day with a laptop and several maps. Buck placed the maps on the walls that didn't have windows in and then sat at the table with the laptop directly in front of him. "Morning Thomas, I hope you slept well." Buck said to him.

"You've been digging." Thomas said to him.

"Dalton Bell, I find it interesting that your first chronological victims were all taken within five miles of that town." Buck said to him Thomas frowned. "What is so special about Dalton Bell, Thomas?" He asked the man who's dark angry eyes met his and Buck was very happy internally to see that he had the man on the ropes so to speak. "Do you know what a geographical profile is Thomas?" Buck asked the man glared at him. "Serial offenders such as yourself are creatures of habit, those three murders say more about the beginning of your spree far more than you ever could. Its why you hid them from the world. You knew that they would point straight at you." He explained.

"You really are far to clever for your own good Evan." Thomas supplied Buck raised an eyebrow at this. "I could leave you high and dry you know." Thomas said to him.

"You could but we both know that last night was the first time in years that you have had anything close to sexual gratification in years." Buck said to him. "It makes you hot to talk about the people that you have murdered, so why would you stop." Buck said to him.

"Lets talk about your little bitch then." Thomas said to him.

"If you must." Buck said Morgan shot him a warning look.

"I saw you both in high school graduation photos you know, I was hoping that I'd get you both but I had to settle for second best and boy did it make it special to take something that you treasured from you and keep him hidden from you for so long." Thomas said to him. "I watched your career with great interest Evan, I watched you search for answers. I could have taken you to when you were in Peru. I visited you not long before I was arrested." Thomas said to him. "Of course you wouldn't know anything about that, and that was the way that I liked it." Thomas said to him.

"Less about me and lets talk about Max." Buck said to him.

"Fine." Thomas said to him. "I had him for a week." Thomas said to him. "I spent more time with him than I did any of my other victims." Thomas said to him. "He screamed for me to end it, begged for you to save him." Thomas explained Buck's hand slammed down onto the table in front of the man making him flinch Morgan looked at him in surprise. "Now that the shoe is on the other foot you don't like it." Thomas said to him.

"I'm not here for your gratification Thomas, so stop with the embelishments to make me angry in the hope that I will kill you." Buck said to him.

---------------------------

"I will need to look at those maps." Thomas said finally after several hours of back and forth between Morgan, Buck and Thomas Rosicky. "I know what you want Evan, if you want it I will have to look at those maps." He added Buck stood up retrieving both maps he placed them down on the table one above the other. "You tell me when you want to see the other one and we'll swap them other." Buck said as he handed him a pencil. "X marks the spot." Buck said to him.

Buck and Morgan watched as the man poured over the maps. It was nearly four hours before the man marked numerous spots in an opening in a forest where a hike path went through it.

"That it?" Buck asked.

"Yes." Thomas said finally. "You will find him in a shallow grave close to the centre." Thomas said to him.

"Thank you." Buck said as he stood up he signalled to the guards. "If you're lying we will be back here." Buck said to him.

"I'm dying Buckley, I have cancer. They tell me I have weeks, that is the only reason I agreed to meet with you and give you the answers you seek." Thomas said to him. "I figure any chance I have of evening up my good deeds against my bad ones. This is the last meeting you and I will have, I have no more secrets to give." Thomas said to him. "You really are lost on the department you work for, you should be doing what you are doing here now." Thomas said to him.

"Rot in hell Thomas, I will be sure to piss on your grave." Buck said as he walked out of the interrogation room.

They were met by the warden who was looking pensively at them, "Please tell me that you have what you need from him." The woman said to him.

"I think we may have." Morgan said to her. "Only one place left for us to go." Morgan said to Buck who nodded.

"I need a drink and a shower, I feel dirty after all of that." Buck said shivering. Morgan wrapped an arm around the mans shoulders as they walked he realised that the man was shaking and more to the point that the man was crying.

"I hope that the answers you got were worth the cost you have paid Evan." Morgan said to him.

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Dalton Bell

Colorado

The opening that they all stood in was larger than Buck thought that it probably would be, that being said where they stood was pretty well hidden from the view of the path. "Who knew." Buck muttered to himself as he, Morgan and Garcia stood watching the sniffer dogs doing their job. The police were putting in flags where the dogs alerted. "Thank you Garcia, you didn't have to come out here." Buck said to the woman.

"It was the least I could do, these people deserve for someone who is not marred by the evil you've seen to bare witness to their bodies being found." Garcia said Buck took the hand of the blond lady in question and squeezed it lightly she smiled back at him. "Time to see whether or not there are remains." Someone called. Not five minutes later they heard. "I found a thigh bone." Followed not long after by the exclamation that it was Human. Buck closed his eyes and Morgan was sure he heard the words thank you escape the blond mans lips.

"I don't have to tell you kid that he might not be out here." Morgan said to him.

"Derek." Garcia said to the man.

"I wouldn't put it past the piece of sh*t." Buck said to him.

------------------------------------------

"Honey I just got a call from Garcia." Athena called as she came into their bedroom. Bobby who was just climbing out of the shower looked worriedly at his wife.

"They find something?" Bobby asked.

"A killing field, at least ten bodies." Athena said to him.

"Max?" Bobby asked.

"No news." Athena said to him.

Chapter 19: Carry on my wayward son, they'll be peace when you are done!!!

Chapter Text

Bobby watched pensively as Buck made his way into the fire house. He'd just got back from Colorado and though he didn't say anything about it, he could only imagine that the man was feeling the strain. He'd called to say he would be dropping by to say hello to the gang, Morgan had called to say that Buck was heading back by plane alone. Morgan had agreed to stay behind to help the locals with body recovery. He'd understood that for Buck that was asking too much, it was far too personal for Buck. If they had found Max, they had yet to identify him and it was now twenty six bodies found. Leaving more questions for the killer.

"Hey kiddo, how you doing." Athena said as he walked into her open arms and hugged her. She felt the tension leave his body as she held him. "No news is no bad news." She said to him Buck pulled back giving her a scathing look that shocked her. He wasn't in the mood to be handled by his friends and he knew that they were preparing him for a disappointment that all but him was expecting to happen. He'd not spoken to Max's family, he couldn't bring himself to get there hopes up with regards to the possibility to have a body to put in the open grave that marked Max's spot.

"Sometimes I forget how intelligent he is." Bobby said as the man went to freshen up in the bathroom. "I've seen that look a few times and none of them have ended well." Bobby informed her.

"It was a mistake, I am just not sure how I can help him." Athena said to him.

"No one can help him, short of the coronor calling to confirm the identity of one of those bodies as being Max's. Evan wants closure." Maddie said to her sighing deeply. "He needs closure." Maddie added. "I called Luke and asked him to call Buck, he said no. He said that he liked his head still attached to his body and that if Evan wanted to talk to him he would call him." Maddie added the group shared looks. If the one person who knew him better than his own family wasn't going to pick up the phone in an attempt to avoid having his best friend running for the hills when their was a serial killer possibly looking to target him, then maybe he had a point.

Buck came out of the toilet a few minutes later having washed his face, he leaned down pressing a kiss to Athena's cheek whispering an apology to the woman, he took his seat at the table.

"Have you spoken to TK and Owen?" Maddie asked.

"I spoke to them before I left Colorado." Buck said. "Then I spoke to Eddie and Christopher for a couple of hours." Buck said to them. "I'm flying out to Austin in the morning." Buck said to them.

"Do you know when you will be coming back?" Athena asked Buck shook his head.

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"Bobby the door is on the latch." Athena said the next day before pushing the door open she drew her weapon. The apartment was clean and tidy and after checking the house they found a letter on the table addressed to Athena. "Now I am truly worried." Athena said as she opened the letter and slipped it out of the envelope.

Athena,

I'm sorry I'm doing it this way, I've spoken to the BAU and the chief. I can't for the moment fathom the idea of coming back to LA. It just hurts to much, I'm joining Eddie and Christopher in Austin, for our sakes and the safety of our family I ask that you don't come out here. When I come back, if I come back I will explain all. At least for now however it hurts to much.

Take care of our family and I'd appreciate you not telling Maddie or Chim where I'm at.

Yours always

Evan Strand

"What does that mean?" Bobby asked her as he read the short note from his fellow firefighter and friend.

"It means he isn't sure he is coming back." Athena said to her husband closing her eyes. "I knew something was up at the fire house last night, he was to quiet. Basking in the feeling of being surrounded by his family." Athena explained.

"We could follow him down there talk some sense into him." Bobby said to her.

"And we both know he'd kill the pair of us for putting them at risk. Eddie can't come back here for fear of being targetted by this killer and it was killing Buck to stay away from them. We have to have faith that they will come back to us." Athena informed him.

"I hate this." Bobby admitted.

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"You don't seem surprised to see Evan." Judd said to his friend Owen looked up from his paperwork.

"He does this every year, he goes to see that bastard Judd and every year he comes back like this or worse." Owen explained. "Only this time he seems to have given him one thing that he has been after for a long time and now he doesn't know whether he should grief or be angry or both of those things all at once." Owen said to his friend Judd nodded. He'd seen the man taking his anger out on the punch bag this morning in the stations gym. "I've already had calls from most of the 118 and Chief Alonso, we have him on the same deal that we have Eddie. I'm just not sure that he is going to want to go back there. I am not sure either of them want to go back there right now." Owen said to him.

"Well that's not necessarily a bad thing." Judd said to him. "Eddie has slipped straight into the team seamlessly and Buck is an experienced firefighter and Lt." Judd said to him. "Buck needed to be around his family and I am not talking about his fire family. You his mom and his brother are here." Judd said to him.

"He has been running from this for so long, I am not sure what is scarier that they find Max out there or that they don't." Owen explained with a shake of his head. There was laughter from the kitchen drawing the two off them out to the kitchen where Buck and Christopher were cooking for the fire house. Grace and Carlos were joining them and watchng the father and son combination make a mess of the kitchen while giggling like the children they seemed to be feeling like being.

"That is meant to go into the pot." Judd said to Buck with a smile.

"Really but where is the fun in that?" Buck asked him as Mateo got a bit of flour flicked onto his uniform the younger man glared Buck smirked at his friend.

"Did you have to do that?" Mateo asked with a playful glare Christopher roared with laughter yelling yes making everyone else laugh. "I'm doomed." Mateo said to them making Buck laugh.

"How do you think Eddie feels?" Buck asked Eddie smiled at this.

"You here for a few days?" Marjan asked Buck shook his head. "We stole another one?" Marjan asked Owen.

"I have no idea." Owen said to her.

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Three weeks later

Buck's phone buzzed he looked at it as they all hung out at Judd's having a BBQ, his face paled as he stepped away to answer it Owen and Gwyn shared a look and went to follow him but Buck waved them off at this and answered his phone.

"Garcia I'm here!" Buck said as he answered the phone.

"Blondie I have news." Garcia said to him.

"You have an id?" Buck asked her unable to keep the hunger from his voice as he asked this.

"Yes." Garcia said to him Buck's knees were feeling weak at this news Eddie was heading his way eyes filled with concern. "They confirmed it with DNA this morning." Garcia explained finally. "Honey are you there?" She asked after several minutes before she heard a sob from the end of the phone that broke her heart. She liked Buck, she loved him in a way that was famous for her. Buck's hands went limp as his phone dropped out of his hand Eddie caught it handing it to Owen as he pulled Buck into him. The gut wrenching sobs she could hear over phone did not help as she asked what was going on.

"Who is this?" Owen asked.

"Hello, this is Garcia I've been working with Evan and Morgan." Garcia said to him.

"You found Max?" Owen asked.

"He was formally identified this morning." Garcia said to her friends father. "Morgan and I will be there at the funeral home to help bring Max home to New York." Garcia said to him. "We want to do this for Evan and for Max." Garcia said to him. "I'm sending you all the details by email as I speak so you can meet the coffin off the plane." Garcia said to him.

"Thank you and I will ensure that we are all there." Owen said to her. "I don't think that he will think of it but on behalf of my family and Max's thank you." Owen said to her.

"Oh sweetie this is what I do, I make sure that the victims have a voice and their families where possible get the closure they need." Garcia said to him. "Get back to Buck and check your emails." She said before ending the call Owen smiled at this and looked over at Buck who was being held by Eddie and TK.

Judd was unsure what to do or whether there was anything that he could do to ease that pain. They'd all been shocked by Buck's reaction, though in hindsight they probably shouldn't have been. Despite knowing that his boyfriend had been dead for a decade or so, knowing something and not having a body to bury was something that had haunted Buck. He had an idea that this was like going through all that grief all over again. It was a good half hour before Buck was able to pull away from Eddie and bring his emotions back under the tight control that he usually did. Owen watched as Buck embraced his brother and the two of them shared their tears.

"TK knew Max?" Paul asked.

"Yeah he did." Owen said to him. "I should call LA and let them know that they found Max." Owen said to him helplessly.

"No you shouldn't cap, your boys need you." Marjan said sagely. "Check your emails and find out when you need to get to New York." Marjan said to him.

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Owen heard people enter his office, sitting up and opening his eyes he saw his children and their partners walking into the room.

"Feeling better?" Owen asked his son Buck smiled tightly. "Go back to the house all of you, the shift is almost over anyway. We leave for New York in the morning." Owen said to him. "All of us." Owen said to them. "I called your captain Carlos I hope you don't mind but I know that TK will need you." Owen said to him.

"I was planning to ask for some time." Carlos said to him honestly.

"Chris?" Eddie asked.

"You think he'd forgive us for not taking him to New York?" Buck asked TK chuckled at this. "Thank you." Buck said to him.

Chapter 20: Ghosts Laid To Rest

Chapter Text

Morgan and Garcia greeted them at the arrivals gate, Buck hugged them both kissing the cheek of Garcia who he'd spoken to often enough but never actually met. She smiled at him and he smiled back, "Honey he arrived a little while go, we have a private room for you." Garcia said softly Buck nodded his head mutely. Eddie knew the happy Buck he knew the angry Buck but this was new to him, this was the upset Buck that people rarely ever saw. This was a griefing Buck who had shut himself off to people around him who may have wanted to help, that loved him and that was definitely something new to him. The only person really able to get close to him at the moment was Christopher. His son wasn't stupid, far from it, he knew that something was wrong with Buck. Buck followed with his family to a room off to the side of custom's, TK and Buck shared a look before stepping into the room alone when Eddie went to go with them Owen placed a hand on his shoulder and shook his head.

"I know you want to help him, he just needs time." Owen said to his sons partner.

"Was it like this the first time around?" Eddie asked.

"No he was a lot angrier back then, we had no body. We couldn't sit shiva for him, we didn't have a body to mourn for either." Owen said to him.

"Shiva?" Eddie asked.

"Jewish funeral rites." Garcia said to him. "I didn't know Buck was Jewish!" Garcia said to him.

"He isn't, at least not any more." Owen said to him. "He once told me that he couldn't follow a religion that's god could allow for such cruelty to his followers." Owen explained. "His mother my sister converted to Christianity when she married Philip. I believe that the children were all christened, I know that Buck still has his cross." Owen added. "Gwyn took to taking him to service, Buck was sad when he came to us. The first words he pretty much spoke that night were "why don't they love me." our Rabbi back then Eli he would talk to Evan just as a friend as part of the congregation. He was the first person that Evan opened up to after he came to New York. Buck had an easier time talking to strangers than he did to me or Gwyn back then, TK or Tyler as he called him, was the only one in the family who really could talk to Buck for the first year or so without getting angry about being asked about his parents." Owen explained.

"So Jewish?" Eddie asked.

"Yes, Jewish. Multi-lingual among other things and that's what shocks you?" Owen asked.

"Agent Morgan we have the car ready for Max." A man in formal attire said as he approached. Morgan looked up and nodded before stepping forward and knocking on the door before entering Buck and TK looked up from where they stood by the coffin. "Guys the funeral home is ready for us." Morgan said to them Buck nodded saying a final prayer in hebrew he stepped back from the coffin and nodded at Morgan.

"Max's parents?" Buck asked.

"They are going to meet us at the graveyard." Morgan said to him. "You ready for this?" He asked Buck nodded as he wrapped his arm around his brother who tucked into him as the two of them followed Morgan out of the room so that the funeral people could do what they needed to do. Buck closed his eyes as he felt his brother shaking. Buck had gone to bits when he'd first been told but TK had somehow managed to keep it together he assumed TK had been trying to be strong for Buck who leaned into his brother and held him tightly. The group then allowed themselves to be lead out to cars waiting for them to be taken to the cemetary. Buck pulled away from TK for Carlos and smiled at the man before he leaned back into the arms of Eddie who guided him into the waiting car on auto pilot.

"You know I always wanted to visit New York." Eddie said to him. "Just not like this." Eddie said Buck smirked.

"Wait until you see his place, you may never want to leave New York." Owen said to him. "Evan you still have the place on the upper east side yes?" Owen asked Buck looked up and smirked. "Of course you do." Owen said to him with a grin on his face.

"Hey I happen to love that place, that it was twenty minutes walk from the old fire house was just a bonus." Buck said to him.

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Buck climbed out of the car in the cemetary on the edge of town, it was a typical and beautiful quiet place so much unlike the city that they were visiting. Buck approached a couple that looked so small to him, since the last time that they had seen each other. Which had not been long after the original funeral, the pain was to real for the three people but Buck didn't hesitate in embracing either of them or Max's younger brother who smiled sadly tears flowing.

"Thank you Evan." Joe said to him finally.

"Least I could do." Buck said to him. "This is Derek Morgan and Garcia, two people without whom we couldn't have had today." Buck said to him. "Derek, Garcia, this is Felix and Amanda. Max's parents and Joe his little brother." Buck introduced them. "You know most of the rest of us so we can wait for introductions on the ones you don't." Buck said to them the couple beamed at the two people introduced to them. "Lets do this." Buck said to them as he plucked Christopher up off the ground and into his arms Christopher giggled as he did this then tucked his head into Buck's neck who used his other hand to take Eddie's. Eddie squeezed his hand as the two walked to the open grave side. The old empty casket stood to one side while the one containing Max was brought over to the grave side.

"Closure." Buck said to him Eddie looked surprised at this and looked over at him Buck looked serenely happy. "Have peace Max." Buck said as he watched the casket being lowered in and the rabbi speaking Buck closed his eyes as he felt a hand on his shoulder placing his hand over it he squeezed. "Thanks dad." Buck said to him.

"You did good kiddo." Owen said to him.

"I need a drink." Buck muttered making the man laugh. "Like so freaking bad." Buck said to them.

"We can do something about that." Eddie said as Buck placed Christopher down on the ground again. "We'll wait for you by the cars." Eddie said to him as TK and he joined the family at the side of the grave.

"No words can express how grateful we are that you made this happen Evan." Felix said to him.

"I needed to bring him home if I could." Buck said as he hugged the man he knelt at the grave placing something on it he stood back up. "I'll see you again Max until then take care buddy... I love you." Buck said touching the gravestone again. Then he pulled himself up to his fullest height wiping at his eyes. "I should have told you that when it mattered." He said then TK watched with the family as Buck walked away from the grave his shoulders slouched.

"He needs to forgive himself." Amanda said to TK.

"Maybe now he can." TK said to her though he doubted his own words even as they left his mouth. Buck carried so much guilt over Max, none of what happened was his fault but he had carried it around with him for more than a decade. Judging from the way that his brother walked away from the grave he guessed that this hadn't changed even with his promise to a dead man now fulfilled. "Some ghosts are harder to let go off than others... says the addict." TK said ironically he chuckled to himself. "We'll leave you to it." TK said to them. "I know that we are going to have a small get together at Buck's place you are all welcome to join us." TK said to them.

"Thank you Tyler but we have our own thing to do today." Felix said to him TK made a face at the use of his own name then nodded his understanding. "Maybe Evan isn't the only one with ghosts he needs to lay to rest." Felix said patting his shoulder as the man allowed TK to leave.

--------------------------------

"One place as firefighters that we all must go when in New York." Buck said to Eddie as they walked towards said place having climbed out of the taxi. Owen and the others had come down here with them. For three members of the group this was a pilgrimage, for the others it was the first time they'd been to the aptly if rudely named ground zero. "I loved this place growing up. God what a site they were." Buck said as they approached the memorial. "Tyler you remember our first time at the top, mom took us for lunch." Buck said the man smiled. "We spent more time at the windows than we did at the table. You were looking for spiderman I think." Buck said to him the two men snickered. "Of course I remember telling you that spiderman used to hang out up there." Buck added.

"I was disappointed." TK said to him with a pout. "You know where they are?" TK asked Buck nodded his head.

"Where who are?" Carlos asked.

"The OC 252." Buck said to him.

"That why we are here?" Owen asked.

"Seemed like as good a time as any to say hi to a few people but honestly you bring a cop and firefighter to New York and you don't bring them here thats a crime." Buck said to him Owen nodded his acceptance of this statement. Buck wasn't wrong he thought though maybe a little bit morbid at the thought that this was a good idea. "I was planning on taking Eddie and Christopher to see a show while we were here." Buck said to him.

"And then?" Owen asked.

"I thought I might make a trip to London." Buck said to him Owen frowned. "Its a been a while and now seems like as good a time as any." Buck said to him.

"You coming back to work in Texas or in California?" Eddie asked.

"Until the prick is caught I don't think that I'll be going to LA." Buck said to him Eddie nodded. "I'm staying where my family are but I am at a lose end which most of you are not." Buck said to him.

"And the FBI?" Garcia asked.

"Yeah I'm not interested in whatever they want to sell me. I wasn't lying when I said that I got my monster Garcia, I think I've spent enough time in the presence of evil." Buck explained she smiled and nodded her head.

"I did tell Hotch that it seemed very unlikely you'd take us up on our offer." Morgan said to him. "Stay in touch kid." Morgan said to them.

"10-4 that." Buck said to him. "Garcia and you should get back to LA. Please thank everyone for letting me borrow you both." Buck said to them.

"We owe you Evan in more ways than one it was the least we could do." Garcia said hugging him hard. "You better call me from time to time." She added making him laugh. After several more goodbyes the two of them left.

"Good people." Owen said to him.

"You have no idea." Buck said to him with a smirk. "So with the exception of TK and Christopher, how about the rest of us go get blind drunk and I make some co*cktails." Buck said to them.

Chapter 21: Just a shadow of the man I used to be. Of giving up and all the trouble it might bring!

Chapter Text

Eddie had known from almost day one that Buck's life and financial situation was very different to his own. His first taste of this was the laughingly called apartment he owned on the upper East side. Eddie had woken up the first morning of their stay in New York to the views of the New York sky line looking down on the tiny images of people below them walking the pavements. He found Owen in the kitchen cooking with Carlos who had had similar reactions to him the night before when he'd first seen the views.

"I'm not going to tire of that view from our bedroom." Eddie said as Owen passed him a coffee the older man laughed at this. "I'm guessing though wealthy this is not your doing." Eddie said to him Owen shook his head. Buck had been resourceful with the money his parents had given him and investments he himself had made over the years. While the Buckleys had refused to raise Buck for the most part and he had been raised by his uncle/adoptive father and mother, they had at least taken care of him financially. He'd once said that it was to sooth their guilty conscience but he'd honestly hadn't cared why they had done it and he wasn't proud enough to turn down what they had given him as a f*ck of and leave us alone present at the age of twenty once.

"You can ask me you know!" Buck grouchy as he came out of their bedroom shirtless. His hair messed by sleep, he'd taken the offered coffee from Owen also. "I'm not fragile." He added kissing Eddie on the lips. "Though mom would rather I put a ring on your finger first." Buck said to him Eddie gaped while TK and Owen laughed that was definitely something that Gwyn would say to him.

"What's the plan for today?" Owen asked.

"Central Park zoo as we've been bullied into it by Chris." TK said to him with a roll of his eyes.

"I need to go by mom's office as I need to update my will." Evan said to him. "That however can wait for another day." Evan exclaimed Eddie gave him a look. "I also need to book flights to London for myself then back to Austin." He added.

"Do they know you are coming?" TK asked him.

"I spoke to Bob yesterday in the car." Buck said to him. "I need to go see my favourite niece." Buck explained Owen and TK shared brief smiles at this Eddie squeezed his hand Carlos looked non plussed.

"Niece I thought that was LA!" Carlos said confused.

"Evan has a daughter biologically speaking if not legally speaking." Owen explained. "He helped his college friend become a parent by being a sperm donor." TK explained Buck rolled his eyes at this making everyone laugh.

"So you are going to gate crash?" Carlos asked.

"Hell no, I've booked a week in the hilton." Buck said to him. "Bob likes me but not enough to let me surf their couch for a week." Buck informed him.

"I'm going to get Christopher ready for the day." Eddie said as he left them at the counter to take care of his son. Buck watched him go. "You're checking my ass out Buckley I can tell." Eddie said to him with a laugh.

"Mighty fine ass to." Buck said with a chuckle.

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Los Angles

Athena would be the first to admit she missed the boys, the fire house and weekend BBQ's just weren't the same without Buck, Eddie and Christopher there with them. Like the others she understood and respected there wish to protect their families. The photos Owen sent and occasionally Buck, Eddie and Christopher sent to the fire family saddened her. They all looked so happy, they all wore smiles and in the last couple of days for the first time in a long time she saw a sparkle in Buck's eyes. He'd had a weight lifted off his shoulders and it showed.

"Athena you looking at the zoo photos?" Maddie asked as they ate lunch at the fire house.

"Christopher in 252 fire house get up." Athena said to her friend. "I've never been more jealous." Athena said with a chuckle as she and Maddie looked over the photos most recently sent to them by the group.

"What's this?" Hen asked as they see a video. "I recognise Buck because of his birth mark, that must be TK." Hen said to him looking at still. "Oh it's tagged Max and Gwyn sent it." Hen said. The parents of Evan Buckley had been in communication with the fire house in LA while Buck had mainly been concentrating on healing and his own family with Christopher and Eddie thrown into the mix.

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11 years ago

It was the day of graduation, a party being thrown for Evan and his friends by his mother. Evan was smiling as he watched his baby brother having the time of his life with people that he would only see sporadically again in his life. "Evan, Max stand for a photo would you." Gwyn called to them. They did of course, though Buck only had eyes for his boyfriend not the camera it was a feeling that the other teen shared as the two kissed for the photo to much wolf whistling from their friends.

"Hey guys I'm recording." Ben called to the kids in question who groaned. "So where do you guys want to be 10 years from now?" Ben asked Buck shared a fond look with Max before saying.

"In Philly playing football, with my gorgeous husband and two kids for company." Buck said he was beaming at Max who let Buck answer for them both though he had no arguments. If it were to happen then so be it he thought to himself.

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Present

"Less than six months later that dream was shattered." Hen said wiping her eyes. "They were in love, you think you know someone then you realise that they are a shadow of the person they were. That their innocence was taken from them by man made evil." Hen said to her friends.

"I always thought there was more to puppy dog Buck, that behind the fun loving intelligent man I know there was something else he wouldn't talk about." Athena admitted. "I lost my first fiance and that is something you just do not get over, oh it heals over enough to be a scab but it never truly leaves you. You always wonder what you could have done differently if you'd just had more time." She explained.

"Some of us are better at hiding our pain than others." Maddie said to her friends. "Now I see why he never spoke about Max with most people he knew. This was the one pain he couldn't ignore." She added.

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"Hey mom nice office." Buck said as he stepped in without knocking.

"Evan good to see you smiling." Gwyn said to her eldest.

"I wanted to discuss changing my will, do you have time?" Buck asked.

"For you I have nothing but time." Gwyn informed him.

Chapter 22: To Yesterday do we owe our future!

Chapter Text

Twelve years ago

"Hey Cap you look pretty damn good for lunch right now." Buck said as he came into Owen's office. The smaller brunette standing nervously behind him. "I brought a guest I hope you don't mind." Buck said to his father.

"Of course not, any friend of yours is welcome in the fire house Evan." Owen said the boy behind him smiled at him. "I'm the idiots dad and you are?" Owen asked.

"Max." Max said to him.

"You don't go to school with my sons so how did you meet?" Owen asked.

"At service dad, his mom is a friend of mom's. A new friend of moms at that." Buck explained.

"Well then lets go see what's for dinner." Owen said to them noticing that Buck was holding Max's hand the man smiled. "Well I guess I have a set." Owen said hugging Buck who smiled. Max looked confused. "Tyler my younger son is also very gay, so I am informed by his mother." Owen added Buck burst out laughing at this and rolled his eyes at his dad's choice of words not that he disagreed with them he just thought it funny.

"Ty introduce you to his boyfriend yet?" Buck asked Owen shook his head. "I think he is going to have a type." Buck said to him.

"And how long have you two been dating?" Owen asked.

"Three months." Max said to him.

"And I'm only just meeting him?" Owen asked.

"I wanted to be sure, before I introduced him to the fire family. No point in bringing someone here if its not you know going work out." Buck said to him Buck leaned in kissing Max gently on the lips calming the nerves the smaller teen felt. "

"I was wondering, what's with the wall?" Max asked Owen.

"They are the people that this station lost in the towers." Buck said to him. "They were family." He added with a sad bittersweet smile on his face.

"I'm sorry I didn't know." Max said Buck drew him into his arms and gave him a hug.

"They are up there so we can tell their stories to the people who don't know them." Buck said in his ear. "That way their memory stay's alive and their sacrifice means something." He added his voice was laced with pain and Max knew that Buck had known most of them if not all of the men on that wall.

"They all mean something." Owen said to him Buck shook his head. Owen knew that Buck had lost some of that believe, watching his friends the people he loved fighting for their rights to fair and equal medical treatment and slowly die in some cases had dissolved him of some of the innocence that they once had. Buck lead the way up the stairs all smiles as the fire house as it was now took notice of the new comer. TK was already there talking to Benny he looked up and beamed at his big brother. "We have a new guest tonight, this here is Max and I am reliably informed that he is Evan's boyfriend of three months so we will make him very welcomee." Owen said to them.

"Finally told him." TK said as he approached the two of them. "Hey Max, how's it feel to be intimidated by the fire house?" TK asked.

"About the same as when I meet Evan's friends." Max said to him.

"About the same as I felt when you brought me to the LGBT group after service." Buck said to him Max beamed at this.

"Hey Max you want to hear some embarrassing stories about your boyfriend?" Someone asked.

"God damn it probie, you swore you wouldn't bring those two stories up." Buck said the room dissolved into laughter at these words.

-----------------------------

Present Day

"He was so different." TK said to Eddie as they sat in Buck's loft looking over photos of the two of them growing up. TK was telling him stories of a Buck he barely recognised.

"I know what changed, I just never realised how much less of a goof he was back then." Eddie said to him.

"Everything changed after Max, Luke did his best to put him back together again. They were happy, yes they went to separate schools but they had plans for after school. Maybe they would have fallen through, maybe they wouldn't have but I think the what if's they haunt Buck." TK explained. "I guess they haunt us all but they changed him, his a goof now but back then it was football and Max not necessarily in that order. Boy did he love to annoy his coaches with his actions and inactions at times." TK explained.

"When was he happiest?" Eddie asked.

"Honestly when he played football." Owen informed him. "It was just him and the ball back then." Owen said sitting down and offering Eddie a beer which he took.

"Why are you telling me this and not Buck?" Eddie asked.

"Oh handsome isn't it obvious?" Gwyn asked as she sat down opposite them. "We are telling you this because he won't, something's they just hurt him to much to talk about." Gwyn said to him. "Finding Max closing that door, we might see some of the old Evan. We hope that we will see some of the old Evan." Gwyn said to him. "You love him, you deserve to know about him and understand what makes him tick." Gwyn said to him.

"I can't compete with this." Eddie said to her she burst out laughing. "What did I say that was so funny?" Eddie asked.

"You have everything you need to keep him Eddie, he doesn't care for money he has that. What you have is something far more prescious than that." Gwyn explained. "You love him, you give him a son that he adores by the way and when he is in that dark cold lonely place. It's your voice that brings him back out of that dark place." Gwyn finished.

"What are you talking about?" Eddie asked.

"The night terror's when he is with you he doesn't have them does he?" TK asked.

"No he doesn't." Eddie said to him. "He sleeps better I noticed that." Eddie admitted.

"All through his childhood and well into college he suffered from night terror's, we figure that the people he has been involved with have managed to help him, maybe without knowing but helping none the less." Owen said to him. "My sister and brother in law while not abusive did not exactly bring him up in a loving environment." Owen informed him.

"Tell me more." Eddie said to them.

"Not put off yet?" Owen asked.

"Not even close." Eddie said to him.

"Good you may just make it through this!" Gwyn exclaimed.

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12 years previously

"You sure your brother is okay with us tagging along on his date?" Max asked.

"He proposed a double date, the guy who asked him out is a bit of a dick usually and TK just wants to make sure that he isn't being played and that he ends up not getting hurt." Buck said as the two of them walked into Central park with big goofy grins on their faces. "You know last week to impress said boy TK decided to cook for him at the apartment." Buck said Max nodded. "It is really bad when your own dad needs to come and rescue you from your own apartment and a fire you started trying to cook." Buck exclaimed the two of them shared some laughter at this as they headed for the agreed meeting point. TK was there waiting for them with a varsity baseball player that Buck didn't know a lot about besides his reputation for being a bit of a dick.

"Hey." Buck said to them.

"Wow so the running back also digs guys." The baseball player says.

"And if you do anything to hurt anyone of my friends or family I'll make you regret the day you were born." Buck said to him. "Evan and you are?" Buck asked.

"Jack." Jack replied. "You really have no idea who I am?" Jack asked.

"Oh I know who you are, I just didn't know what your first name is. This is Max my boyfriend and today, well today you get to see what its like to be a couple." Buck said to them as he led the way through the park heading for the zoo. The four of them made good time and Buck paid for the four of them making Max frown. "Lunch is on you." Buck said to Max who smiled at him. "I know you don't like me paying for everything, so this saves time and I know that TK will see me right for his and Jack's tickets later." Buck said to him TK nodded his head and offered him a smile as Buck offered him his hand Max smiled taking it.

"I'm not really out." Jack said to them. "My mom knows... look." Jack started.

"Its fine Jack, just because we are comfortable with holding hands doesn't mean you have to be." Buck said to him TK and Jack shared a smile. "Besides we're a year older and a lot cuter." Buck added making the two of them laugh.

"Cute?" Max asked askance.

"Definitely." Buck said leaning in and kissing him on the lips Max beamed at this and the four of them walked into the zoo.

"You bring all your dates here?" Max asked as they approached the ape exhibit.

"Sure, I mean you are only the second person I ever asked out and we love coming here." Buck said to him pointing at TK. "Anyway this was as good a place as any to bring Jack for a date and to make sure his not taking my brother for a ride." Buck finished Max shook his head. "I really do like it here, not just because of the film so don't give me to much hell." Buck said Max laughed at this. "I am so lucky." Buck said with a huge smile.

"Why?" Max asked.

"Have you looked in the mirror lately, you are hot and I am punching way above my weight class." Buck said to him.

"Stop it." Max said to him.

"Its so nice to see young love." They heard an elderly man say, Buck looked up in surprise. "Larry and I are forty years strong, we met in high school to." He added.

"My brother is also here with his boyfriend." Buck said to him.

"What's your name?" Larry asked.

"I'm Evan this gorgeous guy next to me is Max, he thinks I am nuts for loving this place I can just tell he is hunouring me." Buck said to him making the man laugh Max pushed into his side with a grin.

"You play sports kids?" Larry asked.

"Yeah football for me." Buck said to him.

"Soccer for me, very different schools." Max said to him.

"Larry let the boys go would you." The other man said to him.

"Of course James, thank you for restoring faith to the hearts of two old men." James said to them.

"No problem mister, take care of yourselves." Buck said to them.

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Present day

"What happened to Jack?" Eddie asked.

"He is married to a man in Anaheim." TK said to him. "In recovery like me." TK added.

"Drugs right?" Eddie asked Tk nodded. "Buck brought it up once but his not a huge conversationalist when it comes to his family at times but when Bobby came clean about his own issues with substance abuse Buck came clean about yours and said that he understood from the family of someone that was an addict or something like that." Eddie explained.

"Hey do me a favour, talk about me when I am in the room." Buck said as he sat on the edge of the couch next to Eddie. "You're absence has been noticed by me and your boyfriend." Buck said to TK who snorted. "I haven't looked at those in a long time." Buck said as he plucked the photo album of the table smiling down at them. The flash of pain crossed his face for just a moment before it was replaced by an even bigger smile. "He was something wasn't he." Buck said to Eddie who looked down at the two teenagers. "I'm sorry you are surrounded by the memories of dead men when it comes to my ex's or NFL quarterbacks." Buck said to Eddie. "Just so you know, I love you just the way you are." Buck said to his boyfriend. "Warts and all." Buck added.

"Thanks Buck." Eddie said to him with a beautiful smile. "So tomorrow we are going to one of your favourite places in the city huh?" Eddie asked.

"Yeah and then the zoo, there is this great place not far from here that does amazing stoogies." Buck said to him.

"Oh god yes, Carlos and I are definitely hitting that before we go back to Austin." TK said to his brother. "Not with you guys though." TK added.

"You can always come along, we are heading to all the same places with our boyfriends anyway." Buck pointed out.

Chapter 23: Secrets don't stay secret forever!

Chapter Text

The next day found them at the zoo, Buck and TK seemed to be walking down memory lane. Laughing and joking as they walked through exhibits. Owen and Gwyn shared smiles as they noticed a sparkle in Buck's eyes. Something they hadn't seen for a long time. Admittedly he lived in a different state to them but they were happy to see some of the old Buck back. Buck would be flying out to London the same day that they'd be flying back to Austin. Unlike his family and boyfriend he would be flying alone. Eddie couldn't drop everything while Buck was still technically on a leave of absence on compassionate grounds.

"Christopher don't get to close to the chimps, they might want to keep you." Buck called Carlos and Christopher looked back at him and grinned. "I think we have baby sitters." Buck said to Eddie as they walked along together. TK looked like he felt in love and happy.

"You kidding, we get first dibs." Gwyn said to him.

"No fighting over my son." Buck said his widening making the others laugh. Eddie leaned into him kissing him on the lips. Whispering something in Buck's ear that made Buck blush furiously and smile ferociously.

"Hey that's the guy." Someone called pointing at Buck.

"What did I do now?" Buck asked Owen who shrugged as people snapped photos of him and whispered. "Okay I am worried." Buck said to Eddie as he opened his phone to see five missed calls from Luke. "Why would he be so desperate to call me?" Buck asked as he dialled Luke he put his phone to his ear.

"Oh sh*t." Carlos was heard saying. "Probably to warn you." Carlos called back to him as Luke answered the phone.

‐-------------

"You called five times what did I miss?" Buck asked.

"We went viral this morning." Luke said in his ear. "Someone leaked videos of us as a couple back in college. I'm guessing coach because the guys an asshole." Luke explained.

"How's the wife?" Buck asked.

"Pissed." He heard aforementioned wife in the back ground reply bringing a sharp laugh from Buck. "We knew this day would come and the team already know about our past so they aren't shocked. It isn't anyone I play with right now any way." Luke said to him. "Are you in public?" He asked.

"I'm out with the family and Christopher." Buck said to him.

"sh*t I tried to warn you." Luke said to him.

"Luke I knew this day might come, you are my best friend and you were the love of my life. Nothing about that has changed." Buck said to him. "Would I have liked a heads up yes, that's my own fault though not yours." Buck said to him.

"Press will be on there way if they aren't already there." Luke said to him.

"Luke it's fine, I love you brother but I'm not ashamed of what we had. I was in love with you, I'm over you now though. Maybe take this as the chance you wanted to be the people you want to be." Buck said to them. "At least you don't have to worry about it any more." He prattled on with a smile.

"It should have been on my terms not theirs." Luke said to him angrily.

"If it had been on your terms you'd have been retired before you did." Buck said getting a wet laugh from Luke. "Naked photos Luke." Buck said with a groan the man chuckled.

‐-------------

After talking a further ten minutes Buck ended the call with a faint smile. Eddie looked at him strangely.

"That was a reasonable conversation for someone pissed of about being outed." Eddie said to Buck snorted. "I know you don't care but wow for him." Eddie added. "Naked photos I want to see that before the rest of the world does." Eddie added Buck roared with laughter at this.

"Maybe later when we get back to LA." Buck said to him.

"Lukes ass?" TK asked Eddie nodded.

"I've seen all of Buck." Eddie pointed out.

"Now you know why he is called fire hose at least." TK said out loud Buck gaped at his brother before the two took off laughing and yelling incandescently respectively.

"Act like teenagers." Owen said shaking his head.

"This bothers Luke more than it does Buck!" Eddie pointed out.

"Evan doesn't have a public life, he is out and proud. Safe for maybe doing this on their terms I doubt he honestly cares what other people think of his private life." Gwyn said to him.

--‐--------

"Evan do you have a moment?" Buck heard his first name and turned to see a camera and a mic close to him.

"Sure." Buck said knowing he wasn't getting away from the reporter or the camera for that matter. "What do you want to know?" Buck asked.

"Have you had a chance to see the videos?" The woman asked.

"I was there when they were made." Evan said to her with a raised eye brow. "It's not hard for me to remember a man I dated for a couple of years." Evan said. He'd stopped being his goofy self and slipped back into his old football days routine.

"Was it just dating?" She asked.

"Well there was a fair amount of sex and holidays with each others families." Buck said Owen face palmed at this while Eddie was on the phone talking to Luke and looking mortified at what he'd just said on live television.

"What do you make of the calls for Luke to be fired for being gay?" The woman asked.

"Only an idiot believes that hom*osexuality is a choice. Luke has been my friend for a lot longer than we were dating. There isn't much I wouldn't do for either of them or my godchildren. His wife knew of his past before marrying him, we've never lied to her about that." Buck said to the woman as way of explanations.

"Any message for Luke?" She asked.

"Just that I love him and that I will always have his back. Oh and the neanderthals demanding he be fired for being gay, they should keep taking their anti-psychotics." Buck said the woman smirked at this before signing of with whatever station she was and the camera was lowered.

"Evan I'm sorry about ambushing you, just so you know I'm not one of assholes." She said as they shook hands.

"Any photos of my family, specifically my son I would appreciate if you didn't post them. I have an on going situation with a serial killer and I'd rather he didn't know where they were at." Buck said to her.

"Nothing from us if that checks out with the LAFD." She said to him then they were gone again.

----------------

"So how angry is Luke?" Buck asked Eddie as he was handed his phone back.

"Mortified." Eddie said to him. "He also wanted me to tell you it was nice seeing some of the old Buck." Eddie said kissing him on the lips.

Chapter 24: You haven't run far enough!

Chapter Text

"Are you going to London for business or pleasure?" The woman next to him on the plane asked.

"Pleasure, I have a niece in London." Buck said to her with a smile. "I haven't seen her in a couple of years." He admitted.

"So you are going to spoil her?" She asked.

"That's the plan." He said to her.

"You aren't from New York." She said to him.

"Hershey originally but I lived in New York for a while and LA, currently live in Austin." Buck said to her.

"What do you do?" She asked.

"I'm a Lt in the AFD." Buck said to her she smiled. "My dad and brother are both firefighters, captain and firefighter respectively." Buck added.

"Well boy it seems like its in your blood!" She exclaimed making him laugh. "Do you like it?" She asked.

"Not really." Buck said to her. "What I'm really good at I don't want to do." He admitted.

"Why do you do it if you don't like it?" She asked.

"Because I want to make a difference." Buck said to her, she looked at him strangely. "My dad was in the south tower on 9/11, I have friends who I lost that day and even more now." Buck said to her she nodded her head in understanding. "I figure with my brain, I can do some good without staring into the eyes of evil every time I get there." Buck said to her.

"You wanted to be a cop?" She asked.

"I actually wanted to be a doctor growing up and I'm working towards my doctorate just not in medicine." Buck added.

"What are you studying?" She asked.

"Criminal psychology with a speciality in serial offending." Buck said to her.

"Criminal minds, that why you started?" She asked.

"No, I started because I lost someone to a serial offender. I recently got to bring him home to his family, now I'm kind of at a lose end." Buck said to her.

"So you aren't sure what you want to do anymore?" She asked.

"Pretty much." Buck said to her. "I ran from LA because I was being chased by a serial killer I was trying to help the police to catch." Buck explained.

"You went after that piece of trash?" She asked he burst out laughing at this. "You are one hell of a piece of work." She said to him.

"I have a son and a boyfriend who could be targets, I lost someone already to a serial killer I'm not losing more because I didn't walk away ma'am." Buck explained she nodded her understanding.

---------------------------

"Hey cap any news on Buck?" Judd asked as he walked into the office.

"He touched down about four hours ago, called from his hotel and told me all about a woman grilling him about what he did." Owen said to him.

"Sounds like something that wasn't a lot of fun for him." Judd said to him.

"He also told me he wasn't sure whether or not he was coming back from London to be a firefighter." Owen said to him. "I prodded him on it." Owen explained.

"Owen he has lost more people than he wishes to count, you can't be surprised now that he completed his lives work that Buck isn't sure if this is what he wants any more." Judd said to him. "He has been so angry for so long, he doesn't remember not being angry at the world. Max brought closure to a gaping wound, I get that better than most people do and I know you do to." Judd continued. "He followed in your footsteps because it allowed him to distract himself from the ghosts of his past." Judd said to him.

"Meaning what?" Eddie asked.

"Meaning he isn't sure who he is anymore. You said he was wasted in the department, that with a brain like his and the skills that he has. He was capable of so much more, so why do what we do every day. Not the money or the excitement of a fire that's for damn sure." Judd said to him.

"I don't understand!" Owen said to his friend.

"Owen he does what he does because it is what he thinks you want him to do." Judd said to his friend. "Seems to me the person he needs to set him free is right here." Judd said to him.

"So what do you want me to do?" Owen asked.

"Their's a ticket in your locker for London, open return. Nothing snazzy not like Buck but it seems to me that you have a flight to catch Owen." Judd said to him.

-----------------------------------

Four days later

Buck was sat in the bar of his hotel enjoying a beer and watching the people around him go about their daily lives, "You nursing that?" The bartender asked.

"I am not, I'm just people watching." Buck said to him. "Pleased that for once I'm not going to hear the fire bell." Buck added the man nodded.

"You a firefighter back home." The man asked.

"I used to be." Buck said to him.

"But?" He asked.

"I'm not sure what I am any more." Buck said to him.

"Seems to me that we need to talk Buck." Owen said as he approached the bar. "A beer please." Owen said to him as Buck turned to face his father. "How about we start by you telling me why you became a firefighter?" Owen asked.

"How about you tell me why you came to London?" Buck asked.

"It seemed people thought we should talk, am I wrong?" He asked Buck shook his head at his father. "You know I never pressurized you into becoming a firefighter." He added.

"I know, you and mom wanted me and Tyler to make our own mistakes." Buck said to him as he downed the rest of his drink and nodded at the bartender.

"So what do you want to be?" Owen asked.

"Honestly I have no idea." Buck said to him Owen sighed, "I became firefighter because of you dad, I'm pretty good at that." Buck said to him.

"Yes you are." Owen said to him as he paid for their drinks. "But it was never what you wanted." Owen said to him.

"You know I get tired of hearing stuff like that right." Buck said to him with a shake of his head. "Dad I've been chasing ghosts since I was eighteen." Buck said to him. "Max, looking at every person I pass in the street because it might be his killer or someone who knows where his body is." Buck said to him Owen nodded his head sadly. "The BAU offer is still on the table." Buck said to him. "The LAPD want me and so does New York." Buck said to him Owen burst out laughing. "I don't know what I want to be any more." Buck informed him.

"I think that is a fair statement." Owen informed him. "When you come home you don't need to make an immediate decision." Owen said to him. "Except you aren't sure you are coming home." Owen said to him. "Its not lost on me that you didn't bring Eddie and Christopher with you." Owen said to him. "Are you coming home?" Owen asked. He was shocked to see that his son was silently crying when he looked up at him. "You aren't are you?" Owen asked.

"I'm staying here for a few days to see Lily then I'm going on. I need you not to follow me, I'll come home when I'm ready." Buck said to him Owen gaped at this. "I don't know who I am anymore." Buck said as he got up and left the bar. "See you around dad." Buck said to him.

"Evan." Owen called after him Buck looked back. "Be safe." Owen said to him.

"He seems lost." The bartender asked.

"I have no idea." Owen said to him as he sat at the bar. "I knew he was struggling but this..." Owen said to him.

"I can find out where he is going." The bartender said to him.

"He wouldn't forgive me for that and trust me when I say he has the money to just disappear." Owen said to him.

-------------------------------------------

"Uncle Evan." Lily yelled as she came into the living room and ran into his open arms. Bob smiled at him. "Evan its so good to see you." He said as he joined his daughter in hugging the man.

"And you Bob, hi Lily." Evan said as he knelt down beside the girl tugging playfully at her blond curls making the girl giggle. "You've grown so much." Buck said as he kissed the tip of her nose making the girl giggle.

"I'm sorry about Max." Bob said to him.

"Yeah so am I." Buck said as he stood up with his girl in his arms. "I promised you presents and I have them in the kitchen." Buck said to Lily who wriggled in his arms.

"Evan please." Lily pleaded with him before he relented and put her down, the girl raced out of the room with both adults telling her to slow down.

"So I'm guessing this isn't a social visit." Bob said to him.

"Nothing gets past you." Buck said to him the man laughed. "I'm going away for a while, figure out who I am that sort of thing." Buck said to him.

"You going to tell me where?" Bob asked.

"Not a chance, my dad can be persuasive." Buck said to him the man laughed. "I have a lot of regrets in my life but Lily being a dad even remotely, being her dad when you let me be is never one of them." Buck said to him with a shake of his head.

"You are a good dad Evan, Lily doesn't know yet but she will know the truth and she is going to love you for that." Bob said to him. "Christopher loves you." Bob said to him. "Seems to me you are going to end up going home eventually. You love Eddie, don't bother lying now. Your emails tell me that much." Bob said to him. "Go find yourself again, be the man I know you can be." Buck said to him.

"Thanks, lets go be with our kid." Buck said as the two of them followed the little girl back into the kitchen where she was going through a large bag of presents.

"You spoil her." Jennifer said to him.

"I'm allowed right, a girls only got one favourite uncle." Buck said the woman laughed at this.

"Everything okay?" Jennifer asked.

"Just fine Jen, now how about you tell me everything I and Luke have missed and then you can feed me." Buck said to him.

------------------------------------------

"What do you mean he isn't coming back any time soon?" Eddie asked.

"Just that, he said he needs to go find himself and he didn't tell me where." Owen said to him Eddie gaped. "Eddie he will come home, he loves you both but I think he just needs some time." Owen said to him.

"He is crushed under the weight of grief Owen." Eddie said to him.

"Like I don't know that kid." Owen said to him. "He didn't tell me where he was going only that he would be gone for some time and that he would come home when he was ready." Owen said to him.

"I'm his partner Owen, I should be there to help him through this. Not here thinking about where the hell he might be." Eddie said to his friend.

-----------------------------------------------

Six months later

Sydney Australia

Buck was working the bar for the night shift when he heard a cough as someone sat down in front of him, Buck looked up and almost dropped the glass he was holding, "Eddie." Buck said to him.

"Hi Buck." Eddie said to him.

"How the hell did you find me?" Buck asked him.

"Funny enough you made the news back home, when you ran into a burning building saving three kids." Eddie said to him. "Your face made the camera's." Eddie said to him. "From there you weren't hard to find." Eddie explained.

"I guess I made a mistake." Buck said to him Eddie shook his head. "How are you?" Buck asked.

"My boyfriend is in Australia when his brother is in the ICU in Austin because of a snow storm." Eddie said to him Buck gaped at this. "I came out here to bring you home Buck and talk to you." Eddie said to him. "I understood why you left Evan." Eddie said to him.

"You would have stopped me." Buck said to him. "And I would have stayed because I'm in love with you and I would have ended up hating you for that." Buck said to him Eddie nodded.

"I'm not ready to forgive you for that but I do understand. I need you to pack your things and bring you home." Eddie said to him with a shake of his head. "TK isn't looking to good right now." Eddie said to him.

"What the hell happened?" Buck asked.

Chapter 25: Homecoming

Chapter Text

Due to the snow storm going on in Austin they'd had to fly into a neighbouring state and then drive into the storm, Buck gaped at the mess that the state of Texas had become since the storm had hit. It was the first time he'd been back in the states for months and although he had been following the news, he had indeed been in Australia for what passed for their summer aka Christmas and much more before it. So he was freezing his balls off as they got out of the car and headed into the hospital, Buck was shivering like mad which although Eddie felt some sympathy for him he was still angry with the man and Buck didn't need any of his degrees to know that. They'd argued the couple of days it had taken for the two of them to get flights organised and Eddie needed to get through the jet lag before the two of them made their journey home. Eddie had been happy when Buck however insisted on buisness class travel not as he had on the way out to Sydney.

Talking had progressed to angry arguing for Eddie pretty quickly, Buck had disappeared without a word to anyone besides to Owen who seemed to know exactly where Buck was and had not told any one until he had been found after TK's accident and informed Eddie where to find him then got him on a plane to bring Buck home. The doors pinged open to the elevator, releasing Buck and Eddie into the ICU where some of the fire house were waiting quietly for Owen and Carlos to come out of TK's room.

"Buckley." Judd growled as he spotted the two men coming down the hallway. "What are you wearing?" He asked.

"I was in Australia Judd." Buck muttered as the rest of the team burst out laughing and hugged him.

"You do what you needed to do?" Marjan asked as she took her turn.

"Yeah." Buck said to her then his eyes fell on Christopher who was getting up slowly and then heading towards him. "Marwani I need my arms to be free." Buck said to his friend Eddie snorted but placed a warm hand on Buck's back making the younger men look back at him to see him smile. "Hey Christopher." Buck said as he kneeled down to the boys level with open arms. While the adults might have been angry with him Christopher walked straight into his outstretched arms dropping his crutches so he could fold his arms around Buck's neck. Buck stood up after securing him snuggly against his body as the boy rested his head on Buck's shoulder.

"I missed you Evan." Christopher said to him Buck closed his eyes and smiled at the use of his first name.

"I missed you to buddy." Buck said to him as Eddie enveloped them both in his own arms, 'We'll talk later.' Eddie mouthed before kissing him on the lips. As angry as he was with Buck for leaving for as long as he had the man had also understood that Buck was doing what he had when he left El Paso all those years ago. He'd been running from his pain.

"I may have to tell my surfer boyfriend I am not coming home." Buck said to them with a wink at Marjan.

"Boyfriend?" Christopher demanded.

"He is teasing me." Eddie said quietly. "And he better not be going back to Australia." Eddie informed Buck who shook his head.

"Evan." Owen called to him Buck looked up from his family to his father who was smiling at the mini reunion between them. "TK would love to see you first before the rest of the fire house." Owen said to him.

"Okay, I just need to put our son down." Buck said Christopher buried his face into Buck's shoulder even harder while Eddie could do nothing but smile. "Chris, I need to go get yelled at by TK." Buck said to the boy who was laughing at him as Buck put him down.

"Okay pops." Christopher said to him.

"Maybe later." Buck said to him as he glanced at Eddie while he helped Christopher get his crutches back and held him up until he knew the boy was set then kissed Eddie on the lips. "I love you both but I really do need to go get yelled at by my little brother." Buck said to him. "Can someone please go get me some warm clothes." Buck said to the fire house.

"Sure thing Buck." Judd said to him. Buck pulled out his bank card and handed it to Judd. "You sure dude." Judd asked.

"Its highly unlikely that you are going to be able to bankrupt me." Buck said to him glancing at Eddie who nodded before he followed his father into the private room. TK was awake and looking grumpily at the people already in there Gwyn rounded the bed and hugged him as the door closed. "Carlos tell me the idiot isn't here because he did something dumb?" Buck asked looking at his brothers boyfriend.

"I'm right here asshole." TK growled at him.

"TyTy please we both know your self preservation genes are like mine faulty." Buck said to him making everyone in the room laugh.

"Are you not cold?" TK asked.

"Absolutely freezing." Buck said to him TK shook his head. "Its summer in Sydney TK." Buck muttered as the two of them hugged.

"You know Eddie is absolutely pissed at you." TK said to him.

"I do." Buck said to him. "He made that clear in the four days it took us to get here." Buck informed him TK smirked at this. "Two days to get the jetlag done with in Australia and two days to get home, now we have the same problem in the other direction." Buck explained. "So talk to me, how did you end up in here? Then tell me what the hell happened whilst I was gone." Buck said to them making everyone laugh.

----------------------------

Owen and Gwyn took Christopher so he and Eddie could go home and sleep it off, "Dear god a bed with pillows." Buck said to Eddie as they lay on the bed that the two of them had shared before Buck had left for Sydney and the place where they had had some very angry and very hot sex the night before. Eddie was resting his head on Buck's chest. "Are we going to be okay?" Buck asked him as he ran his hands through Eddie's hair the man was almost purring at the soft movements as he snuggled into Buck harder. Both men becoming aware of their usual morning issues and both men smiling.

"After last night you really need me to answer that." Eddie said to him. "I'm still angry at you Evan, you upped and left without a word. All Owen would say was that you'd come back when you are ready and from the looks that I got from Christopher and Owen I know that he was in contact with you as well." Eddie said to him Buck sighed as Eddie rolled on top of him and settled so the two of them were eye to eye Eddie kissed him. "We are very far from okay Evan, but we can be with time. If you'd asked I would have come with you. Hell if you had asked we could have gone anywhere besides where we were currently." Eddie said to him.

"I didn't speak to Chris for six months Eddie." Buck said to him. "Dad however did know how to contact me and I sent post cards and letters. Post cards mostly for Christopher." He informed him. "I wasn't punishing either of you, I know you knew that but I also knew that Christopher wouldn't understand my reasonings for doing what I did. I was in London for a couple of more weeks after dad found me, then I moved to Australia and embraced the back packing life until I got to Sydney." Buck said to him.

"What did you do for money?" Eddie asked.

"Edmundo, why on Earth do you think that I needed to work while I was out there." Buck said to him.

"You regularly made sure that money was in my account Buck." Eddie said to him.

"Yes, my share of the rent and food bills. I may not have actually lived here for six months but you needed my salary as well." Buck said to him Eddie nodded. "So what if I felt guilty enough to make sure I put more money in than I actually paid as my share of the bills." Buck said to him.

"You felt guilty?" Eddie asked.

"Mostly I just felt lost." Buck said to him Eddie looked at him. "I was angry Eddie and I spent so long being angry because I couldn't find Max that I never grieved for him." Buck explained. "So when I did what I needed to do, it hit me like a ton of bricks." Buck said to him. They stayed like this for another hour before the two of them got up and showered together. Then Buck cooked them breakfast before going into his bags before he pulled out a pill box and placed it in front of Eddie who picked it up read it and then looked at Buck sadly. "I had a break down my second month in Australia, not long after I got to Sydney actually. Nothing major but I spent some time getting some help and I've been on anti anxiety and anti depressants ever since." Buck said as he placed the other bottle on the table.

"Ten years of anger will do that." Eddie said to him Buck nodded. "Its pretty hard to be angry at you after that." Eddie said to him as he watched Buck take medication.

"I'm going to be the one to tell dad and TK about this, so please don't." Buck said to him.

"And get murdered by him I think not." Eddie said to him as Buck placed his medication at the top of the kitchen shelves out of sight of Christopher and out of his reach. "Are you going back to work as a firefighter?" Eddie asked."If dad will let me." Buck said to him. "Plus you might have missed it but you don't have a fire house at the moment." Buck pointed out.

"And if we go back to LA?" Eddie asked.

"When baby." Buck said to him Eddie nodded. "Our fire family will want us back eventually." Buck added.

"Yeah can't wait." Eddie said to him.

-------------------------------------------

Los Angles

"I have news from Owen and Eddie." Bobby said as he sat down at the table in the fire house.

"Oh how is TK?" Hen asked.

"Awake and angry." Bobby said to him. "Eddie brought Buck home from Australia so I don't think he is any happier than TK with Buck." Bobby informed his friends and wife who had just appeared at the top of the stairs and was smiling at the new of TK waking up from her husband. She frowned at the news that Buck had been brought home by Eddie. All of them had been surprised to hear that Buck had disappeared of the face of the earth six months ago. He'd not spoken to any of them since then, though Owen seemed to know more than most and seemed to know where Buck was during his sojourn away from the USA.

"He was in Australia?" Athena asked.

"For most of the last six months yes." Bobby said to her.

"I guess that kid is insane." She ground out as she took her phone out and dialled Buck. "I have news that he will want to hear." She informed the rest of the fire house.

-----------------------------------------------------

"Athena, I guess you are calling to yell at me like most of the rest of the family want to do!" Buck stated as he answered his phone for the first time to any of them in months.

"Oh I am going to yell at you right after you get home and I can hug you child." Athena said to him Buck smiled at this. "I'm calling because we've made an arrest." Athena said to him. "You should know that your profile and the work of the BAU which has been working non stop to bring this bastard down was pivotal." Athena said to him.

"It was a cop?" Buck asked.

"Detective DeAngelo." Athena said to him. "When you get back here you may actually want to talk to him." Athena said to him.

"Well that's the one time I wish I had been wrong." Buck said to her she snorted. "Tell Bobby to expect a call from us once we've made our decision." Buck said to her.

--------------------------------------------------------

"So you were right, it was a cop and one of the investigation team." Eddie said to him.

"Someone is going to lose their job over that." Buck said to him. "So we have some decisions to make once the fire house is back on its feet." Buck said to him with a shake of his head.

"No decision." Eddie said to him. "We go home." Eddie said to him Buck nodded his head. "Its what we have all wanted since we moved out here." Eddie said to him.

"Not even slightly tempted?" Buck asked him.

"Definitely tempted, I love this team and Austin but its not home." Eddie said to him Buck drew him in. "Christopher wants to see his grandparents and aunts and uncles and we want to see our friends." Eddie said to him.

"Okay we'll talk to dad." Buck said to him.

"And your job?" Eddie asked.

"Yeah I think I'm ready to go back to work." Buck said to him Eddie laughed his ass off at that. "I mean I'll need to recertify its been a while." Buck added.

----------------------------------------------------------

That weekend the three of them were in the back of Judd's house with the rest of the fire house having a leaving party. The group was laughing and joking as they drank and were basking in the love of their family. Eddie and Buck were watching Christopher and the girls play when Owen and Gwyn came over with Carlos and TK who was freshly out of the hospital.

"No way to persuade you both to stay?" Owen asked.

"This isn't our city dad." Buck said to him. "But em you guys will need to come out for a holiday." Buck said to him.

"Why?" Carlos asked.

"Because its LA!" Buck said to him. "You're going to love it." Buck said to him.

"So no wedding?" Owen asked.

"We aren't there yet, I've pretty much forgiven Buck but we aren't at the marriage stage yet." Eddie said to him.

"But you will be." TK said to him.

"Tyler." Buck said TK glared at him. "Time to embrace the fact that you are worthy of your first name little brother." Buck said to him. "I think we are both done paying for the mistakes of our youth." Buck said to him TK nodded at this.

"Any grand baby's in the future?" Gwyn asked.

"You've been speaking to Bob." Buck said Gwyn blushed furiously.

"What does that mean?" Eddie asked.

"It means that Jen offered to be a surrogate for us." Buck said to him.

"What did you say?" Eddie asked.

"Yes." Buck said to him Eddie stared at him in shock. "I want to be a dad, raise a kid myself from diapers. I already have Christopher and he is my son but I want the sleepless nights experience. So when we are ready. I guess we have a trip to London to make." Buck said to him Eddie nodded. "That's if you want." Buck said to him.

"I'd like that." Eddie said to him.

Chapter 26: Our Fondest Memories Are Of Home

Chapter Text

"Oh man I forgot how nice it is to be back in LA." Buck said to Eddie as the two of them slumped down on Buck's sofa. "Christopher in bed, TV and Blue-ray to ourselves." Buck said to him.

"No one has any idea that we are home yet." Eddie said as Buck wrapped his arm around Eddie's shoulders and drew him into his body Eddie smiled as he leaned in for a kiss. "You want to christen the bedroom already?" He asked.

"Honestly I just want to sleep but I think that the news we are back in town may have gotten out while we were in transit." Buck said to him Eddie groaned at this. "How long before the team knock on our door is what I am asking myself." Buck added as the doorbell went he groaned. "Told you, dad said he'd text them and let them know we'd arrived when I sent him a text to say we'd just put Christopher down." Buck said as he extricated himself from Eddie and headed for the door. Looking through the peep hole he looked back and grinned at his boyfriend. "Bobby, Athena, Maddie and Chim." Buck said as he opened the door the four people were holding bowls of food and stock for their pantry.

"You could have called yourself." Athena said as the four of them marched across the apartment to the kitchen.

"Would you believe us if we said, that we just wanted to catch some z's." Buck said to them as Athena handed them a bottle of red wine. "For later?" He asked.

"Hell no boy for right now, we have reason to celebrate and we brought drinks." Athena said to him. "Its good to see you baby." Athena said to him as she wrapped her arms around his waist and drew him into a hug. "Christopher is in bed yes?" She asked him Buck nodded as he pulled glasses out of the cupboard. "These look nice!" Athena said to him.

"Should be they were a present from a friend, Italian glass before you ask." Buck said to her she glared at him playfully. "I've not had much of a chance to get anything in for you Bobby." Buck said to his captain.

"I brought sparkling grape juice." Bobby said to him as he pulled a bottle of his own. Buck poured glasses of wine for the rest of them. "How does it feel to be home?" Bobby asked as Buck passed Athena a glass and then allowed the others to take theres.

"A little strange, the accent has been missed for sure." Buck said to them as he took a sip of his own drink and sighing happily. "Australia at this time of year, at least where I was is very hot." Buck said to them. "Austin after what it has just been through wasn't when we touched down that hot." Buck added Eddie snorted with amusem*nt at this statement. "Sydney is something else, I want to take Eddie and Christopher back for a holiday next summer. There summer that is." He explained.

"Now that sounds like fun, I would like to see more of the city I got to see briefly." Eddie said to him.

"Austin?" Bobby asked.

"Both very tempted to stay." Eddie said to him. "Owen and TK and the whole fire house are awesome." Eddie said to them.

"My brother and parents they made us welcome." Buck said to them.

"Well I was there a lot longer than their son." Eddie said to him

"Yeah and Christopher has another set of grandparents to spoil him." Buck pointed out Eddie nodded.

"Are you coming back to work?" Chim asked.

"Yeah I'm coming back to work, I needed to go find myself again and I needed to make peace with who I am now and what I lost with Max." Buck said to them.

"And?" Maddie asked.

"I guess I have a way to go before I can find the peace I need in the latters case but its a lot better than it was when I left London." Buck said to them as he took his phone out and pulled up photos that Eddie had seen of Buck and Lily with the little girls mom and dad. "I promised photos to Christopher and well these were at the London Aquariam and the London Eye." Buck said to them as he handed his phone to Bobby and Athena who looked through them before handing them off to Maddie and Chim. "Last time I saw Lily before that trip she was barely out of diapers." Buck said to them with a grin as they looked at photos of Buck with the little girl on his shoulders. There was no mistaking that the little girl was his. She had his nose, his smile and his eyes along with his curls.

"You grow your hair out a little will it look like that?" Chim asked.

"Yeah." Buck said to him. "I haven't had curls since I was eleven I think, I asked mom for straighteners that year for my birthday." Buck said to him. "Dad was so pissed at mom for that." Buck explained.

"I dread to think what your hair would look like now then." Athena said to him Buck laughed. "How do you like your niece?" Buck asked Maddie. "I mean legally she isn't mine but biologically she is." Buck said to his sister.

"Can I call them?" Maddie asked.

"I don't see why not but I'll ask Jen next time we talk and no giving your parents the details." Buck said to her she nodded.

"You know you could try again." Maddie said to him.

"I've spent the last six months trying to put my demons to bed, I am not going to go out of my way to reopen an old wound. If they want to reach out that is up to them, the last time I tried they slammed the door in my face and I spent the night in county jail." Buck said to his sister Athena raised an eye brow at this but she knew that Buck wasn't going to go any further into it than that. She'd heard from Luke most of the story and been warned that Buck wasn't open to the idea of talking to his parents again. She thought that he was at least open to the idea of trying again if the parents in question were the people to make the first move. Athena took his and Eddie's glass from them then went to refill for the rest of them. Bobby took over for the ladies.

"So Owen mentioned that you guys might be trying for a family of your own soon." Bobby said to him.

"My dad has a big mouth." Buck exclaimed making the others laugh. "Jen offered to return the favour for us, we need to sort some stuff out before that can happen and officially move in together but its in the near future." Buck said taking Eddie's hand. "That being said I already have a son with Eddie." Buck corrected Bobby who beamed at him for this.

"Yes you do." Eddie said to him.

"You've forgiven him for leaving for six months?" Chim asked.

"Mostly." Eddie said kissing Buck afterwards for effect Buck smirked into the kiss making Eddie nip at his bottom lip. "Like Buck said we have some issues to work through before we are completely good but I get why he did what I did. What I did to get away from my family in El Paso isn't that much different to what Evan did to me and the fire house in Austin after he finished finding Max." Eddie said to him.

"I guess we can understand that." Athena said to them. "Only question is where you will live." Athena said to Buck.

"Well we have just this home at the moment, as Eddie let the lease on his house go... so I guess while I recertify I am also going to go looking for a home for the three of us." Buck said to him.

"A reasonably priced house at that." Eddie said to him.

"Reasonable for your bank balance or for mine?" Buck asked him Eddie sighed. "We've had some issues with my bank balance as well." Buck said to them as he retook his refilled glass.

"I've heard rumours about that." Athena asked. "May I ask why you have that much money?" Athena asked.

"I don't know what they did for Maddie but my donors as a way to make up for abandoning me with my parents, filled a bank account to bursting with cash they either didn't need or want then left it to accumulate until I was eighteen. I invested some during college and made a lot more money from it. So part of it is the donors work and the other part of it is my strewd investments over the years. Including in Luke's brand." Buck said to them.

"Is that where most of it comes from?" Eddie asked Buck nodded. "I guess I can accept that." Eddie said to him.

"The money from my donors is blood money, its the silent shame they have in what they did to me." Buck said to him Maddie growled at him. "Look Maddie, they are your parents, they raised you. Nothing besides my bank balance comes from them and most of that comes from my business links with Luke." Buck informed his sister. "They wanted you and Daniel, they did not need or want me after I failed in the one job they had me for." Buck pointed out.

"They did not just throw you away." Maddie said to him.

"They gave me to your uncle Maddie, they gave me to Owen Strand our uncle by birth my adopted father. Make no mistake about it, they did nothing more or less than was necessary then out of guilt made sure I was taken care of. So I would keep silent out of some misplaced sense of love for them. They slammed the door in my face when I went looking for answers. I had enough sh*t going on in my life without them at the time." Buck explained. "I can not forgive them for what they did to me Maddie, you should talk to mom and dad about what I was like after I was left with them and the serious amount of therapy I needed to get over what happened." Buck said to them.

"Like what?" Athena asked.

"I tried several times to take my own life, my brother went with addiction to cope with 9/11 I went the other way." Buck informed them.

"You blame some of it on our parents and the rest of it on 9/11?" Maddie asked.

"Our parents did a number on both of us I think." Buck said she nodded in agreement of this statement. "You had to be in New York and know firefighters to understand the true terror and horror of what happened that day to our families." Buck said gently he downed his wine and then put the glass to one side. "When dad rebuilt the fire house Tyler and I hated the new editions to it, they became like family hell for a while there I was going to enroll in the NYFD not the LAFD. You ever feel like you are surrounded by ghosts?" Buck asked Bobby who inclined his head at the question. "That was what the 252 felt like the day after 9/11. Mom didn't want us to go down there to see the fire house but Tyler and I we needed to connect with friends. It was a lot like walking into the 126 for the first time." Buck explained.

"A living tomb?" Maddie asked.

"Something like that." Buck explained.

"Why come back?" Athena asked.

"Because what other choices are there. I can sit at home and mope, I can go and catch people like the one who murdered Max or I can be a firefighter. I like my choices Athena, I am really good at the job in question." Buck said to her she nodded her head and Bobby smiled. "I want to make a difference in life and facing evil isn't the way to do that." Buck said to her.

"I'm a cop are you suggesting..." Athena teased Buck waved her off. "The day I followed you into that crime scene will live with me for the rest of my life." Athena said to him.

"Good." Buck said to him. "Let it be a reminder of the evil man does to itself and let it teach you that no matter how bad a thing you see compassion is always the answer." Buck said to her she stared at him weirdly. "I caught my last serial killer Athena and honestly I'm good with that." Buck said to his friend.

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"You upset Maddie." Athena said as the four of them cleared the table.

"I knew I would, when we moved onto the topic of her parents." Buck said to her. "They aren't mine Athena, I have parents they are Owen and Gwyn Strand/Morgan." Buck informed her.

"What about us?" Athena asked teasingly.

"I'd be honoured." Buck said to her kissing her cheek. "You know Eddie and I we see you both as surrogate grandparents for Christopher right." Buck informed her she looked over at Eddie who inclined her head.

"You two going to be okay?" Bobby asked them.

"Yes we are." Eddie said to him. "Buck needed to get that off his chest and as much as Maddie didn't want to hear what he had to say she needed to hear it." Eddie informed them.

"No more living in the past." Athena said to him.

"I think I have done enough of that for one lifetime." Buck said to her as they put the food in the fridge.

Chapter 27: A change is going to come

Chapter Text

"Nice to have you back Lt." Ravi said as Buck came out of his office in uniform.

"I miss Austin." Buck muttered. "Who the hell had my office for six months?" Buck asked him Ravi laughed at this.

"Hen." Ravi said to him.

"I'm going to skin her alive." Buck muttered to himself as he entered the kitchen to find Bobby cooking breakfast and Eddie doing his thing of watching while Athena, Hen and Chim were all looking at him curiously. "Hen, when you moved into my office, did you think to keep it in some kind of order or just decide to drive me nuts when I went back into it." Buck asked her Hen shook her head with clear amusem*nt in her eyes. "Besides all of your doctor stuff littering my desk, you have photos of cats." Buck said to her. "What happened to the dog or did you go full Delores Umbridge and dictator while I was away?" Buck asked.

"I told you he was a neat freak." Chim said to him.

"I'll have it cleared out by the end of the shift." Hen said to him.

"No you're have it cleaned out by breakfast." Buck said to her she gaped at him. "I'm deadly serious then you and Chim can get started on washing the vechiles." He added Bobby chuckled.

"I guess we know who is back in full force." Chim said to him.

"Okay then one of you can clean the toilets the other can clean the vechiles." Buck said to him. "Thanks Chim the rest of us can do inventory and more pleasant chores." Buck added.

"Buck." Bobby stepped in with a hand on the younger mans shoulder. It was the closest he could come to stepping in without stepping on Buck's toes. Buck glanced over and smiled at Bobby realising that the man had done what he intended to do.

"It was meant to be a joke." Hen said to him.

"Congratulations you failed." Buck said to her.

"What has his goat this morning?" Chim asked.

"LA is a nice 24 degrees." Athena said to her friend. "Sydney is closer to forty and he is cold." Athena said to him.

"He is wearing thermals." Eddie admitted.

------------------------

"Better?" Athena asked.

"Much." Buck said as he looked over at her from her desk. "I was being an ass I know." Buck said to her.

"You aren't happy." Athena said to him.

"At being home with Eddie yeah delighted by that turn of events, at being a firefighter the jury is out on that one." Buck said to her.

"Why did you agree to come back if you weren't sure it was what you wanted." Athena said to him as he motioned to the comfy chair that he had on the other side of his desk. "You had plenty of offers and most of them are still on the table." Athena said to him Buck nodded his head in acceptance of this statement.

"I love this job Athena. I love what we do." Buck said to her.

"So its not about the job, its just that you aren't sure you don't want to take the offers on the table." Athena said to him.

"Eddie knows some of it because well I live with him and I plan to marry him but honestly he doesn't know all of it." Buck said to her as he placed a folder down in front of her she glanced at it. "I've been looking at it for months and honestly I'm tempted by it." Buck said to her.

"Hondo doesn't approach many people personally, have you ever fired a gun?" Athena asked.

"I was a cowboy for a while Athena so yes I know how to shoot a riffle and despite my boy next door image I do go to the range with Eddie." Buck said to her.

"That's how he saw you." Athena said to him Buck nodded his head. "What is stopping you taking the job?" Athena asked. "Its not the money." She added Buck burst out laughing at this.

"I don't want to let him down." Buck said looking out at Bobby. "Two people in my life I think of as fathers, my dad obviously and Bobby." Buck said to her she smiled brightly at this.

"He'd be touched at you saying that but he'd also call you an idiot if he heard your reasons for not taking the job." Athena said to him.

"How do I tell him I am leaving?" Buck asked her she laughed.

"Honey every one knows this isn't what you want to do with your life." Athena said touching his shoulder. "It seems that the only person who hasn't realised it yet is you." Athena said to him. "Call Hondo and take the job." Athena said to him with a smile before standing up. "Everyone in this fire house will have your back and you know that they will." Athena added before leaving him to his thoughts and the job on the table. "You'd make one hell of a cop." She said as a parting shot.

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"Evan." Eddie said later in the shift as he found his boyfriend on the roof of the fire house looking out over the city. "Everything okay?" Eddie asked him.

"Yeah babe everything is fine." Buck said to him as he came up along side him. "Can I ask you a question?" He asked.

"Of course you can!" Eddie stated with a playful glare.

"If I wanted to take one of the offers could you live with that?" Buck asked.

"Yes Evan I can live with you not being a firefighter." Eddie said to him as he wrapped an arm around his waist. "You are pretty easy for me to read love and I think I've known for a while that you were thinking about the offers on the table." Eddie said to him. "Are you going to call Garcia?" Eddie asked.

"No, I am really not going after serial killers again." Buck said to him Eddie snorted at this. "SWAT." Buck said to him.

"Hondo?" Eddie asked Buck held out the package that had been written for him in mind. "When did they send this?" Eddie asked.

"A day after we got back." Buck said to him Eddie shook his head. "I've been thinking about it ever since." Buck informed him as he drew Eddie into his arms properly wrapping his arms around his boyfriend's waist Eddie was smaller but not by much so Buck rested his chin on the man's shoulder. "Still macho bull crap of rescuing people but something very different entirely." Buck added.

"I think that sounds like your cup of tea." Eddie said to him.

"Just have one other question." Buck said to him.

"What could you have to follow that up with?" Eddie asked.

"Will you marry me?" Buck asked Eddie relaxed into his boyfriends embrace entirely clutching his hands.

"I would love to." Eddie said to him.

-----------------------------------

"Hondo you have a visitor." Street called the next morning. Hondo looked up with a smile.

"Buck I was losing hope of ever getting an answer from you!" Hondo exclaimed.

"Sorry about that, I had to be given a kick up the butt." Buck said as he shook the mans hand. "My answer is yes." Buck said to him.

"Lets go see the commander then, he can celebrate the biggest steal the LAPD has ever made." Hondo said to him.

"Sorry yes to what?" Deaks asked.

"An offer was made for Buckley to join SWAT, specifically this team as a replacement for Luca." Hondo explained.

"You shoot?" Street asked.

"Clearly otherwise why would Hondo have tried to land me?" Buck asked him the others seemed to accept this. "Lets go see the commander." Buck said to Hondo.

------------------------------------------

Bobby and Athena were getting ready for dinner with David and Michael and the kids when the door bell went, Bobby found Buck standing on the door way with a grim smile on his lips and an envelope in his hand. Athena had warned him that he might get some news that he wouldn't like but she hadn't gone any further. She had simply said if and when he needed to know someone would talk to him. He had taken that to mean Buck but seeing the younger man on their doorstep with a letter in his hand he felt his stomach drop as he invited him in and down into the kitchen. Athena looked up and smiled.

"Would you like to join us for dinner?" Athena asked.

"Chris, Eddie and I have reservations at 42 for tonight so I am going to have to say no to that but thank you." Buck said to her she nodded. "They are in the car waiting for me." Buck said as he approached with Bobby she frowned.

"Why didn't they come in?" Michael asked.

"I didn't want to hurt Christopher again today by making him sit through this." Buck said as he offered Bobby the letter. "I'm taking the SWAT offer, I mean I have already taken it. I spoke to the chief this morning to inform him and to give him his copy of that." Buck said to him.

"Buck you've barely been back in the game a couple of days." Bobby said to him. "Give it time." Bobby added.

"No amount of time is going to make this any easier." Buck said to him. "It wasn't spare of the moment, Australia changed me. Finding Max changed me. I was so angry for so long I never even realised it. I let it cloud and occlude my thoughts and the things I wanted to do. I became a firefighter because of my dad. I love the job but its not me anymore. If I do this for the rest of my work life I will have regrets." Buck said to him.

"Go figure." David said.

"This is permanent kid." Athena said to him. "Are you sure?" Athena asked.

"I'm the richest guy in the world you know that." Buck said to her she smiled. "I resigned this morning, then I went and brought Eddie a ring. Its what we are going to celebrate tonight." Buck said to them.

"You proposed?" Bobby asked his eyes bulging at the revelation.

"Yeah the day that we spent most of the shift on the roof talking." Buck said to him. "I'm going to miss being a firefighter but they always say that you know when to walk away. This my stop." Buck said to him.

"I respect that but you are going to be a huge loss to the station." Bobby said to him.

"I'll still be about, I mean Eddie still works there." Buck said to him. "You should know I've told Alonso his my personal choice to replace me." Buck said to him.

"Great choice." Bobby said to him. "You need to get going?" Bobby asked.

"I'd say thank you cap, but its not nearly enough." Buck said as Bobby embraced him.

Buck left the stunned silence behind, Bobby and Athena one of who had known it might happen but still had been sad for her husband. "This was what you were warning me about wasn't it?" Bobby asked she nodded. "Athena why the hell didn't you warn me, I could have changed his mind!" He exclaimed angrily.

"Bobby if you had asked him to stay he would have done so and he would have hated you for it." Athena said to him. "He needed you to let him go." She informed him with a shake of her.

"SWAT, Athena one type of danger for another." Bobby said to her.

"You get that he has stared down serial killers and beaten the system right." Athena said to her husband.

"I... I wasn't ready to stop fighting for him." Bobby said to her.

"Honey he wasn't looking for someone to look after him, he needed you to do what you did which was let him walk out of the door on his own terms. Buck doesn't need coddling that was the mistake we made at the beginning. Maybe if he had had the right guidance he'd be doing something important to him that isn't filled with ghosts." Athena said to him.

"What kind of ghosts?" David asked.

"9/11 his dad survived the south tower and a lot of the people he knew from the fire house didn't. He has lost more friends and people who he considered family since that day as well." Athena said to him. "Buck was never meant to be a firefighter, it just took him a while to realise it." Athena explained.

------------------------------------------

Hen looked up as Eddie walked in with his uniform on the next shift.

"Buck oversleep?" Hen asked.

"No Buck he had somewhere else to be this morning." Eddie said to her. "In fact he just dropped Christopher of at school before he goes for his first classes." Eddie said to her.

"Another degree?" Chim asked.

"Not exactly." Bobby said to them. "Buck no longer works for the fire department." Bobby said to them from the expression on Eddie's face this wasn't news to him.

"What does that mean?" Hen asked. "And please don't tell me I get the office back." Hen said to him.

"No that is Eddie if he wants it." Bobby said to her. "Buck hand picked his replacement and the chief was happy to fulfil that request." Bobby informed them.

"I'm taking the job." Eddie informed him.

"How has Owen taken it?" Hen asked.

"He flew in to speak to Buck in person." Eddie said to her. "He was shocked more that Buck didn't discuss it with him or TK before he spoke to the brass." Eddie informed them. "I have another thing to tell you, we are having a party at the house this weekend." Eddie said to them.

"Why?" Ravi asked.

"Our engagement party." Eddie said to them.

Chapter 28: Junior year and what it meant. (Part 1)

Chapter Text

Junior year of college

The game of there lives that's what it should have been, he feels it the moment he lands. The scream of pain ripping through his lips like nothing he has ever felt or heard before. He had over extended during the drive and collided with another player. He'd known the moment he had hit the deck that something was badly wrong with his knee. He wasn't aware of the rest of the team or the medical team that rushed onto the field and to his aid. He felt someone touching his wrist looking over at the team doctor the main gave him a weak smile.

"Any back pain or neck pain?" Marty the physio asks him Buck shakes his head as someone helps him get his helmet and mouth guard off and out. "Just the knee it seems." He said to the doc who was feeling around the injury. He must have passed out because when he came to someone was shining a light in his eyes which he tried to slap away. "Welcome back." Marty said to him as he handed him the gas and air nozzle. "Deep breaths in and out on that, this isn't going to be fun but we need to stabilise that knee before we get you off the field." Marty said to him Buck nodded closing his eyes he turned his head and bit into the mouth guard as the medical team did there work. He had no idea how long he'd been down or how long in fact they'd been working on him. It seemed forever before he heard the medical staff asking for help getting him on to the stretcher. He felt a hand on his and looked down to see Luke was holding it and squeezing it mouthing the words I love you so coach didn't hear them talking. Buck squeezed back before closing his eyes again and felt himself being lifted and positioned before being belted in.

----------------

It seemed like forever and a day the ride to the hospital followed by the scans with only Marty for company from the team and Jen who had followed them to the hospital. If Luke wasn't there to keep an eye on him then Jen always was. A family away from home, away from the strands. It was about four hours after the game when Luke joined them. Marty and Jen gave them both looks before giving them their privacy.

"Do they know anything yet?" Luke asked him as he leaned down to kiss his long time though these days somewhat dista t boyfriend. They'd been more like friends with benefits since the two came back after summer break. There was less a pang of sadness in their chests and more just the acceptance that their relationship as a couple and or as friends was evolving. They still said with regularity that they loved each other and you never really saw one without the other but time changes things and both could say that they were happy at least.

"My knee, probably my ACL but who knows. Nothing broken at least." Buck said to him Luke sat on the edge of the bed in line with Buck's chest taking the man's hand Buck smiled at him. "It's not your fault Lucy's, it just happened." Buck said rubbing circles into the man's hand his best friend looked down at their joined hands before lifting Buck's to press a feather light kiss to his palm. It was one of the rare moments that was witnessed by others outside their circle of trust that went unreported. Marty looked sharply at Jen, he had been under the impression that the relationship the two men had been engaged in had ended last year after a meeting with the coaching staff, specifically the head coach. Clearly they had all been wrong and the two men had become more discreet. Unlike some on the team he did not care what they got up to, the coach however did not need nor did he want this kind of disruption going on around his team.

They re-entered the room with a cough making the couple look up surprise etched into their faces. The two interlopers looked embarrassed to interrupt a private moment between the couple.

"I guess you two had everyone fooled." Marty said to them. "I didn't get you anything in case they want to do surgery tonight." Marty said to Buck who nodded his head as Marty handed Luke a cup with coffee in it. "I spoke to Alisha to find out whether your parents had been called. Owen was watching the game so we can expect them sometime tomorrow." He explained. "Rest of the team should be dropping by tomorrow as well." He added at the unasked question from the two of them. "Luke you are expected back tonight." He informed the QB.

---------------

Modern day

"What you watching Street?" Hondo asked.

"Someone created a video about the probie." Jim said to him as he turned the laptop to face Hondo. "Seems since his five minute of fame all people want to do is discuss what is next for Evan Buckley." Street explained. "That is him in the #19 shirt." Street said as Buck came into view his helmet off his hair tussled and his face covered in sweet and grime.

"He was a hell of a running back." Hondo admitted. He like everyone else who wanted Evan Buckley in there department had done there research. Long before law enforcement were clambering to hire him, he'd been more than just a mere prospect on the football field. Like Bobby Nash had said, it had been a damn Greek tragedy the night that had effectively ended Evan Buckleys football career.

"He could have played on right?" Street asked.

"Could have for sure." Buck said as he walked over and laughed. "I was sore that night, could have killed Luke." Buck said with a bright smile. The two other man gaped at him. "I had a very active sex life." Buck said to him.

"What is he like?" Chris asked.

"Next time he is in town I'll introduce you." Buck said with a smile. "I forget moments like this, we were young hung and full of cum back then. Every girl we could ever ask for after us, never had the heart to tell them that the qb and rb only had eyes for each other." Buck said as reached out and touched the screen where he could just see Luke heading towards his younger self.

"Max changed a lot of it!" Hondo stated.

"I used him as an excuse for a long time, honestly I changed most of it. I was never happier than when I was on the field in those days but I had money, I didn't need football like Luke did." Buck explained. "It was like a class a drug, football back then it was made me breath in and out. The illegal fight club was where I got to take my anger out on people." Buck said to him.

"How much does Eddie know?" Deak asked.

"At this point all of what I know but there are some blank spots in my memory of those years." Buck admitted. "Mostly by my own choice, I choose to not remember the darkest of days." Buck said to them. "Luke was the person who brought me out of the darkness, he was the first person I really trusted after Max. He'd put up with my sh*t then slap me back into the head space I needed not the head space filled with ghosts." Buck explained.

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Day after the game

Gwyn, Owen and Tyler arrived late afternoon the following day to see their son/brother sleeping with his leg elevated off the bed slightly. Luke looked up and smiled, "Hey, he is a little out of it right now." Luke said to them.

"How is the leg?" Owen asked.

"Worse than we first thought but not as bad as it could have been. He was lucky." Luke said his hand was still holding Buck and when he went to get up so they could sit down Owen placed a hand on the younger man's shoulder.

"Seems to me that he has who he wants holding his hand right now." Owen said to him Luke looked down at his sleeping boyfriend and smiled using his free hand to push some of the hair covering Buck's eyes out of the way. Owen smiled at the tenderness shown.

Chapter 29: Somebody That I Used To Know! "Junior year part 2"

Chapter Text

The fire house was a busy place but as of late it felt empty for most of the 118, Evan Buckley had a new job and a new team. Of course for those who knew him that meant they missed him and the fire house seemed to feel the same way. Eddie who got to see him practically every day of the week didn't have this issue but he did miss his partners insane schemes on rescues. Ravi just wasn't the same.

"Hey Lt. We got guests." Hen called to him. Eddie pulled himself out from underneath the truck to see who it was before getting to his feet.

"Lt. Diaz can I help you folks." Eddie asked them.

"We're looking for our son." Philip said to him. "Evan he works here." Philip said if Eddie had been anyone else he'd have been staggered by this revelation. Buck did not have photos of his donors. He had no wish to be reminded of the people who had abandoned him. The two people in front of him were a non starter as conversations went. If they came up in conversation but would call them donors.

"If you're talking about Evan Strand he hasn't worked here for sometime." Eddie said to them getting glares.

"He has been fired?" Philip snarled.

"I knew that good for nothing waste of oxygen was no good." Maragret snapped angrily. Eddie like the others were taken a back by this however the death glare boring into the backs of the couple that was coming for the SWAT team and Athena not to mention the look of pure unadulterated hatred coming from their biological son told them Eddie wasn't going to need to respond.

"Nice to know you two don't change." Buck said from behind them. "Maragret, Philip how nice to see you after twenty years." Buck's tone of voice was ice cold and devoid of any kind of emotion. Athena wondered in that moment if Thomas Rosicky had seen that side of Buck in an interrogation room. She almost felt sorry for the couple in question but that was nothing compared to the apathy that she had for these two and the disgust she felt when she thought of the damage they had done to her son.

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Junior year

Evan had made the trip home to Hershey, the town seem a lot smaller than he remember. Though it might have been because the last time he had been here he'd been little more than a small child. Expected to act like an adult by people who refused to look after his basic needs as parents were meant to. His leg in its brace he limped up the long drive to the front door he remembered slamming shut so violently the last time he had left this house. Of the happy memories he had of him and Maddie playing in the backyard or learning to ride his bike in front of the house. It had been snowing and it was bitterly cold but it did not deter him from making the trip anyway. At the door he rung the bell before settling back on his crutches. He knew from the car on the drive that they were in at least.

It took sometime but an older man he knew to be his father open the door all smiles with a glass of whiskey in his hand.

"Hello Evan this is a surprise." Philip said to him. Evan smiled at the man. No point in being angry they had done him a favour by giving him to his and Tyler's parents to be raised. All he wanted now wassome truths. Some peace of mind. "Why don't you come in." He said opening the door wide for Evan who awkwardly clunker into the house. Being shown into the living room where his mother sat watching the sports cast. Evan was shocked to see his teams colours above the fire place. He wasn't sure why they would be proud of that, they had never encouraged him to do anything in the small amount of time he had lived here. He drank in the room and how it looked, the photos of his sister on display along with the photos of a boy he didn't know. There were of course no photos of him and why would there be. To them he would always be the mistake, he thought to himself.

"Margaret, Evan has come to visit." Philip said to his wife as he helped Evan into the recliner noting at least that Evan would struggle to get out of anything else.

"I don't know why." Margaret sniped.

"I think you know exactly why I've come." Evan said to her as he sat forward. "Growing up you came across as many things, callous, cold, calculating and manipulative but a fool wasn't ever on that list." Evan said finally the woman loomed at him with unadulterated hatred in her eyes he smiled. "And there is that look again, always the perfect mother in public but you reserved that look for private didn't you Maragret." Evan said to her.

"You are a failure and a disgrace to our family name." Margaret snapped at him Buck smirked at her. "You were never good enough, you should died not him. You are nothing, you mean nothing and you will never be anything in this house." Maragret snarled out at her youngest son.

"I mean something to someone in this house, Notre Dame isn't exactly a short walk from here mother." Evan said to her. "I'd like to know what I did that made you hate me so much then I am gone I will never darken your doorstep again. I want nothing from you and I ask nothing in return from you after today. So if you have an explanation I'd love to hear it, because it's the only chance you are going to have at this." Evan explained to them.

"You lived." Philip said it so quietly and pointed at the photo on the mantel of the blond boy. "He didn't, the wrong son lived." He finished.

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"Evan so you are a good for nothing failure in your job as well as a Human." Margaret sneered as she turned.

Buck held up a hand to the others who were about to retort in his defense.

"Let her spit out her hate, she has nothing to say that I want to hear. I have no idea why after twenty years you think your words still have meaning to me lady but let's hear them. It's not like you have a squad of heavily armed police officers ready to make your life a living hell. So if you think about physically attacking me as you did the last time that I saw you. Just remember attacking a police officer means going to jail and child abusers don't do well in those." Buck said to them as he brought himself to his fall height his hand on his gun holster to make a point. Hondo was stunned first by the vile hatred in this woman's voice for a child she barely knew and by just how detached Buck was from said pain. Whatever this woman had done to Buck in the past it still had meaning but Buck was far less effected by it than the older couple seemed to think he should be.

Chapter 30: Cards on the table

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"You were fired!" His father snarled Buck raised an eye brow at the old man. Building full of people and this is how he wanted to do this with umpteen witnesses.

"You know I think I'm going to call Owen and get some pop corn." Athena said Buck however had his eyes firmly on the idiot in front of him and the idiots wife was being covered by everyone else. "Speak you little sh*t, not only are you a failure in being a brother, you can't even keep a job." Philip screamed at him spittle flying Buck tilted his head to one side with a bored expression on his face.

"What do you want Philip?" Buck asked coldly. "Is it to come in here and Lord over all these people how much better you and that bitch next to you think you are than they are. Do you think after twenty years that your words have any meaning to the man you abandoned as a child?" Buck asked him he saw the hand coming his way and side stepped it grabbing the arm he spun Margret around going for his cuffs on his back as Athena grabbed Philip.

"What do you think you are doing?" Margret snarled.

"I would have thought that was obvious, I'm arresting you for public order offences and assault." Buck said as he snapped one cuff in place tight bringing the other arm around he locked that in place. "Given I don't give a flying f*ck what you have to say right now, how about I read your rights and then you do us all a favour and keep that cake hole shut?" Buck said as he and Athena stalked out of the fire house with the pair in cuffs.

"What did he do?" Buck asked as he pushed down on Margaret's head to get her in the back of the cruiser.

"He went to go for you and then actually took a swing at me when I stopped him." Athena said as she put the man in question in the other side of the cruiser both slammed the doors shut on the vile words being screamed at them.

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Jim Street and Hondo watched as Buck stepped into the interrogation room and sat down in front of Philip, their was that smile again as he identified himself and then asked Philip who was currently roaring with rage and words spewing out of his mouth filled with hate. The lawyer was looking at his client as if he had lost what was left of his mind.

"Mr. Buckley for the record please state your name and confirm that you have been read your miranda rights." Buck said in the other room more firmly.

"You know Hondoni think I see why the FBI wanted him so badly." Jim said to his friend.

"Thomas Rosicky and DeMarco are the main reasons." Hondo said to him. "Evan Buckley was on everyone's wanted list. On both coasts of the United States." Hondo explained. He'd been surprised that Buck had taken his offer. He knew money was not the motivation behind Buck's decisions he'd taken a step back in career path to take the job and start almost from scratch degrees and experience not with standing. There was a knock on the door it opened briefly and four people stepped in.

"Bradford what do you need?" Hondo asked.

"We heard about the golden retriever interviewing and wanted to show the probies what that was going to look like." Tim replied Hondo chuckled. "This is what it looks like when you are the darling of the department about to rip.someone to shreds in an interrogation room. I almost feel sorry for the older man. Almost." He said to them Hondo was shaking his head in clear amusem*nt he felt similarly.

"He caught the hike path killer?" The youngest looking probie asked.

"No he broke him, Evan Buckleys first partner is a victim of Thomas Rosicky. Rosicky gave up the burial site of his first victims because Buckley and the BAU got under his skin." Hondo said to him. "He did play an instrumental role in our own serial killer." He added. "Bringing him down anyway." He added. "He was the one to point out it was a cop." Hondo added.

"Rockstar." One exclaimed.

"Michaels, Buckley paid dearly for the skills he has. He wouldn't consider himself a Rockstar!" Bradford said as Athena came back into the room with Coffee for her and Buck sitting down at the table.

"I've heard him speak about it." Jim said to them. "Eddie said that each serial offender takes a bit of their chasers with them. Buck says you can only look evil in the eye so many times before it changes you." Jim added.

"He isn't wrong there." Hondo said to him as he patted the man on the shoulder.

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"Twenty minutes to get a confirmation of his name that's some kind of record." Buck said to Athena who was shaking her head with clear amusem*nt in her life. "I had you for ten minutes of that vile vitriol coming out of your mouth not twenty." Buck said glancing at Philip. "So let's take this from the top, what we're you hoping to achieve today Mr. Buckley?" Buck asked.

"I am your father, you will respect me boy." Philip snarled.

"No Philip, you are my donor. You gave you the right to call me a son when you abandoned at age nine." Buck said to them. "Child abandonment, endangerment a number of other things to when you put me in the back of a cab and sent me and my belongings to mom and dad's place." Buck added. "Lucky for you sir the statute of limitations ran out on those charges a long time ago, my bank balance however hasn't." Buck said to him.

"You f*cking stole from.us." Philip snarled.

"Well we know that's not true given that you set up the trust fund and pumped it full of montley for years." Athena said to him. "You remember that right?" She asked.

"He embezzled millions ans you are taking his side." The lawyer asked incredulously.

"Sir he did no such thing." Athena snapped at the lawyer.

"Now we know why you're here don't we, Hondo you want to take a crack at this piece of filth." Buck called as he excused himself from the interview. The tape stopped and he looked down at the man that had given him life. "I should be angry at you dad but honestly I haven't got any room left for it or you in my heart. You and that woman disgust me, you are a disgrace and a shame on the families legacy. Dad was right, you use Daniel as an excuse to be the assholes that you are. Maddie enabled you, I won't do that. I'm pressing charges against Margaret, I'm sure Athena will do the same. If she doesn't, go home and never come looking for me or any grandchild you think you may have an entitlement to see. You are nothing, you cease to exist to me the moment I walk out that door. For all your filth and loathing of me I am not the one in cuffs in a police station and never have been." Buck said as he got to his feet Hondo coughed Buck looked at him before standing up rigidly and stalking out of the interrogation room. Buck barely looked at Athena before he left the room but his words had hit the mark as they were intended to do.

"All the smarts that man has and you and your wife see him as a failure. What would it take for that to change. He caught a serial killer as a firefighter. That man has literally ran through the fires of hell daily for the lives of us. He doesn't have a selfish bone in his body, yet all you see and do is blame him for the death of a child you created him to cure. How is it his fault that Daniel was to sick for it to work at that point?" Athena demanded Philip wouldn't look at her so she slammed her hand down on the table making everyone in the room flinched. "I asked you a question Mr. Buckley and I would like an answer to it, see he may be way to far beyond caring about why you behave the way you do towards him but the rest of us would like to understand why?" Athena asked him again Philip looked up at her and spat fully in her face.

"He murdered our Daniel, he doesn't deserve to be alive." Philip said to her as she wiped her face Hondo added to the list of charges as Athena got up and excused herself Tim Bradford stepped into the room as she walked out slamming the door behind her.

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"Nothing they do surprises me any more Athena." Buck said to his friend. "I'm sorry he spat at you." Buck added as they stood outside coffee cups in hand.

"You know what they said is bullsh*t." Athena said to him.

"I've barely spoken more than ten words to them in the last ten years. I couldn't careless what they think or want. Dad has all the documentation that they set up for the trust fund which he and mom emailed over after I called. Why would I steal from them? Why the f*ck would they be stupid enough to accuse a cop of that." Buck asked.

"I honestly don't know." Athena said having seen the paperwork. "Does Eddie know exactly what your hiding money wise?" Athena asked. "Or that you set up a trust for Chris? Athena added Buck shook his head.

"I always thought I would die young." Buck said to her she nodded. "I have provisions for all the kids in my life that mean something to me in my will. Lily gets most of it." Buck explained. "When the twins are born it will be split for the most part between the three of them." Buck added.

"Twins, Jen is." Athena started.

"We found out a couple of weeks ago, you're the first outside of family to know." Buck explained. "Some new fangled technology means that they'll have mine and Eddie's DNA rather than min and Jen's you don't want to know about cost." Buck said to her but she'd thrown her arms around him and hugged him hard.

"Congratulations Evan." Athena said as Hondo and Street stepped out of the station and headed there way.

"Turns out Philip availed himself of the family lawyer." Street said to him.

"Sounds about right." Buck said.

"The family lawyer put a stop to his interview and asked us to wait for a compus mentos person could look after his rights. It seems that Philip Buckley has been battling dementia for a couple of years Margaret has become more unstable as time has gone on and Philip has gotten worse." Hondo said to him Buck sighed as he ran a hand through his hair. "Looks like your not going to get the answers beyond what you already know from these people." Hondo said to him.

"I don't need them Hondo, I have all the family I need." Buck said finally closing his eyes. "I need a few minutes alone I need to place a call and I don't think this one is going to be easy." Buck said to them.

Chapter 31: Put The Past To Bed!

Chapter Text

Evan Buckley stepped into the custody suite nodding at the Sergeant behind the counter he headed back to Margaret's cell with a female officer on guard she smiled. "Thanks Foster I appreciate the heads up that they are going to be released." Buck said with a smile the blond woman smiled back as she stepped back Buck stepped up to the glassed cell door to see the woman who had given birth to him sat looking as defeated as it possible to look. "Does Maddie know he is ill?" Buck asked after a slight cough the woman looked up in surprise at his voice. He'd not seen her since she had been arrested.

"Why would she know of our shame?" She sneered at him.

"It's shameful to have dementia now?" Buck asked her incredulously. "Honestly you two are a comedy double act with this sh*t. His dying slowly, how many more times will she have before he doesn't recognise her?" He asked her. "She has a right to know, like I had a right to know about Daniel and the reason why you treated me like sh*t when I lived with you. I really hope you have a better answer than the one you gave me mom. Because if you don't, when you do meet up with him in the next life. He is not going to be happy." Buck said to her he leant against the wall opposite her cell she was glaring at him.

"How dare you bring him into this you killed him." She roared at him Buck sighed.

"Leukemia did that, sometimes miracles don't happen in medicine. I think at some point you were decent people but lord knows haven't been that for a long time. You're going to be escorted to the airport and put on a plane. Don't come back here again, your brother Owen and his ex wife are the only parents I acknowledge as having raised me. You mean nothing to me, Maddie has her life in order now no thanks to you and her father. Don't spoil that for her." Buck said as he pushed himself off the wall. "You should know that in a few months the grandchildren you will never meet will be born, Lily will never know you either thank god." Buck said to her as he walked away he heard her begging him to come back. Straightening his back as he finally broke the hard bitch facade of his mother he walked out of the cell block to find Hondo standing there waiting.

"I had my doubts about whether that was a good idea." Hondo said as he embraced Buck.

"Told her never to come back here and about her three grandchildren she will never meet." Buck said as they walked down the hall towards the SWAT facilities. "I found it strangely cathartic to be able to say that I am done with them, that I wash my hands of them. I had hoped I would get some answers, now closure is fine." Buck added as they arrived at their lockers.

"Evan James you best be feeling good about yourself." He heard a familiar voice call as he came round the lockers. "A little birdie named Christopher called me and said you might need me." Lucas said as Buck wrapped his arms around his best friend in a hug that felt so amazing. He allowed himself to bask in the moment until he felt a tap on his leg looking down he grinned.

"Hey B, look at you've grown." Buck said to him as he picked up his youngest godson and hugged him tightly finally letting the tears fall as he was surrounded by the family he chose. Closing his eyes tightly he hugged even harder kissing the little boys cheek.

"I'm glad I didn't get that treatment." Isaac the eldest said to him with a huff as he blew his bangs out of his eyes and smiled at Evan.

"Oh I think I have enough in me for another." Buck said as he set the small boy down and opened his arms for Isaac who walked into his waiting arms and snuggled into him. "Isaac my belt is not that comfortable." Buck said with a grin as he wiped his eyes dry.

"Get out of here for the day, we'll call if we need you." He added.

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"Chris is going to be so jealous." Eddie said as he sat down at the table with the rest of the fire house for lunch.

"Why?" Athena asked.

"Lucas and the boys flew in to surprise Evan." Eddie added holding up a pic on his phone of the four of them at the pier eating ice cream. "I'm a little envious if I'm honest." Eddie added.

"Did Luke stay in contact?" Bobby asked.

"You think I had a choice." Lucas asked as the four of them came up the stairs. "Christopher is quite persuasive when he wants to be for his Bucky." Lucas added Buck blushed as he crossed the room with Brody on his hip.

"Here have a present so I can get some feeling back in my arm." Buck said handing Eddie Brody who sighed as his head exchanged one shoulder for another and slept on relentless. "I wish I could still do that." Buck said as Eddie snorted. "Guys this is Brody our sleeping beauty and his big brother Isaac." Buck added as Isaac perched on the end of his knee looking at the rest of the fire house nervously.

"Would you guys like some food?" Bobby asked.

"We would love some of auntie Thena's speciality." Buck said the woman chuckled as she offered Isaac a plate he nodded until Buck nudged him.

"Please Auntie Thena." Isaac said making several of the people at the table his father included chuckle.

"So Athena tells me you let our secret out of the bag." Eddie teased Buck blushed ducking his head embarrassed. "I thought the BBQ was going to be our Nesam Dorma." Eddie teased Buck who burst out laughing at this.

"You really have to work on your metaphors." Buck informed him.

"Oh what news?" Hen asked.

"Jen is pregnant." Buck said to his friend.

"Mazel tov brother." Lucas exclaimed at this and Buck smiled. "Jen said you guys were trying, after all Lily needs siblings." He added.

"Oh the twins will be coming home here with us." Eddie said to him.

"Twins." Bobby said Buck nodded.

"We've known for a little while but we wanted to keep it under wraps until the first trimester was done and dusted." Buck explained. "My boys are going to have cousins to play with." Buck said as he ran his fingers through Isaac's hair.

"Uncle Evan." Isaac groaned as he slapped at Buck's hand. "Stop." He said trying to grab the hand.

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"So..." Maddie started as they sat on the couch watching the kids play. "Mom and dad left town this afternoon." Madde informed him.

"I'm aware." Buck said in reply.

"Evan whether you want to acknowledge them or not they are your parents." Maddie snapped she'd been seeing how cold he was towards their presence for days and it disturbed her that he could he that cold towards them. Buck slammed his hand down on the arm of the chair he was in his anger getting the better of him as the kids took notice of the sudden change in the atmosphere in the house.

"Damn it Maddie, I am not the one responsible for what they have become. They chose this path and thank f*ck they did, when I was nine years old and dumped me on mom and dad's front door step. You were not the one subjected to emotional and physical abuse because you survived and their precious eldest son didn't. I used to wonder what could I have possibly done to deserve that much hate from people who are mean to love me unconditionally." Buck snarled his way. "I spent my teen years being reminded of the fact that I deserved the affections and love of my parents just as much Tyler." Buck ground out. "I lost the love of my life at eighteen and spent the next decade trying to find him and bring him home, where were you through that. Where were they during that. The people that saved me, Jen, Luca, my parents, Tyler. They all showed up and made sure I got up in the morning. Where were you when the crippling depression and anxiety reared its ugly head. Where were they? You turn up when things are good but you have never been there when they aren't." Buck said getting to his feet he headed away from the the sofa. Leaving his sister in tears. Lucas dropped down onto the sofa next to her.

"I'm sorry it came out the way it did but that has been a long time coming." Lucas said to her. "He loves you but when it comes to your parents you have a pair of rose tinted spectacles on. He was a shadow of the man he is now after Max. Constantly eyeing people up like they might know what happened and why. Then they caught Rosicky and he wouldn't give up Max's last resting place. Buck has been chasing ghosts or been chased by the memories of Daniel all of his life and your parents are responsible for a good portion of that." He finished.

"He loves you." Maddie said to him finally looking at him tears streaming down her face.

"As I do him. It's not hard to love Evan." Lucas said. "If you want an actual relationship with your brother then you need to stop bringing up his donors and expecting compassion from him towards them. He owes them nothing and he needs to stop allowing them to dictate his life." He added.

"GOD DAMN IT EDDIE, WHY DID YOU INVITE HER HERE. SHE AND MY f*ckINGG DONORS HAVE TAKEN ENOUGH OUT OF ME FOR ONE LIFE TIME." Buck's voice reached them through the patio doors as his rage and pain radiated through his words. "THEY ARE THE REASON I WALK THROUGH FIRE EACH DAY BECAUSE NOTHING I HAVE EVER DONE HAS BEEN GOOD ENOUGH FOR THEM." Buck's voice broke at the end of his tirade the kids all looked startled at the anger from everyone's favourite Teddy bear. It was however Isaac who responded going to his favourite uncle, Lucas got up and followed his son out on to the patio to find Buck and Eddie standing of at one another neither really angry any more but more sadness eeked out of their bones. Maddie was standing in the door way.

"Honey I think he'd like some space." Athena said resting her hand on her friends shoulder. "Give him some time to calm down and cool off. Your parents said some very unpleasant things. This is not the time or place to try and have a civil conversation about them with him." She added.

Chapter 32: Beginnings of a Road Trip

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"So is he mad at you for losing your sh*t?" Lucas asked Buck as they sat on the porch drinking whiskey.

"Pissed more at Maddie than he is at me, something about understanding why I was upset." Buck said to him Lucas laughed at this. "Yeah I'm pretty sure he is going to need a while before he allows her back in this house." Buck said to him. "Not that I can blame him." Buck said to his friend.

"You know his right, TK is closer family to you than she has been in a very long time." Lucas said to him Buck sighed looking at his friend with a sad smile.

"I had hoped to repair our relationship but honestly I can barely tolerate that she keeps taking their side in everything." Buck explained. "They are parents and I get that, but they haven't been mine for a very long time." Buck said to him. "I can excuse their morning of a child for some of it early on but years of neglect taught me that having faith in them leads to heart break." Buck said as he downed his glass and made for the bottle again. "I made a promise at his grave site the day we finally buried him, to him that I would try to stop living in the past. That the present and the future I have with Eddie mean more to me than the ghosts of a past that has haunted me for decades." Buck said as he refilled his glass and offered the bottle to Lucas who topped his own up.

"Being a dad changes things." Lucas said to him.

"Yeah it sure it does, I gained an almost teenage son sometime ago you might have missed that." Buck said to him.

"You ever worry about that?" Lucas asked.

"Every day, I remember how difficult I was at that age." Buck said to him. "I also remember how difficult you were at that age." Buck said to him.

"You ever wonder what might have been if we had fought for each other back then?" Lucas asked.

"Well yeah in the early days I thought about it. Then you gave me god sons, I stopped thinking about that could have been a long time ago." Buck said to him Lucas smiled at this. "Who you are today, what you have become today is because of what we started all those years ago. You have the love of a wonderful woman even if you don't deserve her." Buck said to him he laughed at this.

"We're getting a divorce." Lucas said to him. "Our dalliances with others should be in the public eye sometime tomorrow." Lucas said to him.

"Yours you mean?" Buck said to him Lucas shook his head.

"She's been sleeping with and is pregnant with my body mans baby." Lucas said to him. "I'd be mad but honestly we both knew some day that this would be what would happen. We'd meet people we loved in a more than platonic way than we love each other. I'm angry sure but mostly just sad that the press knew before I did." Lucas added. "Legally speaking the boys live with me, we've had that protection in place for them since well before news broke of you and I. But we had it all writ up after that so I guess its been going on at least that long." Lucas added.

"And you, are you seeing anyone?" Eddie asked as he stepped out onto the porch.

"No, every body I have tried to date or sleep with has an issue with dating a gay quarterback in the NFL who happens to be married." Lucas said to him.

"Well you made some mistakes there." Eddie said to him. "Being married and dating someone else." Eddie added.

"Technically." Buck started Eddie stopped him with a look. "Okay then." Buck said to him Eddie laughed.

Buck's phone buzzed with an alert taking it out he glanced at his phone and sighed. "Sorry to break this up but I'm going to need some coffee, Hondo is on his way to pick me up." Buck said to them.

"What is going on?" Eddie asked.

"No idea." Buck said as he re-entered the house shutting the door behind him.

"You want to warn me off?" Lucas asked.

"I'm not worried about Buck sleeping with you Lucas." Eddie said to him. "If I felt the need to warn you off then I would not trust him enough to marry him let alone have children with him." Eddie said to him. "His over you." Eddie added.

"That much I know for sure Eddie." Lucas said to him.

"Its okay to still be in love with him, I know he is with you." Eddie said to him. "The way I sometimes see him look at you is the way I look at him and the way I am told he looks at me when I am not looking." Eddie said to him.

"What a mess." Lucas said to him.

"That's love for you." Buck said as he came back out with a coffee cup and his side holster on. "Eddie if you are worried I'm about to run off and marry my best friend. I could have done that when we were twenty. Hell we were in Vegas at the time. It would have been very easy to get married." Buck said to him Lucas burst out laughing at this. "For the record though, I don't just look at you like that when you aren't looking. You just don't see it the way others do." Buck added with a shake of his head. "I have to run, I'm assuming my house is going to be inundated with press in the morning, so breakfast is on you Luke." Buck said as he downed his coffee. "Stay as long as you and the boys need, if you need somewhere else to stay I still have my place in the city." Buck added as the doorbell rang.

"I don't want to make problems for you both." Lucas said to him.

"You already have but its okay we forgive you." Buck said as he walked back into the house opening the door for Hondo. "Hey Hondo." Buck said to him. "In the instance of fairness I've been drinking." Buck said to him.

"Its fine, we are flying out to Austin right now so lets go." Hondo said to him.

"Hey fiance mine." Eddie called Buck turned to look at him. "Come back in one piece." Eddie said to him.

"Always lover boy, play nice with the press in the morning." Buck said to him as he walked over and kissed him on the lips. "I love you both." Buck added grasping the other mans cheek gently. "Let him know that when he wakes up and freaks out when I left." Buck said to him.

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"Press?" Street asked as they got on the plane with their gear.

"Yeap, appears that they are splitting up because she's pregnant with someone else's child. Luke's body man." Buck said to them they gaped at this.

"Damn that seems harsh." Tan said to him.

"The price of being in an open relationship." Buck said to him. "She knew when she married him pretty much that Luke was gay." Buck said to him. "It was one of the best kept secrets in the NFl and the college that he had a leaning towards men. We kid ourselves into thinking that we were discreet. That it stayed secret for so long is amazing." Buck said to them.

"Why did you keep it a secret?" Chris asked.

"You never done something to protect the man you love Chris?" Buck asked her she nodded. "There was a time I would have done anything for Lucas had he asked. I'd still do a lot for him if he asked me for help even now. Its the promise a lover makes to the person they are involved with. I introduced them to each other, then I watched as they grew to love each other in a way that at the time I couldn't love him." Buck said to her.

"Rosicky." Tan said to him.

"No, Rosicky took a lot from me but my ability to love that was mostly the donors." Buck informed him. "Lucas helped me realise that it was okay to love again, to open my heart to the idea. And yes I was in love with him, maybe even still am but I was closed off to the idea of spending the rest of my life with him. Good thing to, I'd hate to think what Eddie would do without me. Starve likely the man cannot cook." Buck added with a chuckle.

"So what he is hiding out with you and Eddie?" Street asked.

"He knows that they are safe with us. That I have rules for press engagement with my family." Buck said to them. "Besides we are family." Buck said to him. "So now you know the big secret before it hits the press. What do we have that needs us to head to Austin?" Buck asked.

"We've got a drug problem." Hondo said to him.

"No sh*t really, we have a drug problem in LA?" Buck asked with a wry smile on his lips.

"Seems that one of our targets is currently in Austin with a lot of fire power and a lot of drugs. We asked to be involved in the bust, him getting busted here by Austin cops would likely mean he escapes the consequences of the death toll he has in LA." Hondo said as he handed Buck a docket and the rest of the team took theirs out. "Salazar Diego Ramirez." Hondo said to him.

"This guys a damn ghost in LA!" Buck said to him. "Why here and why now?" Buck asked.

"We believe that the cartels are attempting to make contact with him in a city that has less heat in it for him than LA!" Hondo said to him. "This would be a huge take down for us." Hondo said to him.

"We want him alive?" Buck asked.

"If possible." Hondo said to him. "Up for your first major take down Evan." Hondo asked.

"Its Buck and sure." Buck said to him. "I mean what could possibly go wrong." Buck asked him.

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{LA}

"So he just left in the middle of the night?" Athena asked Eddie as she and Bobby joined them and the kids for breakfast.

"Hondo picked him up and said something about Austin." Eddie said to her.

"For them to cross state lines something big is in the works." Athena said to him with a smile. "You know you don't have to worry about Buck." Athena said to him.

"You're kidding right?" Lucas asked her with a smile. "I've known him for years longer than any of you and I know that mans a danger magnet just like his brother and father." Lucas said to them making the room laugh. "Buck knows what he is doing, you just have to have faith his dumb enough not to die." Lucas explained.

"You understand his a cop right." Athena said to him.

"I understand better than you do, that he will make his own choices and very few things you can do or say are likely to change his mind." Lucas said to them. "Its why you love him, once he has set a course he doesn't change it." Lucas added.

Chapter 33: Austin Revelations

Chapter Text

"I thought that LA was hot." Tan said to him with a shake of his head as they came down the plane steps.

"I prefer Australia for the record." Buck said to him as they reached the bottom they were met by the locals and the FBI. "JJ this is a surprise." Buck said as he hugged the woman he'd met not son long ago chasing another nightmare.

"Likewise Evan, we were called in because this has all the signs of a serial offender who also has a drug problem." JJ explained.

"Kid you want to introduce us?" Hondo asked.

"Right sorry, Hondo, guys this is JJ she's part of the BAU at Quantico, must mean that the rest of the gang are here somewhere. Is Garcia here?" He asked the woman chuckled as the rest of the team introduced themselves.

"I always wondered what you would look like with a gun Evan." JJ teased.

"They had better guns." Buck said to her he couldn't help the smile that graced his lips. "Plus I mean what a head f*ck." Buck said pointing at Hondo. "I couldn't resist finding out how much like Derek he was." Buck said to her she nodded her head. They were soon in the back of a SWAT bus loaned to them by the city of Austin as Buck took the offered folder from JJ. He was reading while the rest of them talked and looked curiously at the man that had recently joined them as a member of the team. "Kid you want to tell me what is in that file?" Hondo asked him Buck looked up.

"Your guys a real piece of work." Buck said to him finally. "His a cartel man for sure but he has a tasted for women and he doesn't much care for whether or not they have a pulse. This guy is one hell of a demon in human disguise." Buck said as he flicked through the photo's. 12 confirmed victims here in the US, probably five times that many in Mexico. The Mexican's want him as badly as we do but we aren't taking this guy alive, he knows if we don't kill him they will. The cartel think he is a liability am I wrong?" Buck asked.

"$5 million dollar bounty on this guys head and another one hundred thousand on the heads of each of the men he has with him. All paid for by the cartels. What we have here is a bunch of people in the country all on the hunt for one man and his team. The cocaine he has with him is also a price. We think he may have as much as a hundred kilos of cocaine with him in some kind of warehouse or van or something big enough. The street value of which would be enough to make some low life scum bags very very rich and propel them to the top off the food chain. We have two aims bring this guy and his men in alive, three actually, kill him and his team before they kill us or get the drugs before someone else does." Buck explained the group whistled.

"How do you know that he won't be taken alive?" Chris asked him.

"We really do not want me to go into that, you will lose your lunch and want to kill me for it." Buck said to her. "Just take my word for it, or have one of them explain it to you when we get where we are going." Buck said to her.

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"You get the feeling he isn't telling us something?" Street asked Hondo.

"Oh he definitely isn't." Reed said to him as he walked up to them. "You really want to know how he knows what he told you?" Reed asked the two of them nodded. "Its in the profile. You have a copy of that profile so do us a favour and read it." Reed said to him. "If you are brave enough to go that far and I strongly suggest you don't." Reed said to him. Jim Street picked up the file and opened it. Hondo and Reed shook their heads, "When you are done and you want to talk the rest of us are here for you." Hondo said to him. Street lost all colour in his face as he read the profile and then looked at the crime scene photo's then lost his lunch in the waste basket Buck was holding in front of him.

"You shouldn't have read that." Buck said to him as he sat down next to him. "Welcome to my nightmare." Buck said to him.

"How do you do it?" Street asked.

"I go to the darkest place I know, its a place we all have or are capable of having and then I put myself in the shoes of the people I am hunting." Buck said to him finally. "That's how I helped catch DeAngelo, that's how I got into the head of Rosicky." Buck said to him. "Someone once told me, that you can only look into the face of evil so many times before it changes you. I went looking for answers to what happened to Max and I found that darkness, I embraced it. That is how I can look at those photos and not lose my lunch. Its how I can study other serial offenders like Gacy and Ridgeway and Bundy, because I've immersed myself in the history of killers like that to learn how they work, what makes them tick and most importantly how to catch them when they don't want to be caught." Buck said to him.

"At what cost?" Street asked.

"They take a piece of you with them." Buck said to him. "Being SWAT its easy, point and shoot where necessary. Catching this kind of offender isn't, it never should be. Because if its to easy, that is a head space you do not want to be in." Buck informed him.

"Have you ever lost yourself?" Street asked.

"After Max yeah I lost myself in anger, I did what ever I needed to do to make that anger disappear even for a little while. I thought it was grief but it wasn't just that James, it was anger. That someone took something so prescious from us so young, it took ten years of getting in his head and begging him for answers to find peace." Buck said to him.

"And when you had them did you find peace?" Hondo asked.

"No." Buck said as he got back to his feet. "No I just found more pain, because then I knew how he died and how long it took and I knew that while we searching for him in the days after he disappeared he was alone and being tortured slowly to death." Buck informed him. "That doesn't bring peace, it never can and it never will. All it does is fill in the missing pieces of the jigsaw you've been trying to complete for a decade. I never told his parents or mine or Eddie or TK the extent of what I found out about the way he died and I asked them to hide the horrid truth of that to protect those who knew him as well as I did or even more so. Because I couldn't bare to cause them the pain that I caused myself. I brought the last of his victims home to their families but Rosicky wasn't lying men he told us it would have a price." Buck said to them.

"What price?" Street asked Buck but by then he had walked away from the group and rejoined Hotch at the white boards detailing the victims and the crimes of the men they were after. "What price?" Street asked JJ.

"He knows how Max died, he has to live with that knowledge and what it means for him. He also knows that he was meant to be a victim of Rosicky and because he didn't get the pair he made Max pay for that." JJ said to him. "I can get you the file if you like, so you can understand some of the reason why he turned us down and took your offer." JJ explained to Hondo. "But that would be as big a mistake as his was." JJ added.

"What mistake?" Street asked.

"He got the answers he was looking for Street, his mistake was assuming he could live with the consequences of having his questions answered easily." JJ said to him.

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"Evan this is a nice surprise." Owen said as he answered the phone to his eldest son.

"Hey Dad I hope I'm not interrupting." Buck said to him.

"Never, how is LA?" Owen asked.

"I wouldn't know I'm not in LA at the moment." Buck admitted. "We are on assignment at the moment." Buck added.

"Anywhere hot?" Owen asked. "Actually anywhere cold?" He added.

"Humid as hell here in Austin dad." Buck said to him.

"You are in Austin why?" Owen asked.

"Work obviously." Buck said to him. "Beyond that sorry I can't tell you. You're on shift right?" Buck asked.

"Yes we are." Owen said to him.

"Me and the team both sets will be over shortly, hope you have enough food or we will have to order in." Buck said ot him.

"What is both teams?" Owen asked.

"The BAU and LA Swat." Buck said to him.

Chapter 34: Invitations galore

Chapter Text

"Hey dad I told you we were coming." Buck said as he reached the top of the stairs with Garcia closely behind him.

"That smells so good." Garica groaned as the rest of the teams joined them to see Buck hugging his brother and father. Carlos looked at him weirdly before asking. "Are you still driving that death trap?" He asked Buck causing the older man to laugh as he hugged him.

"I still have her." Buck said to him. "Eddie made me upgrade when I officially moved in." Buck informed him. "So now I drive a soft top evoque now." Buck said to him.

"Say what now?" Judd demanded making Buck laugh. "Why would you do that, your soon to be husband is from Texas you need a truck." Judd exclaimed.

"Not with twins on the way Judd." Buck said to them making everybody bar his own team stop and gape at him. Buck passed Owen and TK envelopes which they opened to find sonograms with two tiny little persons. "That was meant to be a surprise for just you three but huh well I guess it's all about family." He said to them as Owen embraced his son and hugged him hard before TK could get to him and hug him. "Hey Uncle Tyler sounds a lot better than Uncle TK." Buck said to a glare from his brother as Carlos and Owen chuckled.

"Tyler!" Marjan exclaimed. As Buck pulled his bag of his back and opened it retrieving invites for them all.

"You have eight weeks to get your dates and suits or dresses." Buck said as he handed them around to the fire house. "Don't worry about tickets or hotels, we've sorted that out. For those of you have never been to LA prepare for a shock and for those of you who know Lily is biologically mine remember I am her uncle not her father." Buck said as he handed invites to the BAU. "I can never say thank you enough for what you did for Max and me but if you're in town we'd love to have you all." Buck added.

"No promises but sure if we can wing it we will be there kid." Derek said as he hugged his friend.

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"Does he look different?" Mateo asked.

"Mateo he looks like he isn't carrying the world on his shoulders." Judd said to him. "Other than that no he looks no different to the last time we saw him." Judd said as they watched Buck play with Charlie and her plushies. "You and Nancy going to this wedding together?" Judd asked him Mateo grinned at this and nodded.

"Fatherhood is going to loom good on you." Nancy said to Buck as he came up to them.

"I already am a father twice over Jud." Buck said to his friend. "Just because legally Lily isn't my responsibility I still bare blame for her coming into this world and Chris is my son through marriage soon enough." Buck added as his phone rang he answered it and grinned as Chris appeared on his screen. "Hey superman why do you have dad's phone?" Buck asked.

"I missed you." Christopher complained.

"Well you will.miss your butt if you run your dad's bill up." Buck said to him.

"Sorry papi." Christopher said to him as Eddie came into shot.

"Hey Jud, not planning to kidnap my fiance are you?" Judd asked.

"Not going to pick up on his new name for Buck?" TK asked.

"We asked him to pick something out that he liked as its no longer okay to call him Buck." Eddie said to him.

"Note that was your decision not mine." Buck said to him Eddie smiled. "Also papi really, isn't that what grandpa is?" Buck asked Eddie glared at him to much laughter. "Wait until you meet Lily in person I suggest you don't try that look on me around her." Buck said to him. "I'm missing you guys right now, dad's grilling me for names." Buck informed him as he shued the others away so they could talk just them.

Chapter 35: Officer Down (Part 2)

Chapter Text

"So how do you think that this is going to go down?" Carlos asked as he and Buck sat in the front of his patrol car. Buck looked at him strangely before taking a breath.

"Badly." Buck said to him. "Thus why we have our jackets on in the damn car and I have my rifle sat on my lap." Buck said to him.

"You think this is about to become a blood bath?" Carlos asked Buck nodded as he looked out of the window. "You and everybody else in that group of yours." Carlos said to him.

"SWAT comes to town, we get annoyed if we don't get to fire our weapons Carlos. The BAU and SWAT come to town for the same party and you have a war about to go down with someone very close to the edge of sanity with cartel connections and a drug problem." Buck said to him Carlos nodded. "If we are lucky the body count is low, if we aren't when the shooting starts keep your head low and shoot first ask questions later." Buck said to him. "I'm not about to lose my soon to be brother in law because he thought he could stop these guys with talk." Buck said to him. "That's why they brought us in and asked for the BAU." Buck added.

"Cop killers?" Carlos asked.

"They aren't going to be fussy about who they kill." Buck said to him.

[Police Radio] "Officer down, officer down!"

Buck looked at Carlos, "What you waiting for Carlos hit it." Buck said slapping the dashboard before hitting the sirens he knew that every officer in the area was responding to the paniced yells of another officer and gun shots. "Not again." Buck muttered.

"You been through this before?" Carlos asked.

"Yes, Athena my old captains wife... she was attacked her radio was stuck on so we were racing to the scene with everyone else listening to the fight. We arrived as the gunshot rung out." Buck said to him Carlos closed his eyes in understanding. "That sh*t stays with you." Buck said as he read off his badge number and told them that SWAT was in bound. He heard Hondo and Street copy that. "You know how to shoot a rifle or shotgun?" Buck asked Carlos.

"Yeah I know how." Carlos said to him. "Keep your head low Carlos, I have no idea what we are getting into but we are closer than most other units." Buck said to him.

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Buck ducked as bullets hit the windshield, "Damn these people want to kill someone today." Buck called as he dived out of his side of the car using the door for cover he brought the rifle up to his shoulder sighting what he could, "I count three shooters, I have two police officers one down and bleeding the other taking cover." Buck called out to Carlos. "Carlos you got a shot?" Buck asked him.

"No." Carlos said to him. "Dispatch I need medical assistance, EMS required." Buck called into his radio. "Officer down I repeat officer down." Buck called as he ducked down shots pinging off the door. "He could hear Hondo yelling in his ear to wait for back up. "I have no shot Hondo, I have three targets and a downed cop. You need to come in from the north side. It may give you a clearer shot than we have." Buck yelled into his radio. "Hot damn this is a mess." Buck said as he looked through his sitghts. "I still don't have a clear shot." Buck said. "Carlos I need to get to those cops can you lay down cover fire?" Buck asked.

"You think that is a good idea?" Carlos asked.

"Help isn't getting to them before one or both are dead." Buck said to him. "Can you cover me, yes or no?" Buck asked Carlos gulped and nodded. "Lay down cover fire give them something to shoot at besides me and those kids." Buck said to him then on three he moved low and fast running until he got close to the officers. They were kids at most, he felt and heard the bullets whizz over his head or close to him and he heard the damn shots closer than he would have liked. He knew Eddie would kill him for doing this but it was the right thing to do. He heard god damn it kid over the radio and tried hard not to smirk as he skidded into the squad car. Buck leaned down next to the one on the floor checking for a pulse and closing his eyes. "What is your name?" Buck asked the one still up.

"Josh Lyndon." The man said.

"You hurt?" Buck asked.

"Shot in the chest... my vest took it." Josh replied.

"Okay good." Buck said to him.

"Max?" The man asked.

"Alive but he has lost a lot of blood." Buck said to him. "I need you to concentrate, did you identify yourself?" Buck asked the man shook his head.

"We were responding to a disturbance report, when we pulled up outside the address someone started firing at us. They didn't give us a chance to identify ourselves." Josh said to him Buck nodded his head. "Is he going to make it?" Josh asked.

"I don't know, if we can get him medical aide then maybe." Buck said to him. "Right now however we need to worry about us and how we are getting out of this." Buck said to him. "My partner is over there but we didn't have a clear shot at any of the targets shooting at you from there." Buck said to him Josh nodded as they heard a gasp from the man below Buck. "Max how you doing?" Buck asked.

"Everything hurts." The man said with a rasp.

"Well I am going to take that as good news." Buck said to him Max laughed groaning with pain a moment later. "If you can still feel something, it can only be good news." Buck said to him. "Hondo I need medical here, we have two hurt cops. One has lost a lot of blood the other has been shoot in the chest and probably has some bruised ribs." Buck said to him as he sat down next to Max and lifted the man's head into his lap. "Max how about you tell me about yourself. You got a girlfriend?" Buck asked him the man smiled.

"Ali, leggy blond way out of my league." Max said to him.

"Definitely." Josh said with a laugh. "I'm his training officer, can you believe this sh*t head is twenty two?" Josh asked.

"Looks twelve to me." Buck said to him Max smiled at this. "She sounds like a good gal though, so you know you have to work extra hard to come home to her." Buck said to her.

"You wouldn't be here talking to me if I was going to be going home." Max said to him.

"Nonsense, as a gay man I find a hot shot cop far more attractive than my fiance back home." Buck said to him Josh and Max laughed blood dribbling out of his mouth as he did so.

"I'm dying." Max said to him.

"No way dude, help is on the way. You do not have permission to die do you hear me probie?" Josh demanded.

"Yes sir." Max replied.

"Buck we can't get to you." Deacon said to him Buck closed his eyes. "Carlos is fine but we can't get to you." Deacon said to him.

"Take these bastards out." Buck said as he pushed hair out of Max's eyes.

"You will tell Ali I did the right thing right?" Max asked.

"You bet your ass I will." Buck said to him Josh closed his eyes. "But I want you to hold out on me kid, do you hear me you keep talking. Your training officer hasn't give you permission to die." Buck said to him.

"I like you." Max said with a smile.

"The feelings mutual, when this is over we're going to go for a drink!" Buck said to him Max coughed.

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"We need to get to them." Street called to Hondo. They could see Buck cradling the head of the downed fire fighter.

"Street we need to take the shooters out before they get Buck and the other cop." Hondo said. Buck had his radio open so they could hear the talk between the three of them.

"We can save the three of them." Street said to him.

"No we can't, the one on the floor has lost way to much blood." Deacon said to him. "Buck did the right thing, get to the downed officers make sure they were okay now we have to get the two we can save out of their safely." Deacon said to him.

They knew it went against every ounce of training that they did, a police officer in this case three of them were in danger and two of them were injured one mortally, and yet the job wasn't to get the injured ones out but to try and save the two they knew had the chance to survive. Hondo popped up and unloaded several shots in the direction of the shooters. He heard a yell of pain and knew that he had hit someone anyone.

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"We can get out of here." Josh said to Buck who had realised from the slack dead weight on his thigh that the younger man had died.

"We can do something." Buck said to him as he muttered several phrases in Hebrew closing the younger mans eyes. "The only thing we need to do is make sure you get out of here." Buck said to him.

"No, god damn It no." Josh said seeing that Buck had eased the mans head onto the tarmac next to him.

"Hey, concentrate, no idiotic moves Josh. We are both going home tonight, the job is to make sure he didn't die for nothing." Buck said to him. "Hondo I heard the scream did you get one of them?" Buck asked into his radio.

"Yes is it just the two of you?" Hondo asked.

"Max didn't make it, give me a direction Hondo if they can see me I can see them and I feel the need to shoot someone." Buck said to him.

"Twelve o'clock high." Hondo said to him as Buck brought his rifle up and the scope to his eye he went looking for a target. It took a couple of attempts until he spotted one of the shooters and ducked behind the car again. "They are not moving." Hondo said as the shooting stopped again and Buck popped back up sighted and pulled the trigger. The scream was unmistakeable as was the body falling from its place two stories up landing on the ground where it didn't move again. Buck ducked back down and nodded at Hondo. "One more down, I am done with this." Buck muttered as he see Street pop up and shoot the third shooter this one he was sure was winged not dead judging by the screams. Buck raised up from his position to check and nodded at Hondo. "Last one is down, we need EMS in here now, that son of a bitch doesn't die. I want to know whether this was some idiots wanting to kill cops or a part of our operation." Buck said to the others. "Max isn't dying for nothing." Buck said as he rose from his position and moved down the street until he came upon the downed shooter still screaming from the pain that his wounds were causing him. "Hey sh*t head, it is your unlucky day you get to live so don't f*cking move." Buck snarled as he kicked the gun out of reach. The boy was latino and he was angry as they came screaming obscenities at Buck as the rest of SWAT and Carlos reached them. "You have the right to remain silent so use it." Buck said as he heard the ambulance approaching.

Chapter 36: The Streets Run Red With Blood (Part 3)

Chapter Text

"Where is he?" Owen demanded as he and Gwyn arrived at the hospital Garcia raised an eye brow. "They said someone had been shot." Owen added.

"It wasn't Buck." Hondo said to him. "He and Carlos responded to a mayday call from two cops pinned down with their radio's left wide open. We could all hear the firefight, Carlos and Evan were the first officers on scene responding. Buck decided to go all hero and head for the downed cop a rookie and his training officer. They were ambushed." Hondo added Owen closed his eyes letting out a sigh of relief. He'd come close to losing his eldest son one to many times and it was something that he could never get used to. "His changing his uniform and showering not necessarily in that order as we speak. The cop that was short bled out all of Buck." Hondo finished.

"I will never understand what it is with your sons and their career choices Owen." Gwyn grossed at her ex-husband.

"Hey I like getting shot at for a living, beats running into raging fires." Buck told her as he reappeared in a fresh uniform. "My clothes had to go into evidence so the local swat team brought new everything down for me." Buck explained to her. "Three gang bangers one of which is currently in surgery, attacked two cops in an ambush and that is all. I was in no more danger than usual and that is something I am paid to deal with mom so ease up okay." Buck said as she dragged him into a hug and squeezed hard.

"You need to stop doing this to me Buck." Owen said to him.

"That's what grey hairs are for old man." Buck said to him Gwyn snorted. "Or just for men." Buck added with a smirk.

"Have you spoken to Eddie?" Gwyn asked.

"Briefly to let him know I was okay and that yes I was one of the cops being shot at." Buck said to her as the police chief came down the hall towards them. "Chief." Buck said calmly.

"How is our boy that made it?" The man asked.

"He has been better but you should know he was one cool son of a bitch under fire and he did everything right." Buck said to him. "As did Carlos Reyes, it was my choice and it was the right choice to try and render aid to the downed officer and help the one was still up." Buck explained.

"I will need a report from you both and you will need to speak to internal affairs but that is at this point a matter that can wait." The chief replied.

"Why?" Gwyn asked.

"Officer involved shooting mom, its nothing that I won't have to handle through out my career. They can come by and speak to me at any time chief." Buck said to him. "This is my mother also the best lawyer I know, so if they step out of line she'll deal with it." Buck said to him.

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A day later Buck stepped into the office of internal affairs, "Office Buckley here to speak to a Lt. Jessica Parker." Buck said to the receptionist.

"She expecting you son?" One of the men at a desk asked.

"Yes." Buck said to him as the man opened the gate for him and asked him to follow him. Buck was shown to an office at the back of the pen with a middle aged white woman sat behind a desk. Her name was on the door pane and he knocked before being told to enter. "Officer Buckley I was not expecting you today but I am glad you are here." The woman said to him Buck nodded. "You mind if Sergant Grant Holden sits in on this informal chat?" She asked.

"I have no issue with that Lt." Buck said to her.

"I have your's and the other officers camera footage, do you think you can walk me through what happened and what was said?" The woman asked.

"Again I have no issue with that, you mind if I use the whiteboard?" Buck asked she shook her head.

He spent the next ten minutes setting everything up on the whiteboard while he was shown the footage, he didn't need to see it or hear it but he didn't argue about it either. When he was done drawing the street from memory and placing himself Carlos and the two officers where he was certain they had all been.

"Can you tell me what made you run to the two police officers in the line of fire?" Parker asked.

"I knew they needed help, I did not have a shot from where Carlos and I were." Buck said to her as he pointed to his cruiser. "I told Carlos to lay down cover fire so I could get to the downed officer and better assess the situation. Also with a view to getting a shot. These gang bangers were doing a very good job of trying to kill every cop they could that day Lt." Buck said to her.

"We agree with you on that front." Holden informed him.

"Max was pretty much already dead by the time I got to him, he had lost to much blood and with the amount of covering fire they were doing we could not get EMS close enough to them even if we tried without putting them in danger as well." Buck said to her she nodded her head. "I assured Josh that I was going to do what I could to make sure he got out of their alive and put an end to the madness. From my language on the cam I was a lot more colourful than that but I think that was the jist of it." Buck said to them.

"Who knew an LA cop could turn the air waves that blue." Holden said to him.

They spent the next three hours talking over everything, he clarrified that he did not think that he could have done anything differently if he tried and that he had done what he could to save both mens lives. Something that he thought the others in the room agreed with. "I have to admit that is one hell of a balls to wall move that you pulled off there. Why exactly did you do that?" Holden asked.

"I'm a former firefighter and running back with a dodgey as f*ck knee on a cold day... I did what comes naturally to me run fast towards the danger." Buck said to them.

"You were the firefighter under his own truck among other things and you also help bring down the LA cop who had become a serial killer." Parker said to him.

"I was a firefighter." Buck said to her.

"Why SWAT? Why not the BAU you have an open invite to join them!" She asked.

"Thomas Rosicky is why not Lt." Buck said to her. "My first boyfriend is a known victim of the man in question and I am forever grateful that the son of a bitch is now dead." Buck informed them.

"I'm sorry for your loss." Parker added. "You are free to go, I don't think I need to tell you that further action is not likely. This was a formality rather than an actual investigation into your conduct. You saved a police officers life. In an all be it unusual fashion you did what very few people would attempt to do in your position so the State of Texas thanks you and the City of Austin also thank you. Good hunting Buckley go bring this son of a bitch down then go home." Parker informed him.

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Hondo and Garcia watched him walk into the joint command centre with a smile on his face, "Went that well sugar?" Garcia asked.

"Gorgeous look at my handsome features, how else did you think it would go. I did everything right by the books, a cop died and someone needed to know my side of things. The stuff I didn't voice on the cam footage and what not." Buck said as he took the offered coffee from Street. "Thanks Jim." Buck said to him. "Any luck on finding out where this prick is yet?" Buck asked them they shook their heads. "Well he knows that he has turned this city into a warzone which is I assume his plan all a long so now we send a firecracker up some people's asses and see whether or not we can flush the son of a bitch out into the open before more cops die." He explained.

Chapter 37: Fire Crackers Applenty (Part 4)

Chapter Text

"What did you have in mind?" Hondo asked.

"They want to make the city a war zone, we know where there drugs are at let's go raid them." Buck said JJ and Morgan shared a look at this. "We've been on the back foot for days, let's go turn that around and make a statement. We have confidential police informants in their organisations. Let's wake these wankers up and see whether we can take some of their cash off the field." Buck said to them.

"You want to do a drugs bust!" Street exclaimed.

"Hondo, we know this guy has gone to ground in this city and the f*cker is cartel. So we know if we hit them at the street level and the bases we can flush him out. It is our best chance and you know it." Buck pointed out. "We can profile until our hearts content but it's not getting us anywhere. To many wild card factors to be accurate. We know this guys looking for victims, let's go hunt." Buck said to them.

"By what?" Hondo asked.

"Hit his resources, while you do that we do what we are trained to do. Reed your profile works we just need to narrow down the mitigating factors." Buck said to him. "We know what he looks for in his victims, let's use that against him. Carlos, we need cops that match it." Buck said JJ and Hotch both shared surprised looks. "Let's bait him." Buck said.

"It's an idea." Morgan said.

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"I'm sorry he wants to what?" Owen demanded as Morgan finished his explanation.

"He is going to act like bait." Morgan said to him.

"He is out of his goddamn mind." Owen snapped.

"We have around ten cops not including him working the streets as we speak. Buck knows what he is doing and he knows how to look after himself." Morgan informed him.

"He has twins on the way, this is not a game." Owen snapped.

"If you see him in the street you don't know him." Morgan said causing the man to sigh. "This is as good a chance for us to flush the man out and it was his idea." Morgan finished.

"Eddie is going to lose his mind." Owen groaned.

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"He is doing what now?" Athena asked gaping at Eddie's explanation.

"Acting as bait." Eddie ground out.

"Now why would that boy do something so utterly dumbass?" Athena asked rhetorically. "He just can't help scratching that itch of his." Athena muttered to herself.

"You think Rosicky is the reason he is doing this?" Bobby asked.

"I think that he believes he can ease his own guilt with these kind of risks sure." Athena admitted as she closed her eyes. "I am going to kill that kid he is giving me grey hairs." Athena said tiredly. "Why is it always him?" She added.

"He does it so you don't have to." Bobby said to her. "He'd rather it be him who can read a room and people, than you or I." Bobby added.

"I don't get it we are getting married our sons are on their way, why would he make this decision without me?" Eddie demanded angrily.

"You'd tell him to go f*ck himself, pull his head out of his ass and remind him he has responsibilities outside of uniform that aren't worth the risk of what he is doing. In other words you'd do the last thing he needs you to do right now and that's get in the way." Athena said to him. "Highly trained young man with a chip on his shoulder and he knows it. In fact we all do, the cops with him know it to." Athena added.

---------

"This has got to be the biggest dumbass decision he has made and I've known him most of his damn life." TK said as he see Buck disappear into a back alley with a drug dealer. Obviously the man was out of his mind. "This isn't going to change his guilt for what happened to Max he knows that right." TK asked Judd.

"I think that's a discussion you need to have with your brother." Judd said to him. "Seems to me he isn't the only one chasing ghosts. Though he is the only one willing to admit that is what he is doing." Judd added TK sighed. "Your so angry with him you don't even realise it." Judd added.

"With what?" Mateo asked.

"This latest scheme to get killed and Max. A small part of you blames him for what happened to Max, it's a part of you that you don't like to bring out but it's there." Judd informed him as Buck came out tucking something into his joggers a flash of a hand gun was also present.

"I don't blame him for Max what could he have done!" TK snapped.

"TK he was your best friend, Buck was practically engaged to him. You hate that he wasn't there the night Max was taken." Judd said gently TKs nostrils flared at the accusation that Judd had made.

"They'd both be dead." TK said quietly.

"In all likely hood yes they would." Judd said to him. "Buck can't let go of the past, it haunts him even now. Part of that is because somewhere in that genius mind of his. He knows you have never forgiven him for failing Max." Judd said to him.

---------

TK thumped down into the seat opposite Reid the man looked surprised at first then sighed. "You want to talk about Rosicky." Reid said to him TK nodded.

"What does Evan know that I don't?" TK asked.

"TK understand this I can answer your questions but it won't bring you closure only pain." Reid said to him. "Buck told me you might come asking one day, said it was the idiot Strand in you." Reid informed him making TK snort. "You know why he hasn't told you what he knows?" He asked TK shook his head. "He is trying to protect you TK he is trying to protect all of you." Reid said to him.

"Why?" TK asked.

"Two weeks." Reid said TK frowned. "Rosicky kept him for two weeks. Some of what he is known for was done to Max." Reid said TK closed his eyes. "In the grave with Max was a thumb drive in a zip bag protected from everything containing video footage." Reid said to him.

"I want to see." TK said straight away.

"No kid you don't." Morgan said from behind before joining Reid on his side of the table. "Remember your friend for the person he was, you do not want or need to see what was done to him." Morgan added.

"Has Buck?" TK asked.

"We tried what we are doing with you with him. He refused and he has to live with the pain that decision has caused him for the rest of his life." Reid said to him. "Rosicky kept him longer than all of his other victims. In part because he hadn't been able to snag Buck who he missed by hours. Rosicky tortured him on cam among other things as well as Buck. It seems he always planned to give Buck his answers he just had to work for them." Reid said to him. "The video was entitled to Evan with love Max and Thomas." Reid informed him.

"I hate what this is doing to him." TK said quietly.

"We all want to protect him from himself Tyler, the problem is he has to want that protection and he doesn't." Morgan informed him.

-------

"Any news?" Carlos asked.

"Five drug dens raided, fifty arrests and I have to say we are no closer to answers than we were when this started." JJ said to him as they watched Buck get dragged in, in handcuffs a black eye forming and what looked like pepper spray had been deployed.

"Dip sh*t I am going to f*cking kill you." Buck snarled as he was thrown in a chair.

"Gang banger selling drugs, resisted arrest tried to say he was a cop involved in the sting. Not a f*cking chance this fa*got is part of that." The cop sneered.

"Well I guess you are in for a bad day." JJ said as she walked across to the officer. "Keys now." JJ snarled at him. "You took a cop of the street assaulted him in more ways than one then violated his rights. Said cop who is chasing a killer and drug kingpin with a bounty on his head." She all but screamed in the man's face as the desk Sergeant repeated the demand from JJ.

----------

"Is he okay?" Owen asked.

"Tased, sprayed and bludgeoned he has had better days." Hotch said to him. "Cop is having a worse day let me tell you that." Hotch said. "Officer Joseph Flint was taken butchered and dumped by the docks. In the chaos of that arrest he was grabbed." Hotch said to them.

"I want five minutes with the piece of sh*t that gave me this." Buck snapped as he came out of the treatment room. "I want to know whether he was trying to do his job or whether he was doing a job for the cartel." Buck snapped.

Chapter 38: Got The Goose What About The Gander

Chapter Text

"This is the sh*t show that keeps on giving." Buck said as he handed over the latest gang banger to make their sh*t list. A month into the hunt for their man and all they had to show for it was a months worth of grey hairs. Evan Buckley-Strand like every one else on the task force was sick and tired of more dead ends or worse more dead cops. In the last month he'd attended three funerals he did not wish to add another to the growing list of kids he'd lost because they couldn't catch their man. "Tell me we have some thing actionable from that son of a bitch's hide out." Buck said turning to Carlos who was looking as tired as the rest of them at that moment. "So I can go to my fathers and shower for the first time in what feels like a month." He added.

"Nothing that we know off at the moment, go home get some sleep we'll call you when we have news." Carlos said to him Buck sighed as he headed for the door that would lead him to his teams equipment locker. A glorified cubby hole if he did say so himself. Hondo and Street were already there. "Deak?" He asked.

"Gone to call his wife and kids." Hondo said to him. "You spoken to Eddie or Christopher lately?" He asked.

"Last night." Buck said as he ran a hand over his face. "I remember a time when putting out actual fires was the theme of the day, not putting out imaginary fires set by some asshole serial killer who is trying to deflect us away from what we know him to be up to." Buck said as he slipped his gear off his body and placed it on his shelving then slowly began to change out of his uniform and into street life. His phone going just as he was finishing taking his cargo pants off. "Buckley." He said as he answered the phone. "Garcia." Buck said getting everyone's attention in the room. "Get Deak." Buck said to the Hondo as he put the phone on speaker and began dressing again.

"We have confirmation of his current location, down town Austin above a Brazilian BBQ joint." Garcia said to them. "We have eyes on him and the house as we speak." She added.

"Garcia, you need to try and clear that area without drawing his attention, we do not need a gun fight." Buck said to her as he started to put a boot on.

"You let us worry about that, right now he and his three Lieutenants are in the joint enjoying a steak." She said to him Buck chuckled.

--------------

"Can you get in and out without losing civilians?" Hotchner asked Hondo.

"I do not see why not." Hondo said to him. "It is our best option and we both know it, lord knows how long it will be if we don't try and take them down now." Hondo added.

"Hondo if we do this two fold, put us between them and the people in that restaurant then we have a better chance. A team in the front a team in the back." Buck said to him Hondo looked at him curiously. "If they have cops to shoot at the hope would be that they will shoot at us not the people eating in there." Buck added.

"You have a death wish kid?" Deak asked.

"You got a better idea old timer?" Buck asked rolling his shoulders as he brought his eyes to bear on the man in question. "We can do this but we need to move fast or it will be another month and lord knows how many people dying in the mean time if we are lucky." Buck said to them. "Hotch, Hondo you know I am right." Buck informed them.

"Doesn't mean that we have to like it. You and me in the back." Deak said Buck nodded.

"I'm going to be a dad in a few weeks, I'd appreciate being there to see it old timer." Buck said Deak nodded laughing at this.

--------------

"Hondo we are in position, on your count." Buck said into his ear piece.

"Copy that, when I say go we go." Hondo said to him. Buck muttered a pray causing Deak to look at him weirdly.

"I'm Catholic." Deak pointed out.

"Jewish, kind of." Buck said to him Deak gave him a weird look. "It has been a while since I went to temple okay." Buck said to him the man laughed at this. "Max's funeral if you want to know what that was." He added.

"Mother?" Deak asked.

"My birth mother converted when she married my dad to Christianity. But she was born into a Jewish family so I guess that makes me a full blooded Jewish male." Buck informed him Deacon nodded.

"I guess it does." Deacon said to him.

"We are a go." Hondo said as the door to the restaurant went crashing open he heard yelling from Hondo as he and Deacon came in through the kitchen door guns raised and pointed straight at their target. "Salazar Ramirez, get on the ground face down, you don't get out of here any other way." Buck said to him Hondo see the two other men moving through the restaurant Buck's aim did not waver not even for a moment as he and Deak closed in. Out of the corner of his eye he could see the customers moving out of the back of the restaurant being ushered by cops crouched in the door way waving for them to move.

"You pigs think you can take me?" Salazar screamed at him.

"We already did!" Buck replied as he closed the gap from the east side. "You come now, you survive to go to trial. You fight, you die, you escape you die. You don't want to die Salazar and we both know that's true." Buck informed him Salazar glared at him spitting on the floor in front of Buck. "I figure, I shoot you in the abdomen I leave you a paraplegic, I shoot you in the neck I make you a quadraplegic and you need someones help to wipe your own ass for the rest of your life. No way you defend yourself against the enforcers that are going to be gunning for you." Buck said to him.

"Better dead then!" One of the other men said.

"Maybe but the money you go for your guns we shoot, you can't take us all out Manuel." Buck said to him. "On the floor." Buck ordered one final time. Finally after what seemed like an eternity Salazar growled and screamed and roared with impotent rage but he did as he was ordered. Buck closed the distance as the others dropped to their stomachs. "Hands Salazar." Buck said as the man complied with a grudging scream of f*ck Buck brought one hand behind his back cuffing it then the other cuffing it and then cinching them tight. "A good young cop died in my lap because of a gang war you son's of bitches started. You might well be seen as hero's by the people that you are going to die with in prison but believe me when I say that where you are going you can only hope something of you is left for that celebration." Buck said as he then cuffed the mans legs with a larger chained set of cuffs before forcing him to his feet. "Now be quiet as I read you your rights and then say you understand them please. I would like to go home." He added before beginning to read the man his rights. The others were doing likewise before the four of them frog marched their captives out the front door into the media frenzy that was waiting for them.

-------------------------

They were all in the honky tonk bar that Owen recommended with the fire house and the FBI team celebrating, what a hell of a day it had been. They'd made international news today, while they were arresting Salazar and his men the warehouse with the gear in had been raided. What was said to be the biggest haul of class a narcotics had been taken of the streets by Carlos and his team. Buck was laughing as he watched his brother and his boyfriend celebrating with the rest of them. It was a huge win after all and they all knew that it was.

"You know I can't quite believe you managed to do that whole thing without making some funny joke about the man you were arresting." Hondo said to him.

"It felt good." Buck admitted.

"They always do." Derek said patting his friend on the shoulder. "This was a good day for the world at large, drugs off the street, king pins arrested, serial killer off the street and the cop you lost avenged. It was a very good day Evan." Derek explained as they cheered Buck yelled for a round for the entire bar to the bartender. "Still not enough though." Derek added.

"Sorry what now?" Street asked.

"His not wrong." Buck said to them. "It doesn't stop the guilt I feel or alleviate it any for that matter." Buck said to them. "Max is still not here, the first person I wanted to call today after the arrest has been dead for over a decade." Buck said to him. "That's a feeling that never goes away, the pain you feel in the moment you remember that you can't call someone." Buck said to them before downing the shot Deacon placed in front of him. "So you get drunk and you celebrate the one's you can effect." Buck informed them with a chuckle. "Then I get to go home and see my kid." Buck added as his phone rang. He glanced down at it seeing Eddie's name on the screen he grinned as he answered. "Hey lover boy." Buck said as way of greeting.

"You should know that the twins are on there way." Eddie said Buck's eyes widened comically. "I don't suppose your FBI friends can get you to LA?" He asked.

"No idea, but I figure that they owe me a favour." Buck said to him Eddie chuckled.

"Honey." Garcia started.

"Twins are on their way, its a twenty hour drive or maybe you guys can help me out!" Buck asked.

"Lets go." Hotch yelled. "Owen and TK I take it are also on that list?" He asked Buck nodded.

-----------------------

Bobby was waiting for them in the lobby when they arrived in the early morning hours the sun was coming up. "Buck you made it finally." Bobby said to him.

"I missed it didn't I?" Buck asked.

"By about three hours." Bobby said to him. "Mom is doing just fine, Lucas is already here and fawning over them Eddie asked me to bring you up." Bobby said to him.

"Go." Hondo said to him. "We'll be up shortly." He added. Buck followed Bobby out of the waiting area to a waiting lift which took them on a short journey to the maternity ward which was full of activity. "Is Jen okay?" Buck asked.

"She is absolutely fine, Bob is in with her now and Lily is with Hen and Karen. That girl has a lot of you in her." he adds.

"Yeah poor little sod." Buck said Bobby burst out laughing at this. "She gets her smarts from her mom and her mouth from me and Bob." Buck informed him as they approached the clear windowed room with Eddie in it with Lucas and Maddie. "Oh that's not cricket." Buck muttered as he pushed into the room. "Eddie we really need to discuss your wishes on who gets to hold my kids first." Buck said as he approached the man. "The lug have you seen those hands?" Buck asked.

"Hey." Lucas said indignantly trying hard not to break into a great big smile. "Congratulations on three fronts, the twins, the arrest and missing the birth." Lucas added as he dragged his friend into a hug. "Love you Evan and these babies are gorgeous." Lucas added.

"Well they aren't just mine, they have Eddie's DNA to." Buck said to him as he walked around Lucas and kissed him on the lips. "Honey I'm home." Buck said to him.

"You want to hold one of them don't you." Eddie said to him.

"Of course I want to hold one of them." Buck muttered as he looked down at the baby in Eddie's arms. "Number 1 or Number 2?" Buck asked.

"Number 1." Eddie said Buck closed his eyes as he finally let the happy tears fall. "Sit down and get comfortable then." Eddie added.

---------------

Bobby and Athena came into the room with bags from everyone the next afternoon, finding Buck with Eddie and Jen and Bob.

"Uncle Evan." Lily squealed as she breezed past the two elder people and straight at him.

"Hey baby girl, have you been good for Hen and Karen?" Buck asked as he shifted comfortably with baby one in his arms.

"Sure was." Athena said to him. "You may have trouble getting her back." She said to Bob and Jen who grinned.

"They are welcome to her." Jen added teasingly as Lily squealed. "Evan now you tell her." Jen said to him Bob nodded.

"Tell me what?" Lily asked.

"Well these aren't your cousin's Lil's." Buck said gently.

"Of course they are." Lily said annoyed.

"No baby girl, they are not. They're your brothers." Buck said to her as he sat down in the seat offered to him by Eddie. Lily looked at him strangely. "So you know your mom and Bob are different right, that Bob isn't like me and Eddie." Buck said to her wincing as he looked apologetically at the man in question. "I love him very much, so don't be mad about that Lil's." Buck said to her. "They couldn't have children in the way that most parents have their kids." Buck said.

"You mean sex?" Lily said.

"Oh she is certainly your daughter." Athena said with a chuckle.

"I do, Bob doesn't have the right bits. So they asked me to help them out." Buck said to her.

"You had sex with mom gross." Lily exclaimed.

"Not quiet." Buck said to her. "I helped them have you though." Buck informed her.

"So you are my dad not Bob?" Lily asked confused.

"No baby girl, Bob is always going to be your dad because he raises you and he loves you. I'm the guy they asked to help make becoming parents a reality. So I guess you could say I am your father, but I will always be your uncle Evan." Buck explained. "None of what is here changes anything for you, your mom and Bob wanted to wait until the right moment to tell you the truth and I supported that because that was the right call to make." Buck informed her she nodded. "You okay with that?" Buck asked.

"So you are dad?" Lily asked Buck looked at Bob and Jen for help both nodded.

"I guess I am." Buck said to her she wrapped her arms around him and hugged him as tight as she could without squishing the little bundle in Buck's arms. "You want to meet your brothers?" He asked.

"Uh huh." Lily said mesmerised.

"Does this mean we finally get to know their damn names?" Athena asked.

"Sure it does, we've known them for a while." Buck said to her Athena gaped at him. "Bobby would you mind taking the one in Eddie's arms." Buck asked Eddie grinned at him.

"Sure." Bobby said unsteady as he did as asked. "You are holding James Robert Buckley-Diaz our youngest son." Buck explained Bobby rocked back on his heals at this momentarily. "You're all but a father to me in more ways than my bio dad was and on par with my dad... truth of the matter is I'd be proud, we both would be if you were our fathers." Buck said to him Eddie nodded as he guided Bobby into his vacant seat. Buck guided Lily into his own seat before helping her to hold the baby and get comfortable.

"So who is this?" Athena asked.

"This is Maximillian Owen Daniel Buckley-Strand or Max for short." Buck said to her as he ran a finger over the baby's cheek. "Eddie didn't argue when I said I'd like to honour Max." Buck explained.

"Makes sense, there are a lot of people looking to come in here and meet these guys." Athena said to him as she took over from Bobby holding James. "I said I wasn't going to cry." Athena said glaring at the adults in the room. "I will shoot you if you mention this to anyone." Athena said to them.

"Well grandma I think we can work that out." Bob said to them she looked stunned.

"You are his mother." Jen added pointing at Buck.

"They have a point and you married Bobby so that makes him a grandpa." Buck said to them.

"Christopher?" Eddie asked Buck looked up and grinned as the boy in question was standing in the door way with teddy bears in hand.

"Hey Chris." Buck said to them.

"I missed all the fun?" Christopher asked. "This is for Max." Christopher said as he offered it to Buck. "And this is for James." He added offering it to Bobby.

"He is going to be a great big brother, thank you Hen." Buck said to her.

"You better let me hold one of these boys Evan, Eddie or I may have to kidnap them." Hen informed them.

--------------------

"Hey man congratulations." Hondo said when a few days later they had managed to get the boys home. The squad had stayed away so that the new parents could have some alone time rather than bombard the men with visitors.

"Thank's, they are a little grouchy at the moment." Buck said to him.

"You did the thing?" Street asked.

"Mom would have killed me if we hadn't so yes." Buck said to him Deacon started to laugh at this. "You want to meet them!" Buck asked.

"Its why we are here kid." Derek said as the BAU made there way into the house with the rest of the squad. "I hear rumours that they have both your looks." Derek said.

"You what?" Deacon asked confused.

"Well, new tech means that they share DNA of me, Eddie and Jen." Buck explained.

"That must have cost a fortune." Garcia stated.

"Oh it did." Eddie said to her. "So god mom would you like to come meet your boys!" He asked she gaped. "Evan thought you were a perfect fit for that with Max." He added.

"You... I would be honoured." Garcia said stuttering over her words.

Chapter 39: The Journals of a Madman (Part 1)

Chapter Text

All of my adult life I have chased memories, dreams of might have been. When ever the going got tough I ran for the hills. Its what Buckley's are particularly good at, I'm not proud off it however it is indeed a fact of my life. I stand here today as a testament to the scars I wear with pride and sadness. I think its impossible to not have regrets in life, I certainly know that I do. What if I had turned left that day instead of right. What if I had extended my stay a couple of more days. They are what ifs I know the consequences of if I hadn't made those choices. Someone else would have ended up under their own truck and they may not have been so lucky, I'd have been taken by Rosicky and we would have died together in all likelihood. There were times when I had wished I had done one or the other, times when my inner demons of which I have many got the better of me. I'm a cop now, I used to be a firefighter and before that I wandered aimlessly through life doing whatever I could to forget the people I had lost, the people I had left behind and the people who continue to this very day to have my back no matter how much of an asshole I can be at times.

Eddie saved my life in more ways than I can count, he gave me a son in Christopher. Reminded me to love again and to open my heart up to the possibility of being hurt again. The twins were a gift, I never expected. I don't have a clue whether I am cut out to be a good father, people tell me I already am but I sometimes feel like the worlds biggest fool for believing that I could be. I have seen to much evil and been in the presence of even more. It changes you, not willing and not from a far it comes to you and reminds you with all of its might that it knows you personally now and that it will come back for you.

Max and James are sat in their swings next to me snoozing as I type this. Something different. My therapist tells me that it would be good for me to write a blog. Express my feelings and fear and publish it or not. Most people know me as Evan Buckley-Strand, a former firefighter and current cop. Most don't know that I struggle daily with survivor's guilt or that my PTSD is sometimes crippling. That I feel guilty for not being able to save the people who I was sent to rescue. That the kid cop who died in my arms still haunts me, that I wish I could have done more that I wish just for a second I had the power to keep them in this world with love and pray alone. Its crazy I know but its the stuff that keeps me up at night and the stuff that scares me that I will make the same mistakes or worse than my birth parents did.

You see I come from a broken family, my birth parents Margaret and Philip I can't stand to call them mom and dad for they did not raise me. Then my adoptive parents also known as my aunt and uncle Owen and Gwyn, both families torn apart by tragedies beyond their control. Mass murder and of course childhood cancer not necessarily in that order, you see broken on my both sides I don't know what an intact family looks like any more. I might have done once but my family its full of screw ups. Full of people who just can't help but make mistakes. This is not however about them, this is about me and my journey. Some might say that to tell my story I have to tell theres and maybe one day I will be ready to tell their story but for now I think you just need to settle for mine. Don't hold it against me though, I promise you this is more for me than it is for any one dumb enough to take the time to read my ramblings.

I visited temple for the first time in years, not that long ago. To observe the traditions of my mother's faith and my own. Rabbi Yanek was very thoughtful and he did not judge me for walking away. In fact he understood and offered guidance. Something I am seriously considering taking him up on, Eddie is catholic of course and so their for the Yiddish insults I could throw at him would simply fall on deaf ears. He came with me more for support than anything actually meaingful. My faith not his, he was respectful and kind. I think he understands some of what I am and who I was more than he did before the twins. I am scared to deaf of something happening to them if I turn my back. Its paternity leave for me at the moment, the force was happy to grant me leave so I could come home and spend some much needed time with the twins, Christopher and of course Eddie. Jen and Bob went back to England with our daughter.

That's another thing, I never believed that they would say to me its okay to tell Lily the truth about how she came into this world and how our joint love for her only grows with the passage of time. She is every bit the kid I once was. Sweet charming and off course innocent. Protected from the horrors of the things her parents and me her favourite uncle have seen. I am just an uncle legally I have no standing but I do believe as does Jen and Bob that Lily is more protected now than she has ever been just by knowing should anything happen to her mom and dad I will be there to take her in.

Anyway for now the twins need their feed and I have a case that someone wants me to consult on. I'll try to post again this time next week. I have more to say just as a new dad to new born twins no time to do it. Be safe Los Angles, or maybe its the world and remember if you need help ask. Their are people who love you out there and need you in their lives.

Evan Buckley